He Took MY Last Name

The Difference In Attitude

2012-02-14T16:59:00.003-05:00

Attitude is everything. Especially if you are in customer service. A real life example between the difference of good customer service and shitty customer service.

Example 1:

A lady called Brian and told him she was calling to collect on a medical debt, stating that it had been turned over to a collection agency. Brian calmly apologized and explained that we just had a baby, so money has been a little tight and he is willing to work out a different payment option. The woman asked him how much he could pay and he told her the amount. She refused to give him a physical address to send a check to, saying she could only take payments over the phone by check or credit card. She wanted to set up a 3-month pay off plan or settle the balance for less than was owed. Brian explained that he does not hand out personal information over the phone and if she would like a payment, to give him the address and she could put down in the notes on his account that they spoke and that he was mailing out a payment. (Dave Ramsey says not to give external debt collecting companies your bank account info, as they could bleed you dry). She refused again to give him an address, saying that he had to pay today on the phone. She was very rude and bullied him. I overheard the conversation and told him to stand his ground and get the address, or he would call up the hospital himself and make payments that way if she couldn't help him. She heard me talking to him and demanded to put me on the phone.

I told her that we just had a baby and really couldn't afford to pay more than x amount of dollars, can she please give me the address in which to send a check? She told me no, that she could not give the address and I said well I don't hand out personal information on the phone. She said we either had to pay the balance in full or take a hit to our credit if we mailed out a payment via check. My response? "And? What's your point?" She got a little deflated after that and said that she had sent out a letter with their address on it, and I said I did not receive any letter from your company, only the hospital, so that is where I will be sending my payments to. She yelled "Then I will note it in your account that you would not be reasonable and chose a different option!" So I said politely, sweetly, "Thank you, have a nice day."

Bitch.

Example 2:

A lady called me not even 10 minutes later and asked if I knew that my account was in default for another hospital bill. I told her I was very sorry that I was not paying, we just had a baby and things are quite hectic around here. She told me she understood completely, and was wondering if I would be willing to work out a payment arrangement? I told her that I was, and asked what my options were. She said I could do a 3-month plan and pay it that way, or pay the balance in full. I told her I did not think I would be able to afford the payment plan and she told me that she could turn my account over to an internal debt collector and they would be able to set up smaller payments for me. I told her I wasn't wanting to go that route, and she said that many of their accounts end up over there and that it does not reflect on our credit reports. Many patients can't afford to pay lump sums or even standard payments, and this is just how corporate has it set up. I thanked her again and said if I go the 3-month route and can't pay what will happen? It will be turned over to the internal service and you can set up smaller payments if you need to. I told her we will try the 3 month route because I want to keep my account in good standing, do you need me to make a payment today over the phone (see what I did there?) and she said no, we will send you out a new statement and you can pay online at your convenience. "thank you, have a nice day."

What a nice lady.

Both of these calls were about the same thing: We owed money to someone and hadn't paid it. One lady was sweet and understanding, the other was a vicious shark. Honey and vinegar, and this fly prefers the honey.

As an interesting side note, I Googled the first company and found their address on their website. We are still going to call the hospital and confirm it was indeed handed over to a collections agency and ask where it is we should send our payments to.

Anyway, one day at a time. Lucky me, all of our important bills are paid this month so I think I will be able to afford my hospital bills.

Sleeping Beauty and Company

2012-02-14T01:47:00.001-05:00

I don't know what happened but today Drake could not get enough sleep. He has been asleep pretty much all day. He woke up at 8 am for a bottle and a change, then was back asleep until 11. He was up until 3, and slept for an hour. We had our friends Jesse and Alisha over to finally meet the baby, so I think he wanted to stay awake for company. He kept dozing off while they were over, but wouldn't really fall asleep. Unless I was holding him, so he spent a good portion of the day in my arms and passed out.

I was glad that he was so sleepy and relaxed today. Nothing is worse than a randomly fussy baby with people over.

After they left (around 7:30), he fell asleep in the Boppy pillow and he has been asleep ever since. It's 1:30 am right now and he has not woken or stirred, according to Brian. I slept from 7:30 to 1 myself, so I wouldn't know hehe

When he does wake up, he will probably be incredibly hungry and his hunger siren will start a-wailing.

Jesse and Alisha bought him the cutest outfit ever. I am going to try it on him tomorrow and if it fits, I will take pictures and share... something about waking a sleeping baby to put him in a new outfit is not on my list of favorite things to do, so I will have to try it when he is awake. This out fit is too cute not to share, so I really hope it fits. I can't stop giggling over it.

I was so happy to see our friends today. We don't see them enough by my account!

It was a great day on plan for me today, I tracked everything and managed to stay within my daily points, even though we got TGI Friday's delivered to us. I got a BBQ pulled pork sandwich. It came with fried onion strings on it, and I removed those. I also didn't eat the french fries. I still tracked the whole sandwich though! It was a good sandwich, but not 26 points good, so I won't be eating that again.

Brian took the day off yesterday to see our friends, and he picked up a few hours tomorrow, so our week is a little different. Thursday Drake is headed off for his first-ever sleep over at Grandma and Grandpa's. I am really excited for him (and us!) but I am also a little sad... he is growing up. He will be gone Thursday night through Saturday afternoon. It's a long time and I am hoping it all goes well for them, otherwise they will be bringing him home hahaha :D I'll have to leave my camera there too, so they can take LOTS of pictures for me.

I'm trying to think of what I will do with my day off on Friday, since Brian will be working and I won't have to watch the baby. Maybe I will... sleep! Haha!

Weigh In Week 3

2012-02-12T12:09:00.002-05:00

So... I think that this week was pretty much the week from hell. Despite tracking, and drinking lots of water, and even getting in some exercise, I am reporting a 4 lb gain. Yes.

I am on my lady time. My first real lady time. I can definitely tell my body is reacting much differently now. The cramps are much worse. The PMS is much worse. I was a little spit fire yesterday and not in a good way. I was lashing out at everyone and everything. I finally got re-lactated and things are going much more smoothly than before. I am positive that is also a contributing factor, since my bust is full and heavy again. Sounds like some bad line from a romance novel, right? "Her full bust was heaving with desire" bahahahah

Anyway, that is neither here nor there. I'm easily distracted today. Probably because it's easier than talking about a 4 lb gain.

All I can do is track, drink more water, keep hydrated, and keep to my points as best as possible. (I know it will go down quickly- yesterday I was at 238 and today I am at 235. One day at a time.

Drake was cranky yesterday and refused to sleep. He actually refused to do anything other than scream and eat. So it was a tough day. He fell asleep FINALLY at 11 pm and then stayed asleep until 9 am, only waking up to eat then going right back to sleep.

It was blissful.

I finally caught up on some sleep.

Thanks for all the kind words and support yesterday. I really needed it. Today is better. So far.

Stressful

2012-02-11T12:39:00.001-05:00

Today has been an incredibly stressful day. The bills for the birth have started to pour in, and after insurance, we owe about $24,000

Yes, 24 THOUSAND dollars. It's because I had to have a c-section, and all of our insurance coverage was used up on the stupid inductions that didn't work. So I am a little upset about all of this.

I'm currently going through all of our debts that we owe- the car, the credit cards, the medical bills, the student loans. Every last penny.

I am desperately in need of another job. I am applying to everything in hopes that I get something. Anything. I'd sell one of my kidneys right now if it paid off a debt.

So I took a Xanax. I am doing alright now, it's kicked in and the feeling of hopelessness has lessened. I know I will get through this. Everyone has lots of debt. I can get it under control. I've gone from "victim" mode to "fighter" mode now and you better believe I will come out swinging. I always do and I always manage.

I also haven't had any sleep Drake has decided that today, eh, he's not going to sleep. Which is fine. It's okay. It doesn't bother me.

Pumping is working again. I started taking fenugreek last night. I am taking 6- 610 mg pills a day and I went from pumping .25 ounces every hour to pumping 1 ounce every hour, so it IS working. I should be amplifying production to maximum in another 48 hours. That will cut $50 out of the budget. Maybe I will even make enough of a surplus that I can sell it. It's legal to sell and it sells pretty well actually, the going rate is somewhere around $1.50/ounce.

I also need a shower.

It's just not my day. But I am handling it rather well, thanks to my buddies Xanax and diet Dew. Also Brian helps a lot, he always brings me back from the edge of panic.

Have a good weekend, friends. Hope that none of you open any terrifying bills today.

You Called Me WHAT?

2012-02-11T04:08:00.001-05:00

I had Brian run out and buy me the fenugreek supplement to help improve lactation and he told me to text him the name of it. I just sent "fenugreek" and he got it and said "What did you just call me?! What kind of geek is that?!" LOL fenuGREEK not geek.

So funny.

It's probably funnier than it should be to me at the moment. I've gotten maybe 3 hours of sleep all day. That's the problem with sleeping all day on Thursday, Friday I was just not tired! And now here it is, wee hours of the morning on Saturday, and I am awake, running on empty, and hoping I can keep the baby asleep so I can go to bed. At least for a couple of hours.

I thought it would be easier to get Drake to fall asleep on his own since he can now sleep on his tummy... but that is not necessarily the case. He likes to sleep... but only in his Boppy pillow. He sleeps both ways on it now, which is funny. I guess I could move his pillow to his crib and put him sat on it and let him sleep that way... because that is what he does now, sleep in it on the couch. Is it really any different?

Anyway, a bit of humorous irony... isn't all irony humorous? I guess it can also be bitter. Anyway, take this how you will.

Fort Wayne was ranked as one of the top 10 safest cities in the United States. The criteria were crime rates, likelihood of natural disasters, and driving safety. We are smack dab in the middle, number 5. This was the big story of the day yesterday. Today's big stories? "Teacher with knife suspended" and "student brings grenade to school" and "$500k pot operation found in Fort Wayne home"

...I shit you not.

It's like the residents of FW decided to have some secret meeting where they decide to be the world's biggest douche bags.

Anyway, here's the rest of the list

#10 Anaheim, California
#9 Aurora, Colorado
#8 El Paso, Texas
#7 Phoenix, Arizona
#6 Henderson, Nevada
#5 Fort Wayne, Indiana – Fort Wayne residents go nearly twelve years without an accident, which, combined with their low crime rate, makes up for their mediocre 25 in natural disaster safety. Go Hoosiers! (The news team put that comment in, not me)
#4 St. Paul, Minnesota
#3 Tucson, Arizona
#2 Colorado Springs, Colorado
#1 Mesa, Arizona

Think I will move to Mesa. Actually, anywhere in Arizona seems safe. What about you guys, your cities make any top 10 lists?

Postpartum Week 5

2012-02-10T07:01:00.002-05:00

Sorry that this is a day late... I slept most of yesterday. Drake was very cranky Wednesday and it ran me a little ragged. Brian looked after the baby all day, thank goodness.

I took a little "me time" yesterday and took Max for a walk around the apartment complex (believe me, that was enough for me!) It was a brisk 20 minute walk. Brisk as in "kinda effin cold out" and also the pace.

Drake has been kicking me a lot when he lays on my stomach and it is irritating my incision. It's not red or anything, it just gets a little sore. I just take a Motrin and all is well. I try not to let him lay directly on it, but as I am shrinking (yay) and he is getting bigger (yay) his legs tend to stretch out and flail about.

I'm in the process of trying to re-lactate. Reading up on the literature of it, it is possible, but it will take even more effort. I am pumping 10 minutes per side for every waking hour. It is... exciting. I am up to making a quarter of an ounce (hahaha) per hour.

I also read that fenugreek herb is proven to increase lactation. It is an herb that stimulates the sweat glands. Considering that the milk glands are actually modified sweat glands, this is probably why it works. It's been proven to increase milk production up to 900% in most women, and is safe if you keep to the recommended dosage. I think I'll have Brian pick me up some today before he goes to work. From what I've read about it, it seems as though once the herb has helped increase supply, you can stop taking it. It starts to work in 1-3 days. Exciting.

I've gotten my yarn ball winder from Amazon. It works pretty well. The only trouble is, I have a LOT of yarn to wind into pull balls, and it only does them in 4 ounce increments. It's taken a bit of figuring out too. They recommend using a yarn swift to help speed up the process but I don't have one of those. They are expensive, so I have been using the spinning bottle drying rack ;) I feel so god damn clever sometimes it hurts!

Now that Drake and I are settling into a routine (when he doesn't have cranky days that is) I think I can start doing other things instead of sleeping while he is sleeping. I desperately want to get back in the groove of crocheting and I have been saving lots of patterns I want to tackle. I want to finish the baby blanket I didn't get around to finishing. Part of that though, is winding all the yarn. I think I'll shut up now so I can go do though.

:) Have an awesome Friday all

Tummy Sleep and Other Things

2012-02-08T12:37:00.003-05:00

Oh man... I've corrupted Drake.

He now only sleeps on our chests. While I love how snuggly he is, I know this is a terrible habit. And it is going to suck breaking it. He just falls asleep almost instantly all cuddled up and it's such a relief... but when you try and move him, he wakes up screaming. Who can blame him? One minute, he was very warm and close to Mom/Dad then the next he's all alone (although not really, he is just in his Boppy right next to us)

I'm wondering if he would do alright in his crib on his tummy. He loves to sleep on his tummy and sleeps very peaceful. I am kind of nervous because they say you aren't supposed to let them sleep on their stomachs any more... but Drake can roll over and lift his head up. He also sleeps with his face buried in my boobs and doesnt have any problem breathing. I think as long as I dress him warmly and don't have anything loose in the crib, he will be alright. I think I will start with a nap and see how he does, making sure he can breathe alright.

You know, conventional wisdom years ago was to let babies sleep on their tummies. Now it's not. I think it's all up to what works best for each baby. I have mixed feelings about the subject. I am sure I could rant on and on about it, but I don't think I will. Hardly interesting material.

Drake is doing really great at sleeping through most of the night. He goes down around 9-10 and then wakes up at midnight for a quick meal (usually 2 ounces) then falls back asleep until 3 am. He then sleeps in about 3-4 hour increments until midday.

Anyway enough of that, I've been having a great day on plan. I am tracking everything and trying really hard to stay within my daily allotment of points. As a consequence, I am STARVING. I feel soooo hungry. I guess that's a good thing. For snacks, I have pop-sickles, Fiber One brownies, sugar free pudding, fat free yogurt, frozen berries... all between 0-3 points.

I just got the bill for my birth in the mail today. Let me say this: THANK GOD for insurance. I still can't pay it, but hey, it's not a whole hell of a lot. I'm just broke. Same shit, different day.
:)

Overall, a great week. I'm so tempted to just pass out now. I'm very tired. And hungry. Being awake and out of points and hungry is miserable. Oh well.

Groceries, Personal Trainers and Other Things

2012-02-07T19:42:00.001-05:00

Today my mom and grandma ended up coming over on a whim (I love it when family does that) so Brian and I took the opportunity to go grocery shopping.

Here is what we walked out with:

Smart Ones meals (Chicken Enchilada Suiza and French Toast and Sausage, 5x each)
Fiber One chocolate peanut butter brownies (2 boxes, 6 in each box)
Lunchables turkey and cheddar (5x)
Velvetta cheese, 32 ounce slab
Diced tomatoes with chilies, lime juice, and cilantro
2 bags of tortilla chips
2 packages of chewy chocolate chip cookies (for Brian)
1 package of chocolate covered peanut butter patty type cookies (for me)
1- 4pk strawberry daiquiri coolers
1- 6pk hard fruit punch coolers
2 containers of low fat yogurt
1 bag frozen berries
1 container of BBQ pulled pork
1 package light hamburger buns
1 package 60-cal sugar free Jello pudding, dulce de leche
1 package sugar free Jello, raspberry & orange variety pack.

Tonight I made crock-pot nacho dip

1.3 lbs lean ground beef, browned and drained
1 can diced tomatoes with chilies, cilantro, and lime juice, undrained
1/2 cup diced onion
16 ounces of Velvetta, cubed
Dash pepper, garlic, and taco sauce

Combine onion and ground beef in a skillet, brown and drain. Transfer to crock pot. Add all the rest of the ingredients and turn crock pot on high for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Serve hot with tortilla chips.

Oh it's so good. And a little spicy.
I have no idea how many people this feeds. I'm going to assume 16 servings. Which means, about 4 people, since it is so darn good :)

I tracked every bite today. Even the entire box of chocolate covered peanut butter patty type cookies I had. I ate those in the car, on the way home from the store. It was my lunch. Don't judge. Judge if you want. There were only 16 cookies and I gave Brian 4 of them, so I only ate 3/4 of the package in a 5 minute drive home...Shh! I tracked it.

I think I got some fairly decent healthy fare at the store this week. Much better than usual. I know I bought 3 packages of cookies, but I already told you, I ate my box. The other two are Brian's and they will be gone probably within the next 24 hours. He loves cookies.

In other, healthy news... Our apartment complex has added a personal trainer to our fitness center. I find this a bit strange because the fitness center doesn't really have a lot of equipment (a few treadmills/ellipticals/stair steppers and then one of those all-in-one weight machines, like a Bow Flex, or whatever) He is going to be there on Mondays and Wednesdays. Unfortunately, I can't meet with him because Brian is not going to be home and someone needs to be with the baby. I am also curious if they have updated the fitness center? I haven't been in nearly a year, so who knows!

I changed my points on WW. I am not breast feeding any more. It's upsetting to me a little bit, because I am so busty, but I can't produce enough milk. No matter how often I was pumping, I never ended up with more than 16 ounces a day. Drake eats at least 24 ounces a day. So I made the choice to just go to formula so I could get more sleep and be a more competent mother. It's working out great so far.

Weigh In #2

2012-02-05T12:00:00.000-05:00

I'm so so tired. I think I have a slight touch of insomnia. I haven't been able to sleep. Every time I try, I end up tossing and turning and inevitably, I get up because there is no point in laying awake. I'm cranky beyond all belief. I'm doing okay with the baby, Drake's crying doesn't bother me any more. I don't get upset when he cries. Babies cry.

Anyway, in my sleep-deprived stupor, I weighed in today. Wee, two weeks on WW and I'm already not tracking. I'm not making excuses: I just didn't track.

The official weight is 231. That makes it a loss of -4, and down 7 from the start. I am officially 7 lbs lighter! My pants from Old Navy are way too big now. I am going to wash them and give them away. Kind of sad, since I just bought them, but oh well- I can't be upset that I lost 7 lbs and will have to buy new clothes again. What kind of silly thing would that be! I'm 11 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. So awesome.

I'm celebrating the small! I'm reveling in a 4 lb loss this week, a 7 lb cumulatively, and that I did not weigh myself once this week. I feel so much more in control.

This week's goals are simple: Drink more water and track at least 1 meal a day. I am going to try and track every bite, no matter what it is I am eating, but I am celebrating the small, and working toward small goals as well. The key to success is the little things. Small steps equal big rewards.

Once I hit 6 weeks postpartum, I might try and add in a little exercise. I want to do strength training and focus on that this time instead of so much cardio. Cardio was my downfall. I loved how I felt- a runner's high sort of thing- but it left me so hungry all the time. I would earn so many Points+ running on the elliptical/biking and then eat them all (and then some) and not track it. I think if I do a little weight lifting (just hand weights for now) I will be able to build up arm strength. Lugging a baby around is heavy and hard work. To be honest, Drake weighs more than my hand weights, so I can just lift him I guess!

So far, so good. I am going in 5 lb increments for goals, that way I can feel like I am making progress and not be faced with a huge, daunting number. In my weight tracker, WW set my first "goal" for 5% lost, which would put me at 226. That's 5 lbs away!

It was a great week, not just in regards to weight loss, but over all. I am aiming to make weight loss a priority, but not the main one in my life this time. I think having a more relaxed approach will probably help me in the long run, since I won't have all the self-inflicted pressure to lose x amount each week.

Thoughts

2012-02-04T12:56:00.003-05:00

I've been very sleep deprived the last couple of days. Not because the baby isn't sleeping well, but because I am getting used to less sleep, so it's harder for me to fall asleep, if that makes any sense. Once I am asleep though, it's that great deep sleep, where time flies by so quickly and dreams don't happen.

I haven't tracked a bite since Monday or Tuesday. We haven't ate out much though, so that's great. I know it's all food I've got at home that I have been eating. I've done my best to stay off the scale until tomorrow to see what it says.

One thing I noticed, quick foods are definitely appreciated. Anything that can be eaten with one hand, little hassle, and can be dropped at a moment's notice and come back to later... perfect! Granola and cereal bars are great for this. Cereal itself, not so much. Big meals, again, not so much. Half-sandwiches are good. Popcorn, peanuts, trail mix. Consequently, snack foods are in short supply here because they do not last very long!

I've been having some trouble organizing my thoughts into coherent sentences and trying to convey what I am thinking and feeling... probably because writing about exhaustion is exhausting and not very interesting to read. I don't really have anything exciting to talk about (unless you count the many versions of poopy diapers I get). I could gush about the baby, but I don't really have anything new or exciting to talk about. He grows every day and his personality is starting to blossom. I know I am going to be very busy once he can start crawling (which will probably be in a month or two, according to the pediatrician) but I am hoping that I also have time to take more interesting pictures. The only time I can really take pictures is when he is sleeping and that gets boring quickly.

I still find it hard to believe I've been a mom for over 4 weeks now. I still feel like it's all a dream really, and that this little baby isn't really mine... I think it's because of his manner in getting brought into the world that really makes it seem unreal. But I love him, he is so special and sweet. I adore being a mom, which is something I never thought I'd say. Although, to be honest, I feel a little more tied down. Now it's almost impossible to pick up and go anywhere (to the store, let alone on a spontaneous trip) Actually, I feel REALLY stuck at home. Even when Brian is home, I can't go anywhere. I don't know how to drive a stick yet. I feel like I am starting to get a little twitchy in that regard. I can't wait until Drake is a little older so I feel more comfortable moving him in and out of the house. We can go on walks. It will be nice.

Keep your fingers crossed for us- Brian got word that the official transfer date is February 21st! He will have a much shorter drive to work and he will be so much closer to home. We are really excited about this. Also, since we got the manual, the money he gets from the company for gas has actually been too much! He is able to fill up his gas tank and still have money left over, which never happened before. I love that. We might - gasp!- make a profit on gas money.

We got our state tax refund today- that was interesting. I wasn't expecting it for another 2 weeks and was really surprised when I got an alert from the bank that something had been direct deposited. We only got a small sum back, but every little bit helps. I'll probably blog about what we are going to do with the money over on the other blog.

I'm going to try and make some spaghetti with meatballs now, while I have Brian home to watch the baby while I attempt to cook. Have a great weekend! Weigh in tomorrow, so be sure to come back for that.

Postpartum Update Week #4

2012-02-02T20:12:00.001-05:00

I feel very full of confidence lately. I haven't had anything to worry about in a week or so, which is a very odd feeling. I have been worried about something in some manner or another all this last month, and now it feels like I am getting in the swing of things.

I feel capable of taking care of my son. I feel I can calm him down (most of the time) with little effort. I feel more comfortable holding him (not worried I will drop him or anything) and more comfortable bathing him.
I feel like I am in my element... this week, anyway. Babies change so much.

I feel strong. Hefting the baby around all day is no easy task (especially since he got weighed today- he is 10lbs 13 oz) I feel like I am more myself again.

I am eager to get in the kitchen again. I am eager to cook and bake and to even do some dishes. What can I say, I'm getting bored. And although we are having unseasonably warm days, I don't really want to take the baby for a walk in the stroller, probably because I haven't figured out how I'd get the baby and the stroller down 3 flights of stairs and then BACK up them.

I'm happy with how I look, considering. I am happy with the image in the mirror. I do want to continue to lose weight and get healthy, but it's different this time. It's sort of a casual, gradual journey this time, rather than trying to go from 0 to 60 and then getting so upset things aren't going the way I want to. I'm still bigger than I've been. I am wearing size 22W, the biggest ever. But I am choosing flattering cuts and colors, and trying to dress well, that way I always feel good about myself. The clothes fit wonderfully. I feel wonderful in them. So size is not really an issue. I don't want to be a 22W forever, or even for the next few months, but I know that size isn't everything.

I still haven't taken a picture of myself. It's not because I am ashamed or anything like that, it's just I don't have any time. Any time I do get, I'd rather do anything else! I mean, I enjoy sleeping as much as possible these days, editing YouTube videos, and watching DVDs. I don't have time for anything as mundane as taking pictures of myself.

Anyway, that's enough time spent blogging. :)

Mama Brain

2012-01-31T12:52:00.001-05:00

I've been afflicted! It's a terrible curse... I call it "Mama Brain". It's like pregnancy brain, but so much worse. After all, add in a little sleep deprivation, screaming baby, and a desire to just collapse in a heap, and you have Mama Brain.

Here is how I know I have it. I scheduled 2 doctor's appointments. For the same day. At nearly the same time. On opposite sides of town.

Yeah... stupid.

One is for Drake- it's his 1 month wellness check up. I think this one involves shots? UGH.
One is for me- It's my 2-week-post-staple-removal-check up. I really don't want to go. UGH

I'm calling my doctor to reschedule, because it is easier to get a different time or day than the pediatrician, and I am sure we will be there ALL DAY LONG anyway.

I haven't done much in the way of ...well... anything. I am still tracking and doing good. I eat a lot but hey, what matters most is I am being accountable for it. (I ate 70 points yesterday, for instance.) I managed a shower yesterday- first one in at least a week! Hey, that's pretty good when you consider I've been tending to the babe. I think I figured out a work schedule that works for everyone- I can get as many hours as I used to get, Brian still gets 6 hours of sleep, I get 6 hours of sleep, and Drake has us both about equally through the day now. Win.

Hope every one else is doing good.

Weigh-In #1

2012-01-29T11:06:00.001-05:00

My first week on Weight Watchers was interesting. It was only a half-week, really, starting on Wednesday and today is weigh in day.

Wednesday I ate too many points. Thursday I ate enough points, and Friday and Saturday, I did not eat all of my points.

Eating "meals" is really hard with the baby. What I like to call the Rule of Children comes into play every time. Every time I go to do something for myself (eat, in this case) Drake suddenly cries and needs me to attend to him. Of course this only happens when I am alone. I am getting used to it though, and I think I will need to become a grazer (a Point tracking one, anyway) for a few months.

I found the greatest success so far has been to set up my iPad to remind me to track my meals. If I am not near a computer or iPad, I do write it down on paper. Odd, I know, because I don't know the Points values for anything off the top of my head, but I do write down what I ate, then go back and add it in electronically when I can.

This time on Weight Watchers I am going to try to approach things differently. Instead of obsessing on the scale constantly- weighing in naked, first thing in the morning, or several times a day/week- I am only going to weigh in once on Sundays. I am taking a casual approach to the scale, and making sure to track like a fiend whenever possible.

That being said, I am proud to say I have lost some weight my first week! I officially weigh less than I did when I got married, and I am only 13 lbs away from losing the baby weight completely. It is nice to see that I am so close to being back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

My first "goal" is the standard 5% lost, which comes out to 11.9 lbs. I am down 3. Not too shabby of a start, eh?

Oh, and because Liz asked me where I did my shopping recently, it was at Old Navy online. They only carry their plus line on the website, and I found everything I have ordered from Old Navy, whether it was maternity or plus, to fit very well and to flatter both of my body shapes. I used a coupon code for 25% off, and since I spent over $50, I got free shipping too. Win.

Postpartum Week Three

2012-01-26T02:01:00.001-05:00

21 days ago... holy crap! Drake is definitely changing! His little personality is beginning to emerge. He loves being changed- both diaper and clothes. It cracks me up, he can be screaming his head off that he is wet/dirty/uncomfortable... but the second I lay him on the changing table, he stops because he knows he is getting changed. Funny. He also is a very mellow, relaxed baby... unless he is hungry, then he becomes the DEMON CHILD THAT WAILS until he gets fed. It's that exact pitch that just sends shivers down the spine and makes your ears want to bleed... you want to just toss him off the balcony at that point. But of course, the second you stick a bottle in his food hole, he's fine. Reminds me a lot of uhm... me. He is also starting to stretch out too, his legs are almost always extended (unless he is sleeping) He is so so alert, and can push his head up and hold it for increasingly longer periods of time. It's amazing.

How am I doing? I'm okay. Lots of changes. I am losing weight rapidly, partly from not really eating as regularly as I should be (sleep is more important) and partly from pumping. I cannot keep up with Drake's feeding demands. I just don't produce enough, despite constant pumping and keeping up fluids. I'm starting to think it's an intake problem- I'm not eating enough to sustain the supply. I'll have to try better.

I'm back to wearing my pre-pregnancy fat clothes, well tops/shirts anyway. Pants are still maternity, but that is alright. I am happy to be able to wear anything I want again.

I decided to do something nice for me and possibly the nicest gift I could give myself (aside from sleep) was some new clothes. I bought two new tops and a pair of pants.

I fell in love with the tops :) I love a good sweater these days, simply because I am constantly cold. The crochet trim halter tank will look awesome under a cardigan and be perfect for those pesky doctor's appointments when I am required to get out of the house lol

My mental health is much more sound this week too. After getting the car taken care of, I have been fine, no sudden weepiness or anything like that. I may be over the hump of baby blues, or it could have been I had a lot of time outside the house this week. Probably a little of column A and a little of column B.

My skin is definitely affected by hormones. Every square inch of it is dry dry dry! The skin on my face is especially dry and patchy. It feels like a Brillo pad. I've been trying to remember to moisturize it, and it's doing better... but it's the worst it's ever been in my life. Which, still, isn't that bad.

I realized if I missed a dose of my iron pills, I feel like shit. I start getting really cold and I just feel really off. If I take my iron pills, I find myself very warm... probably how normal people feel. Our apartment is set at a warm 74 degrees, which is too warm for Brian, perfect for the baby, and not nearly warm enough for me. This could also explain my fascination with really hot showers too... I feel like a lizard, who constantly has to soak in radiant heat to regulate my body temperature. It's weird and frightening, really, if you think about it. I've set alarms and reminders to make absolutely sure that I take my iron. I do not want to be anemic any more.

I'm really starting to enjoy being a mom. I know that there are still days where it will be really trying... but I still love it. I enjoy my son so much. He is the light of my life, and I can't believe the little guy is here. I look at my husband and just sort of stare in awe that we created him and that he is ours, through and through.

Brian has the day off so I was promised that I could sleep all day to catch up on it a bit. We will see how that really goes, because it seems like I can never sleep anymore. I'm praying I will be able to.

Car Shopping and Doctor Visit

2012-01-24T20:41:00.001-05:00

Today was incredibly, incredibly busy. I am soooo worn out.

Drake had his eye doctor appointment today. We were a few minutes late, because someone (me) had no idea where the dr's office was located. I knew the area, not the address, and couldn't remember the phone number. I blame being tired.

We waited nearly an hour and a half before being seen. I am so so so proud of my little dragon, because he did not really fuss at all. He did here and there, but quieted quickly. When we were finally seen, he sat on my lap in the chair and the dr checked out his eyes, put drops in (which Drake didn't care for much, but didn't complain) and then he left us in the room. Drake's eyes were dilating and we were left to contend with a baby growing increasingly fussy. We never hit meltdown point, because Drake gave up on being fussy and decided sleep was a better option.

We got the news- his eye is FINE! The worst case scenario is maybe he might develop a lazy eye, in which they would patch the good eye and force the lazy one to work harder. Which is like... nothing! Hurray! I must take this moment to say I am probably a terrible mother- because I stopped worrying about the welfare of Drake's vision when Brian totaled the car- but I know I am not a terrible mom, because I kept my baby calm and collected at the doctor's office and I knew his eye was probably fine anyway.

Which brings us to the next point- WE GOT A CAR!!! Hurray!!!! Not only did we manage to get a car in as little as a day, but we got a GREAT deal on it! It is a 2007 Chevy Aveo hatchback- Brian's been wanting one f-o-r-e-v-e-r, and it was a great deal and a great price. $7,000- 50,000 miles, 1 owner... it is a manual tranny though, which Brian did not know how to drive... but learned in the parking lot, and is a natural at it. We put down $1500 and got it for a better interest rate and lower monthly payment (by $20) than the last car.

Source

(PS how hokey photoshopped is that picture? I mean, seriously.)

The only terrible thing was somewhere between me counting the money in the envelope to paying for the down payment (a span of mere minutes) I lost $100. So instead of having $1500 in cash, I suddenly only had $1400. We looked every where for it. I counted 15 then only 14. We counted and counted and counted and it was only 14. So I put $100 on our debit card. Whatever. I don't care. I would gladly lose $100 extra dollars for a car. It wasn't a big deal to me. Also while I was sitting in the new car at the rental place and Brian drove the rental just next door to top up the gas, they closed the rental place and locked me in for the night, and Brian got back JUST in time to see the guy starting to leave!! Hahaha... weird.

Brian really got into driving the manual quickly, and only stalled out once (when we got home! haha) and we even drove it to my parent's house to show off. We are so impressed with ourselves. We totally feel like grown ups.

And, for the icing on the cake? I am back to my wedding weight. 238. Just 16 lbs to go until I am back to my pre-pregnancy/last WW weight! I am joining WW again too! Hurray!

The Irony

2012-01-24T02:16:00.001-05:00

Today was an ironic day. At first, it had me laughing, but the more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off. Good thing my sense of humor serves me first.

Let me start off by saying, I worked until 3 am yesterday morning and then I slept until 6 am. Brian was on baby duty, and then we switched off so he could get some sleep. He sleeps from 6 to noon, and I wake him up at noon. The plan was for me to sleep from noon to about 3, when my grandma was coming up to watch the baby while my dad and I went to the claims office for the insurance company.

Brian wanted to go car shopping, so he got someone to cover his shift. He suddenly has the day off. I am not tired, so I don't sleep. I'm all anxious about this whole check thing and EVEN THOUGH I called and double checked they printed it, I was still nervous that the mf-ers would some how eff that up.

Grandma comes up and then Dad, so Brian drives us to the insurance office, dad and I pick up the check and I ask the lady- "is there anything else I need to know or do from here?" Keep this in mind, it's very important to the story. She tells me no, and sends us on our merry way.

We drop my dad off who comes to visit the baby for a moment before heading home. Grandma tells us to go car shopping. We order a pizza for Grandma and then I get some things around and we go to the bank to cash the check.

We head inside the bank, sign the check and ask the lady to cash it... which she doesn't. Because she can't. Apparently, the insurance company does something called a "positive pay" which means that even though the check is dated for 1/23/12 we can't do anything with it (deposit it, cash it, lick it, whatever) until 1/24/12, which to me, sounds a lot like a post dated check. And that pissed Brian off. No one tells you this stuff, even when you ask. I guess you have to ask the right questions, which would have been "how soon can I spend your goddamn money?" but I digress. See why I was worried the mf-ers would mess it up? Because they did, just not in the way I expected.

We decide there is no harm in just going to look at cars, even if we have to wait 24 hours to cash the check and have the down payment, we can at least look. The one car I am really interested in, I called the guy at the dealership, can't legally show us the car today, because they are waiting on the bank for funds to clear, so technically, it won't be for sale until January 24th.

Do you see it? The irony, I mean. Even if we did get the check cashed, we still couldn't look at the damn car. But that is proof that everything happens the way it should.

Well, we decide that this whole day had been stupid, so we go to the mall to wander around and blow off a little steam. We then get a bright idea- let's spend a little money on ourselves, just for us, nothing baby related. Brian buys a new video card for his computer, and I buy some clothes from Old Navy online, because they only sell plus wear online. They double charged me, but it's still pending, so I will have to wait and see if the charge disappears, or if I have to call someone and get that fixed.

We then came home and tried to take a nap, but at this point, I'm still pissed off about whole car-insurance debacle and Brian is all geeked out over his new toy/having time to himself. We realized that we had not even been able to cuddle in bed together for 20 days- 2 days before Drake was born- because I was in the hospital. It was nice to hold hands and just walk around, also to snuggle up to each other without having to worry about the baby.

The best part of today? It gets to repeat for tomorrow, hopefully with different results! Oh, and we have an eye doctor appointment for the Dragon Boy at 9:00 am on the other side of town; why do I do this to myself?!!?! So hopefully we will get some news on that front.

I'm exhausted. I'm about to pass ou---zzzzzzzz

At Least I'm Trying

2012-01-22T01:09:00.003-05:00

I have a lot of thoughts running through my mind right now.

I'm trying not to stress about this car situation.
I'm trying to figure out how to be a parent (so far the general consensus is "wing it")
I'm trying to remember to take care of myself. To eat, to shower, to stay hydrated, to take all of my damn pills.
I'm trying to feel my feelings.
I'm trying to encourage Brian to do the same.
I'm trying to realize that it is okay to cry.
I'm trying to remember what it was like to poop without being in pain.
I'm trying to relish each moment of sleep.
I'm trying to take in all the little moments with Drake.
I'm trying to be a good wife and a good mother.
I'm trying to get used to the idea that I am a mother.
I'm trying to walk the path of what is right, not what is easy.
I'm trying to get used to the fact that I am bovine in nature- a grazer and a milk maker.
I'm trying to remember my own name.
I'm trying not to hold any expectations.
I'm trying not to let the moment get the best of me.
I'm trying not to let the hormones rule my emotions.
I'm trying to get used to the damn pump
I'm trying not to take the pump in vain.
I'm trying not to let other's opinions sway me.
I'm trying not to forget that I am not being given any more than I can handle.
I'm trying to believe that it will get better.
I'm trying to remember why I thought it was a good idea to work such late hours

All I can do is try.

Saturday

2012-01-21T09:48:00.001-05:00

Well I managed a bit of sleep, 3 and a half hours. That's pretty good. The babe woke up so we fed and changed and he peed all over my crisp, clean night gown. That was fun.

He woke up at 4:30, after I had attempted (foolishly) a dream feed at 4, which was a success, but I think it was too close to his waking time. I will have to try a more reasonable hour today. We are all trying to transition to a normal schedule. It's hard because Brian works 2nd and I work 3rd, and the baby has no concept of time.

Between the hours of 4 am and 5 am he had 4.5 ounces and this latest feed he had 3 ounces. We are already almost a third of the way through the day in terms of food hehe what a big boy.

Brian woke up early to go to the car lot to remove all of our possessions from the now-totaled car. The auto place is only open for 3 hours on Saturday, closed on Sunday, and they are taking our car away on Monday. It's a very small time frame, and Brian is the only one who can go and do it, being as I can't drive/lift anything anyway.

I can see why mothers choose to formula feed. Not only is breast feeding a pain in the neck, but pumping is too. I hate it so much. My boobs are so big that I have to pump one at a time, and that takes up to an hour to drain both sufficiently. I get a lot of yield, but never enough it seems to have more than a day's supply (at best) on hand. I have to pump more often but I often decide I would rather sleep instead of pump.

Meh. I'm going back to bed.

Apparently

2012-01-21T02:37:00.001-05:00

...the EASY plan does work, if you manage to chart it all down. For instance, a baby Drake's size should be taking in 18-24 ounces every day. We are still doing half milk/half formula, but Drake managed 22 ounces in the last 24 hours. He also slept 16 hours with an average nap time of 3 hours. Textbook baby? I am thinking he is part TEXTBOOK personality and part ANGEL personality, with a touch of TOUCHY (when he's overstimulated)

(I am also using the Similac baby app that I Like Beer and Babies mentioned, which is great, because it shows it all in trendy little charts.)

....I need to shower more. I kept getting a whiff of something disgusting, like a dirty diaper or something around and could never find the source. It was in every room of the apartment. Apparently, it was me. Gross. I showered and feel a little better.

....Xanax is a life saver. With it, I managed to keep down a bowl of cereal and a popsicle! I know.

....I need more sleep. I've gotten 3 hours over the last 24. Hoping today I can catch up a bit.

EASY Method, Day 3

2012-01-20T23:23:00.001-05:00

Day 3....So far, so good. Reading the baby whisperer book is a god send. She said it would take about three days or so to see an improvement, and we have!

3:55 am Drake wakes up, Brian prepares a bottle. I get off work at 4. We prepare to switch off.
4:20 am Drake finishes his breakfast, 3.5 ounces. The new bottle is perfect (today).
4:35 am Mama has changed a diady, given him a wipe down, put lots of butt paste on, changed his outfit, and we played a little peek a boo, before swaddling for a nap.
5:00 am Drake is asleep- IN HIS CRIB!- and Mama only had to go in twice to reassure him she had not disappeared. During this time, I read more of my book and tweet. I chart everything down. I lay on the futon and browse the web. Daddy is asleep in the bedroom. I eat breakfast for the first time in two weeks.

This marks the first set of EASY- Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time.

The second cycle of EASY was not as easy as the first one today- Drake didn't want to wake up. He is still in the habit of sleeping all day (and he was really fussy yesterday, meaning he is extra tired today).

It went like this

6:30 am Mama prepares a bottle and heats it up.
6:35 am Mama gets Drake and tries to wake him. I tickle his hands, and stroke his face, turn on lights and tell him it's time to wake up, he needs to eat. I keep a running dialogue with him. He eats 1 ounce and falls back asleep. No waking tactics work, so I don't try and force it. We go directly to the A- Activity.
7:00 am Change his diaper, he pees all over himself (including hitting himself in the face- ha!) so I clean him up and wash his face/head and change his outfit.
7:15 am By now, he is wide awake. Like a severely drunken person, he did not wake when he pissed on his own face, but when I cleaned him up. We switch outfits and fuss a little, but we are wide awake now! I decide to repeat the E- Eat, since he only had an ounce. We eat with vigor now, then fall back asleep. Total consumed- 2.5 ounces.
7:35 am He gets swaddled for his next nap. He is still asleep when I swaddle him and put him in his crib. He doesn't even wake when the drop side SQUEALS as it slides back into the locked position. (I need Brian to get some W-D 40 on it) I leave the room with a "Mama's still here, if you need me, just say so and I'll come get you." But it's not heard. He's dreaming of whatever babies dream of. Ever-flowing tits and Winnie the Pooh or whatever.

We did great until around 2:30 pm, and after that, it went all pear-shaped. I could not get him back to sleep. We ate a lot, and we did tummy time, and we did a lot of diaper changes, but he just would not sleep. I tried not to overstimulate him, but he became overtired anyway. He would WAIL every time he was not in my arms....

During this time, the insurance company called about the car. It is a total loss. The good news? They paid out $3800 for the car, $2500 of which goes to pay off my loan. Minus fees and whatnot, we get a check for $1150 Monday. There are all sorts of strings attached to this. My dad, who was the cosigner, HAS to be in person with me to come pick up the check. We have to sign a Power of Attorney statement, saying the insurance company can take the car. They are picking up the car from the auto shop on Monday, so Brian has to get all of our possessions out of the Malibu tomorrow. The rental car is due back Wednesday. That leaves us Monday, Tuesday, and maybe part of Wednesday to car shop....

...with a baby....
...around his work schedule....

Understandably, I am stressed. To make matters worse, it's snowing today and Brian was working. Snow plows just sort of gave up on keeping the roads plowed until it stopped snowing... which will be around 7 am tomorrow. Add in a bit more stress here....

Finally, around 6:30 pm, I got the bright idea to use the box fan on high and have lots of loud white noise to help the baby fall asleep. It went something like this

WAIIIIIIIIL WAILLLLLLLLLL WAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WA WA WA WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLL *fan on* wa- wa- hmmmm hhmmmm henh henh henh.... henh.... *dead to world*

I have had ZERO time to pump since 4 am. I zonked out on the couch because that is what great moms do.

Brian gets home and the baby wakes around 10:15 pm. He slept a little longer because well, we were both tired and frankly, we needed it.

10:20 pm Brian feeds the baby and changes him, and then he becomes the baby whisperer himself and the Dragon is out like a light again not even 30 minutes later.

Sigh. Now I can devote my energies to finding a car, downing Xanax, and trying to keep all my insides where they belong because I feel so stressed out that I might physically vomit. I am so tired, cranky, stressed, and covered in baby vomit. We have an additional $700 that we could use for a down payment if we have to and we are looking for a car between $5000 and $7000 so I know things will work out... they always do... but it is just a stressful transition made a little more stressful on the fact of dealing with a newborn....not that the baby knows what is going on... he's just a baby, after all.

Okay, I need to pump and drown myself in some Xanax so I can at least calm down enough to eat.

(Aside from the 5 hour span in which my child was screaming uncontrollably because he was overtired and unwilling to go to sleep- today was a great day on schedule. It is getting easier each day. Although I have not had more than 3 hours of sleep all day.. so not too happy about that)

Two Weeks Postpartum

2012-01-20T02:12:00.001-05:00

The hormones are killing me. I cry at literally everything. I cry when I get a nap, when Grandma comes over to relieve me, when Brian goes to sleep, when the baby cries, when the baby sleeps, when I *finally* get a chance to eat for the first time that day, when I read blogs, tweets etc.

I know it's hormones. I swear I am not really like this.

I had a melt down today. I was up since 5 am with the baby. It was about noon or so. The baby would not sleep longer than an hour, wouldn't eat more than an ounce at a time, and was just fussy all day long. Brian was awake by this time and holding the baby. I was supposed to be laying down, but I just couldn't stop thinking about the car and our bills and I kept trying to do the math to see if we would have enough money this month for the bills and I got different answers each time, none of them good.

I just lost it. Started crying. I was positively wailing in no time, so Brian held the baby in one arm and me with the other. I blew my nose on a wet wipe and took a couple Xanax. Yes, a couple. More than I ever had. Brian and I went over bills and etc, turns out we are fine.

Grandma came over because I begged her to. I wanted to get out of the house so badly. I am not allowed to drive for another 4 weeks. It was gross out today, snowy and slick, and she came anyway. We went grocery shopping (a huge endeavor) and had a lunch out. It was a lot to do for me today, since I am still recovering. We walked around Target and got groceries, different baby bottle nipples, breast milk storage bags, butt paste for diaper rash, stool softener (I take iron pills, which make me extremely constipated) Target is huge and overwhelming. I wouldn't have gone, but we had a gift card, so why not?

The new bottle nipples seem to work better. He is getting more in at each feeding, and he is not spitting up at all which is very good. In fact, he had two bottles full back to back, totaling 12 ounces. He must have been really hungry. I think the other nipples were making him cranky.

Despite that fact, the baby is just fussy. Has been for a few days. I am not sure what is different all of a sudden? Maybe he is just a fussy baby. I really have no idea. I am trying to tune into his needs but it is really *really* hard when he is screaming his fool head off, and refusing food, pacifier, swing, bouncy, rocking, cuddling, etc. Is he gassy? Does he have reflux? Not getting enough food at one time? Is he tired? Overstimulated? Bored? I am just bumbling through this. It's even harder on Brian, who really has no clue what a baby is and each time Drake cries, I can see how frantic Brian gets... the baby's cries are just the right pitch to grate on Brian's every nerve. Poor guy.

But I really really really can't do this alone, so Brian will just have to learn to cope, same as me. Thank God for Xanax

I'm not in any pain really from the surgery any more, which is good. I keep taking my Motrin and I never got my Percocet refilled. Once they took my staples out, I didn't need it any more. Stupid staples, flesh was not meant to be held together by metal. Although, the nurse gave me the best compliment, she said that my stomach was way flatter than hers was, and she delivered vaginally, and her baby wasn't as big as mine was! They were also impressed with how tiny my incision was, considering how ~~big headed~~ large Drake was/is. I still haven't seen my incision/scar. I can feel the scar tissue, and when I am able to resume normal activities, I am going to massage the area. Massaging even 5 minutes a day can drastically improve the appearance of scar tissue... trust me. I did it on my ankle. One side looks awful and painful, the other side looks like nothing is even there.

I am down a total of 20 lbs, more than half the baby weight has come off. I weigh 240 now and my pre-pregnancy weight was 222, so only 18 more pounds to go! My feet aren't as swollen, I can shower unassisted (I had trouble getting in and out of the shower and toweling off from the waist down)

My boobs are so big and swollen now. Like I really needed them to be any bigger. The last bra I had bought, I bought big on purpose. I was a 46DD before, so I bought a 48DD and now it is too small! They leak constantly. I took a maxi pad and cut the ends off of it and shoved them in my bra to absorb leaks. Works like a charm. Why buy those expensive breast pads when you can just use up the rest of those horrid maxi pads you get from the hospital? Haha

I love that my belly is flat now and I can see my feet (if I moved my boobs out of the way first) and I can fit into some of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I haven't tried any pre-preggers jeans yet, but I am also still nearly 20 lbs heavier than I was, so I don't think they will fit. I got rid of all my "fat" jeans when I dropped a couple sizes.

Well, the baby is down for the count, Brian is decompressing by working on a commission (ha, weird that work is a way to decompress now), and I have an hour off between shifts, so I might as well play the resident bovine and pump some precious milk for my darling to eat all up tomorrow. Plus I want to try the breast milk bags. I got the Lansinoh brand- love/hate? Recommendations?

E.A.S.Y. as Pie

2012-01-19T02:46:00.000-05:00

I bought The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems based on the reviews of the book and also because Baby Dufour said it was working for her Ethan.

Now, the whole premise of the book is to get the baby on a routine, not really a schedule, since we aren't locked into time slots here, and it's basically a 3-hr rotation (sounds like a schedule to me, but I'm open minded). Basically, the baby follows a pattern.

E- Eat (~30 minutes)
A- Activity (20-45 minutes)
S- Sleep (1.5-2 hours)
Y- You (parent) time during the sleep cycle

It says the earlier you start, the better the results will be. Today was the first day of monitoring Drake's current habits. Man, what a terrible day to pick! He has been fussy ALL day. He slept pretty much all of Tuesday (Dad was home) and from 5 am on- he would not allow me to do anything. I couldn't feed him, change him, or get him to sleep. Finally I managed to grab a cat nap around 2 pm and then my grandma came over around 4:30 and let me sleep until 9:30. When I woke up, Drake wanted a bottle and then he fell asleep, grandma left, and I fell asleep too. Bliss.

We will try again tomorrow. Part of this whole E.A.S.Y. thing is I am not sure if he is getting enough to eat now, we discovered one bottle nipple he couldn't get it fast enough and the other type it was too fast. The Goldilocks nipples we had before were disposable, so I may have to go on a hunt for other nipples. Also, I'm out of diaper creme, and now his ass is red. Fantastic. I've been using Vaseline. But tomorrow, Brian is off, and I am soooo getting out of the house and going grocery shopping/errands. Grandma said she would come over to baby sit while we get some "us" time. I am so thankful to her for wanting to come over so often, it's a bitch of a drive from her house to mine.

Ugh what a terribly long and exhausting day.

Brian took the car in to the auto shop and they ran an estimate. $2,000 to fix it- or it's totaled- depending on how the insurance company chooses to look at it. If they decide to fix it, we pay our deductible. If not, well we hope they give us enough money from it being totaled to pay off my car loan. I owe just over $2,200 on it. Then we would need enough money to buy a new car. Ugh. I don't really know what to do. We have a few options of course, but it all depends on what the insurance company says. We will know in two days.

Brian's on Dragon Duty now- Drake was screaming all day and finally, mercifully, passed out and seems to be in a deep sleep. Brian fully undressed/changed diaper/scrubbed poo off of legs & bum/redressed and moved the baby with out him waking. I can't help but be slightly jealous- why couldn't the baby do that for ME?- but mostly I am just relieved to have some peace and quiet. Poor Brian, he worked 8 hours today and when he comes home, I'm passed out on the futon and only woke up because I had a few hours of work.

We tried to do a "dream feed", where you don't wake the baby, but feed them while they are mostly asleep... and that didn't work out so well. Drake started sputtering and coughing and spitting up the milk (but not waking, of course) and then once he figured out it was a nipple, started sucking but not swallowing... basically using it as a pacifier.

Clearly, I need to read the rest of the book first before I try to put the practices into play, but it certainly doesn't hurt to chart his behaviors.

And that's all the exciting news from baby land. I was so flustered today, I didn't even take any pictures. Also, my iPad battery died.

A Day Off

2012-01-18T01:54:00.002-05:00

The morning started at 6:45 am. We had severe thunderstorms all early morning, making it impossible to sleep. Also, Drake pretty much refused to sleep without his pacifier. He would wake up, cry, suck on it, fall asleep immediately, spit it out, and repeat. For 3 hours. I eventually got so tired of getting up, plugging it back in his mouth, laying down and repeating, that I laid him on the futon in his Boppy and put my finger on his pacifier to keep it from falling out.

We drove to my hometown and got in the doctor's office pretty much immediately. My doctor loved the baby and gave me more Xanax, hurray! We stopped by the insurance company and dropped off the receipt for the tow, and finally came home. Drake slept through it all- sans pacifier, I might add.

We came home and fed the baby, changed him, and all three (four, if you count the dog) of us took a nap until 2 pm. Brian got up and cleaned. I was running a slight fever so I stayed put. (Slight fever = normal, from what I was told)

His parents came for a visit at 3 and brought us an outfit and a parenting book (How to Make Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours) They mercifully left at a quarter after 4 and I took another nap (being so sleep deprived makes me kind of cranky with visitors) and Brian took over watching the baby and let me sleep until 11:30. I had to wake up at this time because my breasts were so swollen it was hard to lay comfortable in any position. I realized I hadn't pumped ALL day.

I got that out of the way and managed a few hours worth of work. Wow it was so nice to have Brian home today so I could rest up and be ready to handle the wee hours of the morning (largely my domain, since Brian works most nights, I try to let him get unbroken sleep from about 4 am to 11 am)

Drake has been sleeping so well today. We were awake for visitors (because they woke him up, which sort of annoyed me) then he fell immediately back to sleep afterward. I think since we made the switch to purely breast milk, he has been sleeping deeper and longer. He is still a big eater, so I try not to worry. We do wake him occasionally to feed him, but he does well enough on his own.

Tomorrow Brian works from 4:30 until 11:30 pm. These days are so long, so so long. I am glad that he has lots of hours, because we definitely need the money, but it seems like the days just drag on and on... at least I have the little one to keep me company. I do love it when Brian is home though, so nice to communicate with someone who isn't grunting or screaming, or pooping.

One of these days, this blog will be about healthy living again. Right now, it's about healthy recovering and a bit of baby bragging. Did you know he rolled over again? Ah, what a proud Mama I am.

Metal Free

2012-01-17T01:59:00.002-05:00

They removed my staples today and put some Steri-strips on them. Great, just what I need, more tape residue... sigh. They are supposed to last 2 weeks. I go back in on Feb 2nd for another check up.

I still have high blood pressure (from the anemia) but the iron pills are helping. I also have a low grade fever, normal for having major surgery. That could partly explain my chills I get too. I ran out of Percocet, but they prescribed me more. Since I had my staples removed, I haven't been in any pain. I went 12 hours without a pain pill. Hurray! I took one just to be safe not too long ago though.

I was reminded again not to lift anything other than the baby, not to do stairs (haha I live on the third floor!) not to insert anything into the vagina, no baths, no sex, blah blah blah for 4 more weeks at least.

I'm at a dangerous part in recovery now that I no longer have the staples and am in less pain, I am going to start thinking I am better now (I know I will) and may try to take on too much. But I have to keep being basically useless for 4 more weeks. All I can do is hold/change the baby and pump, with the occasional light cooking. I'm not allowed to put anything in the oven, just stove top. Sigh.

Pumping is going great- seems like my boobies have gotten the memo and have stepped up production. I got 4 ounces from one, and was still going strong. Then The Dragon decided he was hungry. Not wanting to stop pumping (it's a pain in the ass to start and stop) I gave him the freshly expressed milk and he drank it all. Every last drop. I got 4 ounces from the other and an additional 2 from the first, so it was okay. I'm happy I can keep up now, we haven't had to give him any supplemental formula today.

I weighed myself for the first time since I came home. When I came home, I was 260 lbs, which was MORE than what I weighed when I went in to the hospital. I weighed 257 then. I was retaining a lot of fluids, so I tried not to think about it. I checked again today, and I am pleased to report the swelling is going down and all the extra water is moving the fluids out! I weigh 245!

New mom paranoia is setting in. I noticed Drake's normal eye was matted shut with eye boogers and I cleaned them away. Then it happened again, and again. I was starting to think maybe he had an infection? We did go to the pediatrician's office and there were a lot of sick kids there. Maybe he picked up pink eye? Or maybe the dog licked his face and he got something in his eye? I asked my mom, and she said it was normal- babies ooze all sorts of fluids from every orifice. Since then, I have noticed his eye only gets boogers in it if he is sleeping, when he is awake, it's clear. His 'dragon eye' never seems to get any boogers. I wonder if his normal eye is over productive? or maybe his other eye is under productive? I see the eye doctor on the 24th. I'll try to keep my panicking to a minimum until then.

I'm all hormonal too. On the referral to the eye dr, under "reason" they had put "evaluation and treatment of abnormally shaped pupil" and I started crying uncontrollably. I look at his sweet face and he looks up at me, both eyes wide, and I see his dragon eye and recall "abnormally shaped pupil" and start crying and apologizing to him. Let's get one thing straight: it's not anyone's fault his eye is like that and yes, it is abnormal. At least they didn't put "freakishly deformed" He can see with it and that's all that matters. I cry over everything. Stupid hormones.

I'm off to bed, I have a loooong day ~~tomorrow~~ today. I have a dr's appointment for more Xanax, we need to go to the insurance company to get reimbursed for our tow, we need to take the car to the shop to get fixed (and by "we" I really mean Brian, I can't drive still), and Brian's parents are coming for a visit. My day starts at 6:45 and it is 2 am. Night night.

Lucky

2012-01-15T19:45:00.002-05:00

I'm trying my best to stay positive during this whole car fiasco thing. So far, we have maybe $350 of the $500 we need... which is great! We can probably have it all by Tuesday, as long as I do some creative budgeting (ie put off some bills until later this month) we need the car fixed ASAP so bills can wait. It sucks to prioritize bills again... but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. We need the car to make money, so it comes first.

But today, I am incredibly lucky. The Dragon and I have been hanging out all day. Mostly, sleeping. I swear, since I stepped up production (thanks, boobies) the babe has been sleeping longer and deeper. It's a very welcome present! Even Brian got an insane amount of sleep (for a new parent anyway) he got NINE whole hours. 6 of them in a row!

Drake slept from noon to 6 pm tonight. Then he woke up, ate 4.5 ounces, needed a diaper change. Changed him, changed his outfit and while he was naked, he got a baby massage. He really likes those. Stretches out his little limbs and looks around the whole time, soaking it in. Then he zonked out and fell asleep by 7 pm.

Tomorrow morning I get my staples out. I have been looking forward to this all weekend. Two of my staples are pinching my skin really badly and I'm about to take them out myself! I won't of course. My doctor gave me a sterile suture removal kit to bring to the office tomorrow... is that weird? It's got us weirding out over it... like wtf dude, you don't have your own suture removal kits in the office? Maybe he's hoping the staples piss me off enough that I remove them myself? I dunno.

I love not being pregnant anymore. I have no heartburn. The pain pills are magnificent. Even the iron pills don't suck that much. I love snuggling with my little boy. I still feel like he is not quite mine... like how did the last 9 months sneak up on me? I sort of feel like he is a loaner baby to get me ready for my kid... but he's not, he's my babe through and through. Looks like his dad, acts like his mom. Lord help us, he will be a heart breaker for sure. I noticed too, that I am not always constantly hungry! I really feel like it must have been the baby, because now I have to really struggle to eat. It's like, oh yeah, I haven't had anything in 12 hours. I should probably eat this sandwich. I'm really trying to eat as normally as possible (hard to do with a newborn,even a lazy one like mine). I do fantastic with the fluids though.

Ok, I've looked this gift horse (Dragon) in the mouth long enough, I need to go take another nap while I can. Brian's working until 11:30 tonight, and we have an early day tomorrow, so I need all the rest I can get.

Some Like a Baby Nine Days Old

2012-01-15T00:00:00.000-05:00

Last night, Brian called me. He had a collision while working, he had hit a wooden support for a hill. The front end of the car is smashed. We have to take it in the shop. The ironic part is, I just raised our deductible from $250 to $500 in an effort to lower our insurance premiums. Do you know what we save per year with a higher deductible? $14. Sigh. We have to come up with $500 to get the car fixed. Luckily, it's driveable, but needs to have a lot replaced. Thank God Brian wasn't hurt, and no one else was involved. Thank God also for full coverage insurance, as we were able to rent a car and get reimbursed for the tow (There's $50 of the $500!)

~~

My family came over today. It was the first time my parents had seen the baby after we left the hospital. Brian and I were shooed away to take a nap (thank God) and mom, dad, and grandma took over. Mom and Grandma cleaned the entire apartment and Grandma went to the grocery store to buy us some food. We had almost nothing in our cupboards, sad really. We just haven't had time to go to the store. I was so thankful for the clean house and the groceries. Dad checked out the car and saw that there was nothing mechanically wrong with it. We needed someone who knew something about cars to give it a look over, so we don't get screwed at the mechanic's.

Every one oohed and awwed over the baby. We woke up at three and had some cookies and diet mountain dew. It was so nice to sleep and not have to worry about what was going on with Drake.

~~

Pumping is going well, thanks to all the suggestions. I keep ice water with me at all times and suck it down with a straw. I have been able to produce 5 ounces on average per session. I am so thankful Drake can't latch on to me, because that kid has a strong sucking reflex and it would hurt. No, bottle feeding is definitely the way to go. We are still supplementing with formula, doing half and half... it seems to be working. Doing purely breast milk seems to go through him too quickly and he is eating every hour. But if we do half formula, he stays fuller longer and sleeps better. It's the best of both worlds. Eventually, he will be purely on breast milk, but for now, this is what is working for us at the moment.

~~

I do have some of the baby blues. Not postpartum depression, which I was worried about. Depression runs in the family, so I am glad that I have so far avoided PPD. I do cry at the slightest things. Drake "smiling" in his sleep; when I look at his eye; when I read the referral to the ophthalmologist, and it said "evaluation and treatment of abnormally shaped pupil"; when Brian comes home and I ask him to watch the baby while I take a quick shower/nap/make dinner and he sighs heavily. I can't help it, I just start sobbing. No warning. No build up. And as quickly as they start, they stop. So I know it's hormones/baby blues. Stupid hormones.

Drake is healthy and thriving, which is what all mothers want to hear and see.

Quietly contemplating his next poop

What a precious face! This is what I stare at all day long.

Hard to believe it's already been nine days.

~~

My pain is still there. All of yesterday and today, I felt pinching of two of the staples and it hurt really bad. Brian checked it out for me (I can't see the incision myself, thank God) and said that the two I thought were hurting were red and swollen. I think they are rubbing against my underwear. I have to wear underwear though, because I still need the pads. And that's all I will say on that subject. Monday I get the staples removed. Monday cannot come fast enough for me. I'm taking more Motrin than I am Percocet now, so I think I am in a transition period. Let's hope the pain goes away soon. Once it does, I know I will be a hundred times better... the pain pills make me twice as sleepy as normal, so it feels like I am constantly on "E" and I can never get enough rest. I feel fine until I have to take one again, then I get all sleepy.

Well, that's it for the update.

First Snow.

2012-01-13T11:04:00.002-05:00

The first real snow of the season fell early this morning. How do I know this? I was up with the baby from 2:30 til 6:30 am until the little tyke fell asleep.

It was a long morning. The wind was howling and the snow falling. We got *maybe* an inch and a half. I got *maybe* two hours of sleep before Drake was up again.

Luckily, Brian got 6 solid hours of sleep, so he can take over until he has to go to work.

Me? I'm going back to bed. I'm only waking up to pump whenever Drake needs feeding. I can't keep up with his demands, so I am trying to pump pretty much around the clock. I'm just not producing enough yet, but I know the more I try, the more I will be able to meet quota. Supply and Demand, the basic law of breast feeding.

Right now, we have to supplement with formula. Sigh. At least he is getting *some* breast milk.

It's Been One Week

2012-01-12T19:36:00.002-05:00

Since you were brought into the world little man

One week since my whole life changed. Wow, where did time go?

Today, we had his one week wellness check up. The doctor was VERY impressed with Drake. They actually said he was perfect! I said of course, I knew he was perfect! He did not cry, fuss, or become too wiggly to handle. He just kind of looked around, very alert, soaking things in.

He weighs 9 lbs 1 ounce, so he should be back to his birth weight in no time. They were impressed he was such a big eater (4-6 ounces every 4-6 hours) and how good of a sleeper he is (we are fortunate enough to get 5+ hr stretches at a time) and how strong he is.

Did you know if you place him on his tummy, he can lift his head AND chest up off the floor? We were given the go-ahead to start tummy time because they believe he will be an early roller. Like, within the next week or two early.

Hard to believe he is only 7 days old.

As far as his measurements go, he is 81% proportioned correctly and if we lined up 100 baby boys his age, only 11 of them would be taller than him. He is a big boy :)

We were referred to an ophthalmologist to check out his eye. I don't know if anyone else noticed it, but he has a special eye... his pupil is keyhole shaped. We know for a fact he can see out of both eyes and that he can track things with them both equally, but we still need to check him out. There isn't any real concern about it, just a precaution at this point.

The Dragon Eye

We call it his dragon eye. Most people end up calling it a cat eye, and while it is rare, few people have permanent damage to the eye. It's a congenital condition and there isn't any "cure" or fix for it. I think it's adorable.

How am I doing? I'm doing great. I definitely need to keep up with my pain medication, otherwise I become so stiff and sore and useless. The pediatrician didn't recognize me at first, because I look so much healthier and better than when she saw me last :) That was the best compliment ever.

I get my staples out on Monday and I look like I am about 5 months pregnant still, but overall I am very happy with how I look and feel. I love being a mom, something I never thought I would say! I count my blessings every day.

Life After C-Section

2012-01-11T15:46:00.001-05:00

Here is what I have discovered recovering from a c-section:

1) Take your pain meds every 4 (6, 8) hours regardless of how you are feeling at the moment. Keeping the drugs in the system make it easier to control the pain later, when it will really hurt. Waking up after a nap/sitting in one place too long can make you very stiff and very sore. You will be happy you woke up at 2 am to take your pain meds when you have to get up at 6 am to feed your screaming infant.

2) Take it slow and easy, but don't be lazy. A big part of recovering from a c-section is moving. Keep moving (slowly) and you will feel better and be able to do more and more each day. It's a challenge at first... that first day getting out of bed is a bitch, but it honestly gets easier the second and third time and so on & so forth.

3) Even if you didn't give birth to a 9+ lb baby, holding a baby constantly puts a lot of pressure on an already sensitive area. A pillow works great to help support your little bundle of joy. Also, having your spouse/grandma/BIL/any one with hands hold the baby for even 15 minutes is a welcome and much appreciated relief.

4) It is a surgery, so you probably won't walk out of the hospital weighing less than when you went in, even if you were kept on a liquid/clear food only diet. Normal body response to surgery is to retain and hold on to fluids to help replenish the damaged tissues. (for the record, even though I had a 9 lb baby and was on clear foods for 48+ hours, I actually weigh more than I did at my last prenatal appointment.)

5) Your medications WILL make you sleepy. So that whole "nap when the baby naps" thing is super important here.

6) Feel great about what you CAN do instead of what you aren't able to do at the moment. For instance, today I took the dog outside. We had to go really slow up and down the stairs and it required a lot of patience from both Max and myself, but we did it. I also took a shower! I felt super great after that.

7) It will hurt for a while, even after the staples are removed. I haven't gotten mine out yet (Monday!) but speaking from past experience, that area will still be tender even after the tissues have sewed themselves together again.

8) Check the incision frequently, but don't pick/touch. If it's clean-great! Suit up and leave it alone. If it's weeping/bleeding/crusty, call your doctor. An infection on top of a surgery on top of being a mom to a newborn would be pretty much the shittiest thing ever, so don't risk it. (Add "postpartum depression" to that list, and you're pretty much at rock bottom)

So there you go. If you are wondering how I am doing, each day gets better and easier. Brian is super super helpful. I feel bad being only able to do so much, but he says he worries he isn't doing enough. I laughed (which hurt) because today alone, he did a load of dishes, a load of laundry, took out the trash and the dog (multiple times) fed and held and changed the baby, AND he took a shower and shaved. He also works 8 hours tonight. So... yeah, he's doing plenty. :) He's adjusting to this whole sleep only a few hours at a time thing and getting better at it. I think the caffeine helps him too.

Being a Mom

2012-01-10T13:11:00.002-05:00

Holy shit guys, it happened. No, it really happened. I am a mom now. Sure that might have been obvious when they had to forcibly extract my child from my body.... but it's different now being home without the help of the nurses.

Yesterday was an awful, awful day. Drake would not stop crying. I fed him, I changed his diaper, I rocked him... I did everything I could. All of his basic needs were being met (or so I thought) and I broke down and started sobbing along with him.

My grandma came to the rescue and came over with a much needed fresh pair of hands. Brian was working ALL night, which I didn't know, and it was just a relief to have her come over. Thank you Grandma and God bless grandmothers in general :)

We finally figured out Drake is a Hobbit.

Yes, a Hobbit.

He is a big piggie baby and wants to eat a lot all at once. None of that 2-3 ounces every 2-4 hours bull shit for my kid. No, he wants 4-8 ounces every 2-3 hours. Once we figured out that he is just a very demanding eater, things went great. I got a little nap in, the kid zonked out and Grandma got a whole bunch of pictures and cuddle time with her first great-grandson.

I mean, Drake was up from 10 am to 6:30 pm screaming his fool head off the whole time. We didn't get a break.

My milk still hasn't come in so we are still on formula right now. Thank god the nurse gave us so much because I had no idea that my baby would be exactly like me.

It turns out I was the same way as a baby, I would eat until I puked and then wanted more. Drake doesn't puke, but he certainly demands a feast. Each feeding is a marathon feeding session.

It seems today we caught up on feedings, because he is eating 4 ounces at a time every 4 hours now, and sleeps in between. We already had a little bit of alert/awake time in which I regaled him with tales of fat rabbits eating carrots as tall as trees (improv at its finest). He also has the hiccups a LOT but what else is new? He had them lots during pregnancy so I didn't expect that to change.

It's so much cuter now though, since I can actually hear them.

I now know why women say they miss being pregnant: caring for a baby is HARD work. Not because babies are demanding (well, they are) but because you don't know what the hell they want! All they can do is cry and sometimes they cry for no reason.....

Today is a much better day though. We've been happy and having a lot of fun. Brian's off work today and has a short meeting with a friend for a website commission, but other than that, the happy trio are going to have a great day together.

No one would ever know we had a bad day yesterday from this happy face

The Dragon Born

2012-01-08T18:57:00.001-05:00

Drake's birth story-

Wednesday, January 4th, 6:00 am.We arrive at the hospital for my second induction. I had just scarfed down a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit from Arby's in the parking garage. We get settled into our room and the nurse tells me we will get started on the medication as soon as registration enters me into the hospital computer.

8:30 am: Still no medicine. I'm starting to get annoyed, but they send up breakfast- blueberry pancakes with sausage. This is important, as it turns out to be my last solid food meal for the next 36 or so hours.

9 am rolls around and finally things get started. The nurse informed me that registration had so much trouble because the computer would not accept me as a patient. Apparently it was already entered in the system that I had the baby the other day.My progress is slow and the gel they give me is not softening my cervix.

At 3 pm, my doctor comes in and checks me. He says my cervix is still too hard and high, but I'm dilated to 4 cm, and 60% effaced, so he breaks my water. "One way or another," he says, "we're committed now." I certainly don't remember him asking me or telling me he was going to break my water. He just checked me and asked the nurse for a hook and went to work. PS- Don't listen to their bull shit when they tell you it won't hurt to break your water. It does. It hurts a lot.

Pitocin is started at this time and the contractions are coming hard and fast now that my water is broken. I'm given Nubane (or whatever) for the pain but it's not helping.

At 7, I'm crying and begging for an epidural. The nurse on call is a talkative bitch who keeps telling me it's not that bad. I'm crying during each contraction and cursing the anesthesiologist in between. I try really hard not to yell/scream/get short with Brian, who is looking absolutely terrified at the amount of pain I am in. He tries to comfort me by placing his hand on my stomach, to which I screamed "Don't. Touch. Me!! Just hold my hand." He just held my hand after that.

At 8 pm the anesthesiologist arrives and I am determined to get the epidural in place correctly on the first try. I had a huge contraction during placement and they asked if I wanted to wait. "No!" I choke out and they proceed. It goes in smoothly and he gives me the first dose and it was wonderful. The pain didn't go away instantly but the intensity lessened significantly and my legs started to feel warm and a little heavy. The pain slowly ebbed away over the next 5 minutes and he stayed to make sure that the epi only affected me from the waist down. I was given a catheter and some Ambien and we slept.

Thursday 3 am, my progress was checked and I was fully effaced at the time and I was 6 cm dilated. We stopped pitocin at 11 pm the night before so we were pleased that I was making such great progress on my own! We went back to sleep, trying to get enough rest to prepare for the big moment.

6 am rolls on and I am at 9 dilated. Things are getting exciting. I haven't eaten anything since the day before and have only been able to take small sips of water, in case I need to have a c-section. I have terrible heart burn. I take a Tums and bear it out. My mom and grandma come up.

9 am and I meet my labor and delivery nurse, Jenny. Jenny is a 20-something, no nonsense spunky girl who knows her stuff. She checks me and I am almost a 10. We start practice pushes.

At 9:30, after practicing every contraction, we decide it's time! The nurse has me push once more to engage the baby.... And she has me stop pushing and tells me to hold on, she needs to get the resident dr and the ultrasound machine.

At this point, all hell has broken loose, but I don't know it yet. My mom and grandma are in the lobby waiting, which is next to the nurses station. Jenny is on the phone yelling about needing the ultrasound machine and needing a resident dr. She's going on and on about how the baby is breech and this just turned into an emergency situation. My mom and grandma hear the whole conversation and start freaking out. I have no idea. Jenny comes back in and they check, yep, I'm breech.

She rushes out again and calls my dr, the anesthesiologist, and the nurses all break into action. Brian is tossed some scrubs and told to get dressed immediately. My mom and grandma come in and wish me luck, taking my glasses and jewelry, and I'm carted off to the OR with Brian right behind me.

10 am. Prepped for surgery, shaved, strapped down, hooked up to more monitors and IVs than I can count. A curtain is erected and I can't see anything. I keep my humor throughout the whole thing. I won't go into detail about the surgery, but here's what is important: I'm anemic and have been the whole pregnancy. No one told me. There is a real serious possibility I might hemmorage during the procedure. I don't, but I'm given an extra 4 bags of fluids.

10:38 am- our son is born, feet first! He has huge feet. The nurses tell us this and also "There is no doubt, you have a baby boy!" apparently he's well endowed haha.They cart off Drake and Brian goes out to tell my family the surgery was a success. He calls his family, and I'm stitched up before heading to recovery. It's at this point that I violently vomit all over the anesthesiologist. Nothing but bile. I feel better, though I am shaking violently. I'm moved to recovery where I hemorrhage. I stay there for an hour or so to make sure everything is alright.

If it looks like I am about to faint... it's because I am.

Once out of recovery, I'm moved back to the room and they wheel in Drake and everyone ooh's and ahh's.
I'm no longer shaking, but I feel very very drained and it's hard to keep my eyes open. Thankfully, mercifully, everyone leaves us alone and lets me get some much needed sleep.

New mommy and daddy with the baby

Friday I get 2 units of blood. I feel much better now. I'm checked every two hours on blood pressure and heart rate and temperature, all of which are really high. I'm kept under close observation and given lots of fluids. My whole body is swollen with fluid from losing a lot of blood and no one can find any veins for blood draws. My feet swell way more than they ever did (including my toes). I'm given Percocet for pain.

Drake turns out to be a pig, just like his mama was! He could not concentrate on breast feeding because my milk had not come in and he could not get the colostrum fast enough. After struggling with it for a whole day and everyone becoming frustrated (baby, mom, dad, and nurses) we all decide he needs to eat, so we go for formula. I cry in relief. I have them bring in a breast pump for me to stimulate my breasts anyway.

Family comes to visit every day. We were so thankful to have every one visit. My parents and Brian's parents visited multiple times (new grandparents- they couldn't keep away!) and Brian's aunt Marti comes by as well.

I'm so thankful to the hospital staff. Everyone was great (minus one bitchy talkative nurse) and I received excellent care. I am not upset about being induced breech, because with how big Drake was, there was a high possibility I would have had a c-section anyway. The scariest part was learning (too late) that I was anemic and that I had hemorrhaged and needed a blood transfusion. That's all behind me now though, and I'm taking iron supplements to correct that. All that being said, there wasn't any other way I could think of to have my son. Sure it was one hell of a ride, but he came into this world on his own terms, and made the grandest entrance he could. I think he's a lot like his mama in that regard :)

I'm doing great today and Drake is thriving! He was given a clean bill of health from his pediatrician and all the nurses were sad to see us go. We were something of a favorite around the birthplace. I was always told what a great patient I was, and this charming little guy just had a way with the ladies. Must get it from his father :)

Sorry this is so long winded, but it has been an incredible 5 days and so much has happened!

Update

2012-01-07T10:44:00.001-05:00

Sorry for lack of updates. Here's the quick and dirty version.Drake Alexander Farrar Born 10:38 am via emergency c section on 1/5/2012.Weight 9 lbs 3 ouncesHeight 21.5 inchesPerfectly healthy.I'm doing great, recovering nicely. I'll update with lots of pics soon. I'll also do a birth story post. It's a good one :) I'll be released tomorrow sometime. In the meantime, if you want a sneaky peek of the baby, check out my mom's blog http://www.mandatorybloghere.com

All Packed Up

2012-01-04T12:00:00.000-05:00

And ready to go, again.

I had an interesting Facebook conversation with a friend/instructor/co-worker of mine. It turns out she had a c-section and she said it wasn't that bad and the recovery time was not as long as she feared. She had never had any previous surgeries, either, so I can safely say that it would not be awful for me if I end up going that route either. She did give me loads of advice, just in case. Such as, set timers for your pain meds and get an app for baby feedings/diaper changes- it will be critical to your drug and sleep addled brain.

I'd like to say I am confident going into this this time, but the truth of the matter is, I'm not. I know I'm in good hands and that's all that really matters. I just have to trust. It's such an awkward time... I know in a few months I will laugh at how silly I sound now, how insecure I am about this whole process.

Right now, I am seeing the trees, not the forest. I know in time that this will all just be a part of the experience, so I am trying to focus on that.

I did something odd. I am one of "those". I decided to do my hair and make up before going to the hospital. Not so I look ab-fab for photos, although that is a plus.

I did it because it wastes time and focusing on myself for a little bit distracted me. Also, after I have a baby? I'm not going to even find time to brush my teeth let alone do the whole get up. Don't worry, I'll still find time to brush my teeth, even if I have to set an alarm on my iPad to remind me every day.

It's interesting getting ready to leave for the hospital again. I am grateful that I have an appointment and not just going in when I go into labor naturally (if that ever happens!) because there is a LOT of ice on the ground and I am terrified of falling. Falling + pregnant = bad.

Anyway, by the time you are all reading this, I'll already be there and checked in (hopefully admitted too, they don't officially "admit you" until you hit 4cm) so keep sending us your warm thoughts and prayers. Hopefully the next update will be all about the baby being born.

As always, you can follow us on Twitter (nothing TMI) @christiefarrar and @befarrar we will both be using the #babyfarrar hash tag :)

Thoughts on Tomorrow

2012-01-03T17:04:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow we are going to the hospital again. I still haven't told any one what time just that it is "tomorrow" simply because I want to avoid a lot of the emotional drama that we had last time. I could have not told anyone that we were going again... but still, family does need to know when someone is going to the hospital, just in case. And I have no problem saying that we are trying it again.

I just don't want anyone to tell me that "you should have waited for labor to start naturally" or some other bull shit like that.

It was the one thing that hurt the most, when we were told that. Actually, we weren't even told that to our face, but rather, it was posted online that the "baby will come when he wants to, not because it fits some doctor's time table"

WTF.

I wasn't the one to see it, Brian was. But he told me (days later of course, bless his heart. He had the sense to wait until I was more myself) I'm glad he waited a few days to tell me, because I probably would have went off.

I don't have to justify why my doctor wanted to induce me. If that's how that person feels, fine.

This is why we haven't told anyone what time we are going in. We don't want to deal with the drama again.

It is STRESSFUL to go to the hospital and have nurses thrust their hands up you and give you medicine and the constant monitoring, the lack of progress. It is STRESSFUL. I know I look like I'm having a great time laid up in bed with my feet up and sucking down a milkshake, but that's only because they were injecting me with pain medication to take the edge off and it also helped my anxiety. When it wore off, my heart rate and blood pressure accelerated.

Pitocin gives you hard, painful contractions. Even if you aren't dilating, the contractions are coming. They are frequent, and painful. It's like being in full blown labor, but only at 2 cm. I don't know what full blown labor feels like, but the nurses have told me that is what it feels like. I know that at 2 cm and being on a IV drip for 8 hours SUCKED and they wouldn't give me an epidural until I hit 4 cm- hell, I wasn't even officially "admitted" to the hospital until I could hit 4 cm- but they were able to give me Nuban to take the edge off.

I tried hard not to take it. I really did. I did great for about 2 hours with no pain meds of any kind. And it sucked. I decided then and there that I am going the epidural route. I cried for about 15 minutes, alone, before calling the nurse to give me the shot. I had to be given sleeping meds too, so I could sleep.

I was on Pitocin for 2 days and was also given suppositories to ripen my cervix. I just had to efface all the way and they would have broken my water for me, to really get things going. After 2 days of medication and painful contractions/pelvic exams I was still not effaced. They couldn't reach my bag of waters to break it.

That's why I was sent home.

And now, I get to do it all over again, tomorrow. Fun, fun. Let's hope a few days of rest gave my body the chance to do what it couldn't last time and that things will go sooooo smoothly this time. I hope I get there and they check me and then WHOOOSH my water breaks naturally and weeee I'm in labor! Or, I hope the medication works this time.

I just hope I don't have to go home without a baby again.

Ahhhhh.... the countdown starts. Time for a Xanax and some more Dual Survival. I'm not going to worry about it, because worrying just makes it worse.

Pray for us. We need it. Everyone should chant "We want the baby!" and maybe your good ju ju will be sent my way :)

ramblings

2012-01-02T22:52:00.001-05:00

Winter is finally here. It started snowing yesterday, but was not sticking to the ground. Today, it's an entirely different matter. The roads are slick (according to Brian) and people are driving like idiots (according to Brian.) I have no car and no where to go, so I can't say if he's right or not... but he probably is.

Things are kind of weird around here. First there was a crow calling. Just one. Odd, since it's snowing, but whatever. Then another crow joins in and catches our attention. Then more and more start joining in. It sounds like something straight out of The Birds and I tell Brian not to go outside lest he wants his eyes pecked out. We check out of our blinds, and the tree is filled with crows. Cawing, flapping their wings, and making a racket. My dog is terrified (some guardian he is) and I quickly run from the window shuddering.

It was a scene straight out of The Birds. You know when all the black birds are lined up on the telephone poles and playground? Uh, yeah... Except imagine being nearly eye level with them in the trees. Creeeeeeepy.

Not that I am really one to judge the creepiness factor, I'm terrified of seagulls too. I'll tell you that story another time. It's hilarious to everyone who isn't me.

I woke up with a migraine, something that hasn't happened in ages and no amount of headache medicine/sitting in a dark, quiet room/ ice /heat would get rid of it. It was in the worst place too, right above my left eye. So I was pretty much gimped up in bed all day. I slept a lot and prayed it would go away. It hasn't. It's moved to the right side of my head, and it's a lot duller but it's still there. Sigh. Oh well. It's nothing compared to the pain of being ~~fisted~~ checked by the nursing staff.

I made my "famous" chili this morning at 5:30. I knew it was going to be a cold cold day and putting it in a slow cooker was a perfect solution. Brian loves my chili and always gets excited like a little boy on Christmas when I make it. Since it finally started acting like winter, I figured it was time to start making winter foods.

I'm struggling with the idea of going back to the doctor in a couple of days for another scheduled induction. I am very apprehensive, almost scared by it. The last one failed and certainly wasn't any fun. I did make great progress the first 24 hours, but the second day I barely made any. Since I've been home, I've had very few contractions, but other things have been happening down there. I can only pray that I am finally fully effaced and dilated by the time I go in.

I feel a tremendous amount of pressure to have this baby naturally now, because I am so scared of this next induction failing. Where will that leave us? Well... if it fails, it will probably result in us going home (again) and waiting for it to happen naturally (again) while we put another induction on the schedule (again) or it will end in a c-section. My doctor does three separate inductions before a c-section unless the following criteria are met: 1) I'm over 42 weeks OR 2) Something is wrong with baby/me.

Thank goodness Baby and I are both healthy and we haven't had to go that route but it seems like each passing day I am getting closer to a c section anyway. Thursday will be 41 weeks.... so I really hope that I can pop the kid out sometime this week.

I sort of knew I would have a difficult/more complicated delivery because of how easy my pregnancy was. I am "even Steven" when it comes to things... it all balances out. An extremely easy pregnancy + complicated birth = average. So that is what is happening. Happens to me all the time in every other aspect of life. Roll with it.

When I say "complicated" I don't mean "life threatening". I mean exactly what complicated means... not easy. So I don't think baby and I will have any serious issues going on, I just think that things won't be natural. I have to sort of resign myself to the fact that a c-section is very possible at this point and be faced with the challenges of raising a newborn and recovering from major abdominal surgery.

I'm a tough cookie, so I know I can handle it! :) But the unknown... oh the unknowns. Anyway, I'm off to eat chili and crochet some snowflakes! Bye bye :)

12 in 2012

2012-01-01T21:25:00.003-05:00

I feel loads better today. I came home, slept and woke up for the new year. Went back to sleep, woke up for a few hours, then went back to bed. Finally it is 8 pm and I am in a vertical state once again.

It's been hard work on my body the last couple of days, both physically and mentally. I feel more myself today (my ever-swelling pregnant self) which is great.

I thought of a list of things I wanted to do in 2012.

1. Have a baby! Hahaha okay that one is really a joke.

Seriously...

1. Crochet 20 projects from my crochet calendar. There are over 120 to choose from, but I am going to start with the first one of the year, which is a beautiful doily. It's rated "easy" which means I should be able to knock it out soon. I'm hoping I can bust out 20 projects altogether, but we will see.

2. Project 365. This will probably be the most challenging of all the goals for the year. I want to take a picture every day of my son and have it all compiled into a digital scrapbook (or at least, computer folder). I know a lot of moms find it easy to take and post pics of their kids, but I think the real struggle will be EVERY DAY. I'm not especially fond of taking pictures, but I imagine that will change when I have a beautiful child to look at all day. At least, I hope.

3. Get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. This year isn't a year about hitting my goal weight, it's going to be a year of learning how to be a mom and focusing on that. I'd be happy if at New Year's Eve 2012 I was at 222. Of course, I wouldn't be disappointed if I was less than that ;)

4. Take my family's health more seriously. Not weight related at all, but more along the lines of making sure we have adequate insurances (health, dental, vision, life) and keeping our routine care up to date. This is especially important now.

5. Pay off my car. I owe $2445 on my car and the loan matures in January of 2013. I pay $190 a month for it. I'd really like to pay it off sooner. To pay it off a month early (Dec 2012), I'd have to pay $203 a month, or an extra $13 haha... okay. We can do that.

6. Build a savings. The hardest part of being broke is not having any money to fall back on in case of emergency or life's little Murphys. This will probably be challenging, because who can remember to put 10% of every dollar away when you have a screaming baby in your arms all night long? But we will try.

7. Do a 5k Walk/Run. Whether I walk, run, or crawl, I really want to do and complete a 5k. I wanted to last year and was preparing to do one late in 2011, but life happened and I ended up competing in a marathon instead... a pregnancy. So this year, I'm going to take it easy. Hahahaha.

8. Reach out. Hermit by nature. I really want to learn to reach out to others and connect with them. I've made some great friends on line but I can't really expect my infant son to do the same... I could always plop him in daycare/at a sitter's when he's older but I think it would be beneficial for both of us. I just have a hard time connecting with other moms/women in general as they all seem so fanatical. I think the support would be invaluable and also fun to try... and if it doesn't work, well, at least I tried.

9. Try 2 new types of exercise. Last year, I discovered I liked the elliptical a lot and I could do 14 days straight of 30 Day Shred. This year, I want to try two new types of exercise and see if I can't find something that fits me. I'm going to try 2 new things this year and see if I can't find The One Exercise to Rule Them All.

10. Watch more movies. I'm not a huge movie fan, but now that I've got a kid (hopefully this week!) I know that lots of movies are in my future. Brian loves movies too, and I am always hesitant about them. I'm going to try my hardest to watch more grown up movies and I know I'll have no problem watching kiddie movies :)

11. Once a Month Date Nights. Critical. I should really put this as number 1. But my goal is to have at least one date night a month for the whole year. Something fun where Brian and I can drop the baby off on Friday night at Grandma's and just have a great night to ourselves and pick him up on Saturday. Let's just pray the baby isn't colicky, so I get more than one of these date nights haha :) (Colicky babies... oh the poor parents.)

12. Keep track of blessings. I try and do this now, but I am really going to try and focus on it again this year. There is so much in life to be thankful for and I am going to record it. It's easy to get caught up in the now, but I know that things happen the way they should, and I could not be more thankful for that. Let's keep this theme rolling for the new year as well.

So there you go, some generally specific goals for the new year. I don't know if I will accomplish any or all of them, but it's good to have goals!

Seems like this year, the central theme for me is family. What's yours?

New Year's Eve 2011

2012-01-01T07:19:00.001-05:00

Everyone will be doing posts about what they want their new year to be like, so I figured I'd skip that.

I wanted to reflect on some of the feelings I have had the past 24 hours. Feelings both understandable and ridiculous.

When we came home last night from a failed induction, that was probably the worst feeling of my life. I had no idea that an induced labor would not end in a baby. After all, the name sort of implies that a baby is the end result, not just a possible result. That just goes to show you that things don't always go according to plan.

I am not upset at the doctor or the failed induction. My nearly-48 hour stay in the hospital was very enjoyable for the most part. Every nurse (and I met several of them) were very friendly and so eager to help. They did everything they could to help labor progress.

I went in Thursday night, completely closed and not dilated/effaced at all. I came home last night at 3 cm dilated, but not completely effaced. Which means "thinned out". I found a non-graphic graphic to kind of explain what it means...

Basically, what the doctor and nurses were saying was I am dilating fine, but my cervix isn't getting any thinner at the top, so they can't feel the baby when they check me.

I am making progress- very good progress, according to my doctor. He was really pleased with my progress Thursday-Friday, and then everything sort of slowed down Friday-Saturday. The big event that happened was a partial passing of my plug... that's all I'll say. Google it if you really want to know... but you don't. Trust me.

I continued to have the contractions, some of which were very strong and painful. I went through 2 bags of Pitocin/Oxytocin on drip, 2 bags of just fluids to keep me from getting dehydrated, and I even took a nice spin in a whirlpool.

I was sort of disappointed in the whirlpool. I thought it would be more like a hot tub, but it was more like a regular tub with a space-age door and a faulty drain. Haha.

I was alternated between a clear diet and a regular diet. I was not overly thrilled with the chicken broth diet, but the regular food was pretty good. On either diet, I was allowed ice cream and milkshakes, so Brian kept running out and getting me something tasty haha :)

The experience in the hospital was great, overall. The staff was attentive and knowledgeable and I never once felt uncared for or just another patient. I felt like I pretty much Queen Bee.

When the doctor came in (after 6 hours of waiting for him on a Saturday- the only bad part) he told me that the induction had failed, which happens occasionally. My options were either a) go home for a few days or b) have a c-section.

I wanted to avoid a c-section if it was unnecessary, so we were sent home. We were given a time and a date to return and try again, along with the reassurance that this happens on occasion and that there is nothing wrong- the baby is plenty healthy and has been the whole time. I'm doing great too, no health issues cropped up.

I was fine until I got home. I was pretty sad at the hospital but took a Xanax while I was changing back into my street clothes. I shed a few tears of frustration, but held it together until we got home. I was alright when I saw how clean my apartment was. Kayla cleaned every square inch, bless her heart. She washed our sheets and blankets, made our bed, cleaned all the baby bottle stuff, scrubbed the kitchen and the living room, and the bathroom, and she wrote a note to our son and left it on the fridge.

I was okay when I got home and my brother in law was here and asked how we were doing. I held it together until I saw the baby bassinet in our bedroom. It was the first time I had seen it. It's a beautiful one my grandma bought for us and brought up Friday. Brian brought it home while I was at the hospital and set it up. It's beautiful. And then I lost it. I cried so hard.

So so hard.

I was so upset. I thought we were going to have a baby to bring home. It was disappointing living the hospital again without a child. I felt helpless and useless. That my body couldn't do the one thing it was supposed to do with medical intervention... and tired and frustrated that I had spent so much time at the hospital, that I went through such a stressful time and had nothing really to show for it. Except for a bruise, where the IV was. I know my body isn't useless. I know that I am capable of this, but it is frustrating and exactly how I felt. That I was not able to do the one thing that really mattered.

It feels nice to be home now that I have settled down and gotten the frustration out of my system. I hate how high strung this whole thing has made everyone. Not just me and Brian, but our families as well. If we had known that this would have not resulted in a baby... well, I think we would have prepared everyone a little more for it.

So this time around, yeah we are going back in in a few days. I am not going to say what time we will be there, because who knows at this stage? And now that I am showing lots of progress, there is always the possibility that I could go into labor at any time.

We celebrated New Year's for the last time as a married couple alone. We grabbed a couple of bottles of sparkling juice and we ate a fried chicken dinner. I fell asleep and gave Brian strict orders to wake me before midnight so we could ring in the new year together. He woke me at 11:58 with a glass of juice and when the clock struck 12, we toasted.

"To health, wealth and Baby Farrar."

Back home.

2012-01-01T02:30:00.002-05:00

We were sent home. No baby yet. Apparently my cervix is dilating slowly/backwards. I'm dilating at the bottom of it (opening to the birth canal) but not at the top (where the babys head is) I'm 3ish cm. it looks a bit like a cone, small on top, wide t bottom.Sent home til Wednesday morning.I was ok about being sent home.... Until I got home. Then I had a major melt down. Sleep made it better.We entered 2012 with the hopes of a baby and we will get one.Baby is fine so there was no reason to do a c section. We wait and see what Wednesday brings.

Funny How Life Works

2011-12-29T15:10:00.000-05:00

So in 5 hours, we are headed to the hospital to embark on our latest adventure and newest journey: childbirth. But apparently, life had other plans.

I was commenting how I thought Brian was having panic attacks. He was vomiting and had diarrhea. It's not that uncommon to become physically nauseous when you are overwhelmed... and having a baby is overwhelming.

Turns out, I was wrong (surprise!) I know, I was shocked too. He came home and felt very feverish, so I took his temperature. 99.8. Okay slight fever... no biggie. He slept a bit and I checked his temp every hour, and it got as high as 100.2 but then quickly went back down. Today he's normal. Thank goodness.

He woke up at 6 am and ravenous (a sign of him being normal again....) and we went to Steak n Shake for burgers, fries, and shakes. We decided to leave Max out of his crate, since he has been doing so well lately. I thought, hey, we won't be gone for longer than an hour... no big deal.

We came home and when we walked in the door, we saw it. The destruction. Foam everywhere. From what? Our sofa.

He chewed a big fat hole in the middle of the sofa cushion. The cushion that can't be removed. Siggggh

He knew he did wrong too because as soon as we saw it, he tucked his tail, ducked his head and bolted for his cage. I just locked him up and didn't say a word. Brian tried really hard not to go off... and he managed pretty well. I felt sick to my stomach.

What is wrong with this dog?

So we put all the stuffing back in- we had no choice, otherwise one side of the cushion would be lumpy and the other flat- and we jury rigged a patch with some duct tape and a blanket as a cover. We called an upholstery place (if you live in/near the Ft Wayne area, I'm sure you can guess who we called! They only have the most annoying/pervasive radio ad ever) and got a quote.

$300.

The sofa cost $650 brand new.

We haven't decided whether or not we are going to replace it.

But we know that we are going to be prepared now for kids- they are always sick and destroying your shit!

Anyway, I'll probably be tweeting (nothing tmi) all night and all day until the action happens, so you can follow me at @christiefarrar and Brian's is @befarrar and we will use the hash tag #babyfarrar so you can keep updated if you so choose.

I'm outta here. See ya on the flip side.

Countdown

2011-12-28T20:04:00.001-05:00

We are entering the final 24 hours before I am admitted into the hospital. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't counting the minutes as well as the hours. I am so excited!! It's an interesting feeling...

I'm about to meet a complete stranger that I both know everything and nothing about. It's weird.

I've carried him for 9 months. I've heard his heart beat dozens of times. I've felt every kick and twitch. I've counted many of them. I've even seen his picture in black and white. I've seen his little nose. I've seen that he is, in fact, a boy. I've spent months getting all his little clothes ready. I've packed his things for the hospital.

And now, we are going to meet him this weekend.

My tiny little sea monkey is about to become a real baby. A newborn.

Oh it's so exciting!!

I can't wait to meet him. I wonder...

what will he look like?
whose eyes does he have?
what color hair will he have?
what kind of personality will he have?
will he be a happy baby or a cranky one?
what will he grow up to be?
what will be his passions in life?

I'm not really thinking of how labor and delivery will go... yet. I am trying to keep my mind off of it. I've read up on lots of induced labor stories. Some were terrible experiences and others were great, but one thing was common: all ended with happy moms and happy babies. Another thing too, it seems like 12 hours after pitocin was started is about when the baby was born... so that's not terrible. I can handle that. It's a good average... but I am also preparing mentally that it will be longer than that. I am also trying to keep in mind that there is a chance for a c-section too... but I really don't think that will happen to me.

Never hurts to be prepared!

so I stuffed my iPad full of goodies. I downloaded a bunch of books. Some on crochet and some on babies. I got a bunch of free books from the app store. They are children's books that actually read the story to the child, which I think is so cool! :)

I'm loading the iPad up with music. I'm going for some classical/orchestra music. I like film scores and the like... anything without lyrics. It's easier to concentrate on other things with.

23 hours and 57 minutes to go... and counting!

Save the Date!

2011-12-27T12:49:00.003-05:00

I had my doctor's appointment today. My cervix is still closed and my due date is Thursday. I jokingly said to the doctor "So you'll be inducing me Friday?" being a smart ass and thinking he would tell me to hold off until after the new year.

But my doctor was all like "Yeah, I don't have anything planned that day. Would you like to come in Friday morning at 6 am or Thursday evening at 8 pm?"

Hahahahahaha totally threw me for a loop! I told him I was just kidding and he said we might as well get it over with. I told you he was all laid back and just did whatever. He's kind of crazy, but that's how I like him.

He explained how the procedure would go. I am to get vaginal suppositories to ripen my cervix. I get three of them over the course of 6 hours (1 every two hours) and after that, they will start me on a pitocin drip. This will start the contractions, and the doctor said I would have the baby Friday afternoon.

Soooooo

That doesn't leave a whole lot of time to do everything. We are going in Thursday night at 8 and hopefully will have a baby Friday afternoon/evening. We are very excited and nervous! Like, oh my god, we are having the baby this week. This year! Woohoo!

I feel like we are rushing around a bit and getting some things together last minute... but over all, I feel very prepared. I think Kayla and her husband are going to stay a little bit longer up here so they can meet the baby and hopefully will help us take care of Max too while we are at the hospital. If not, Brian can leave and take care of the dog, and my mom will be there to stay with me.

I can't believe it's finally happening!!

Oh, and of course... it snowed today. :)

Well I have to go finish my laundry and get lunch around. Kayla and her hubster are visiting this afternoon so I need to feed them.

YAY BABY!!!

Celebrations

2011-12-26T02:01:00.001-05:00

We had a great Christmas, spending it with both of our families. We went to Brian's aunt's lake house and they had a great spread of food and drinks. We ate our fill up and just mingled and chatted with everyone there. Everyone's favorite question: "When are you due?" and when we said "4 days!" their jaws hit the floor. It was great. I got so many compliments (smart of them to compliment a pregnant woman haha) and Brian's great aunt told him he should always keep me knocked up, I looked so great! Hahaha she's a riot, that one.

Everyone was so surprised we came at all, considering we were so close to being due. I was not about to sit at home and let Christmas pass by! So of course we went out!

We spent several hours there, taking in food and drinks (Brian drank enough for the two of us, I had water) and cuddling puppies and small children, meeting more of his extended family, it was great. We left around 7 and headed to my uncle's.

My uncle also had a smorgesborde of delicious food, but by the time we were there, I was hungry again! (That's the beauty of being pregnant- you get hungry every few hours) and there we did a gift exchange.

My grandma got my laptop- we had told her we sold it, as we needed the money. (Totally true, by the way, we sold it to my mom, and we did need the money! Hahaha) she was so happy so that was from all of us for her.
My dad we got him a model plane kit. He likes doing model kits and I thought he had enough cars and could use a plane.
I made my mom a little pouch/cozy for her new iPod she got, and it fit perfectly! I used the actual specs from Apple's website to make it. I even sewed on a button. I know! Crafty.
My uncle and his girlfriend got homemade hot chocolate (great in coffee, and they are both coffee drinkers) and homemade Oreo truffles (because who doesn't like candy?)

Brian got two sweaters and he looks great in both of them, and we got a Bluetooth wireless keyboard for the iPad to share (it will probably be mostly his though!)
I got a great cardigan and a pair of booties. They look like mini Uggs and are so ugly they are cute which is exactly my style. I got a crochet-a-day calendar (well almost, it has 112 patterns for a year) and each day is loose individually so you can keep patterns you like easier. It's really neat! I also got some bath and body stuff. Japanese Cherry Blossom body butter (so luscious!) and shower gel (yay I can smell like a girl again!) and a glitter body spray. I'm not big on glitter but I loved the other two things. I put some butter on my hands and they are still soft, hours later. I day dream of rubbing it on my belly.
My uncle gave me my favorite gift of all time- cash! He knows what Momma needs ;)

We had a great time, eating and drinking (again, Brian drank enough for two of us! lol) and I enjoyed spending time with my family. It was such a great day.

The only downside was my feet swelled up so big but it was worth it :) I was happy to get out of the house and spend some time with family and friends and play with puppies and kiddos and eat a thousand different things... what can I say, I like food :) We got home at 11:15 pm to our puppy and have been cuddling him ever since. It's so nice to be home :)

I hope every one else had a nice Christmas as well :)

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T01:43:00.001-05:00

And happy celebrate however you celebrate! Whether you are celebrating Christmas or any other religious holiday, or if your tradition is to dance around half naked with a bottle of vodka and a lampshade on your head, more power to you!

Eat, drink and be merry (but don't be stupid about it, be safe!)

I expect everyone to update their blogs with all the goodies that they got!

Wishing you the best,

XOXO

Christie and Brian

Juuuust Kidding!

2011-12-23T22:43:00.001-05:00

Oh so tonight I started getting contractions. First they were the little ant hill ones that I could barely feel that I have been having for weeks, apparently. Then they started to get a little stronger- I was at least noticing them without thinking too hard about it. Then they started getting even stronger. The tightness was starting to get uncomfortable.

It was really distracting to work, but I kept on going anyway, making sure to time the contractions as they happened. They were very regular. Lasting about a minute, and always 15 minutes apart.

Then, another hopeful sign that labor might be starting. I had to go. Like, go go. Go poo. A lot. Diarrhea is another sign of early labor starting. Things were looking great, despite the fact I was tied to the toilet now and couldn't work. I logged off and said I'd keep every one updated... if things didn't progress in a few hours, I'd go back to work. If they progressed, well, everyone would get an email.

I'm in the bathroom, fielding questions from Brian, Googling labor signs on my iPad, and trying not to throw up- nausea- another sign of early labor. I'm happy that things are continuing. Contractions are slowly going up the scale of "huh, what was that?" to "omg it's been 15 minutes, here comes another one, brace yourself!" not quite painful but not really a great feeling either. I was in limbo.

I started pacing back and forth to get my mind off things and of course, to help them along. I was watching my pedometer go up and up. The contractions still came, but the intensity was ebbing.

Eventually, they just stopped coming all together. That was it, ride over. Every one get out. Thanks for choosing the WTF Coaster.

Brian couldn't believe that they were just gone... he kept asking me, calling me every time he had a chance. "Are you sure??" Ugh. Hopes dashed again. Yes, I am sure.

The shitty part about labor is it can go on for days before things really start progressing. The contractions can come and go, even if they are "real" contractions. I can dilate and efface and then just stop for a bit. No, no it's cool. Yeah, I'll just take a breather for a bit. Oh sure it will freak everyone out, that's half the fun.

I was exhausted at this point, so I took a quick little cat nap, and what do you know? It was time for my next shift to start already, so I'm back at work.

I'd say the key word of this experience is frustrating. Simply because I am tired of all the false alarms. I am tired of my body "prepping" lets just get this show on the road already. Remind me I said that when I'm in hour 897946 of labor and still no baby.... we'll see how well I take it.

News and Other Bits

2011-12-23T14:34:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I officially hit 39 weeks. I didn't have a doctor's appointment, so I decided to hold off on the bump update post until my next one, which is the 27th.

I bought a pedometer for $9! It got average reviews, which is what I was going for. I'm not going to be like crazy power walking woman for a while, I just wanted one that gave me a decent estimation of my waddling.

We were talking to our neighbor downstairs and learned he is moving out next month. :( This is sad, because we really get along with him. We then found out that nearly everyone else in our building is moving out either next week or in the next couple of months. Part of me is thinking "what's that saying about rats and sinking ships?" and part of me is jealous we can't really do the same. Even if we had the money (we don't) we couldn't move because of Brian's transfer. We already live in the closest apartment complex, and we aren't ready financially to rent a house. So here we stay.

6 short days until my due date is here. I wonder if, like the text book pregnancy I have been having, I will go into labor on my due date. Ha. It would be a riot if I did, but I am assuming baby will not be here until he is induced in January and forced out of his happy little home. Time to move out, son! Brian is really sad and frustrated that I have not had the baby for Christmas (although there is still time!) I told him he is just spoiled and he knows if I had any control over when the baby comes, he would be here by now. His response? "Do jumping jacks!" hahaha my ass.

I usually complain about how much I hate Wednesdays, since they are Brian's long night at work. Well, since today is the 23rd, and they are notoriously busy today and tomorrow, they have Brian working 8.5 hours tonight, and 5 hours tomorrow. They close early on Christmas Eve, so that's good. I think Brian is secretly praying I go into labor tonight so he won't have to work so long. I told you he was spoiled!

I finally got sick of waiting to just go into labor at the drop of a hat and taking it "easy". I've been crocheting up a storm and reading all the books I can on crochet. I found a really cool technique that I want to try next, once I finish the afghan. Actually, several cool techniques. In between that, I have been cooking and cleaning.

I hope that everyone has a safe holiday weekend and that you don't get trampled at the store when you go for your last minute gifts and groceries! Be safe on the roads and don't drive like a bunch of idiots trying to make it to Grandma's house on time. Also, make sure that everyone has a glass of wine for me, since I can't have any (still!!!) :P Just one though, I'm a lightweight.

Hyphen-Hyphen-Hyphen

2011-12-21T16:28:00.001-05:00

-I woke up last night because my hand had gone numb. Rings were cutting off circulation and my fingers were swollen. Rings were put in jewelry box. :(

-I woke up with mostly normal looking feet today. Still slightly swollen, but much better today.

-I have 4 of the 24 squares done for the baby blanket, or about 15% complete. I need to do 4 squares a day to get it done before my due date. 3.5 squares still need to be completed today.

-I am almost 39 weeks! That's tomorrow. Holy crap!

-I realized that Max is not "my dog" at all. Or even "our dog". He's completely Brian's. And I'm okay with that. He prefers Brian over me in every situation, including feeding him and also taking him potty. Fine by me :) The only annoying bit is when Brian leaves, he goes in his cage and will stay there ALL DAY, and won't come out for anything. Not even treats. He's seriously bumming.

-I get a lot of emails from YouTube now. So many, I had to create a filter in my email to route them to their own folder so I don't get annoyed with them. I got 15 yesterday and so far, 10 today. Blink blink. My most popular video had 9,300 views yesterday. Today it has 10,300. I honestly don't get it.

-The baby likes Kesha. I don't know what to think about that! But if I want to entertain myself, all I have to do is open up Pandora on my iPad and play Kesha to feel the baby wiggle and dance and kick for hours. Actually, the baby likes LMFAO too.

-I made chicken alfredo with whole wheat pasta and then put full fat cheese in it. Hahaha. It balances out, right?
It's easy, delicious, and all mine! Brian's not a huge fan of it, so that makes me want to make it more often so I don't have to share. Gluttony at its finest, folks. I have enough to last me a few more days.

-I think I have figured out what are "contractions" and what are "baby wigglins" but I know my contractions at this point are still USELESS and UNNECESSARY. They don't even hurt. They just feel... weird. Sort of like how your stomach drops when you go down a steep hill mixed with a hint of hmm I think I have to poo.

-Tonight is Brian's "long night" at work. I say it like that because he ended up working just as late last night. Anyway, he won't be home until about midnight. Thank goodness I work most of the night too or I'd end up going bonkers. Wednesdays suck.

-Tomorrow, no plans! We were supposed to go to the doctor's but since we ended up in there on Monday, the doctor pushed back the next appointment until Tuesday, December 27. It will be a lazy day full of crocheting and other such nonsense.

Challenge?

2011-12-20T18:55:00.002-05:00

Here are a few words that should never be in the same sentence together "challenge" and "pregnancy" but I like to live dangerously haha

There is a blogger I follow, 12 Million Steps, who just reached his goal of walking 12 million steps. When he first started the blog, he had determined it would take him that many steps to lose weight and be healthy. However his life had other things planned for him. He hit the number of steps but did not make it to his goal.

Completely changing his life this time, starting over in nearly every aspect, he has decided to try again and hit the reset button. He's going to walk 12 million steps... again.

I think it will be a fun challenge, especially since he has no deadline in mind. It's not "I will walk 12 million steps by June 2012" or anything like that. I also think I can join in! After all, walking is free, and I may spend many nights walking the floor with the baby, so why not use a step counter and log it in a spreadsheet?

I want to get back to Weight Watchers when the baby is born so this will fall in nicely with the program too. It's not hard to count steps and I probably won't count it as Activity Points, but it will count for something.

I don't have a step counter yet, but I will be sure to get one. I'm planning on starting the challenge tomorrow, because I walk every day to get a little bit of exercise and keep my sanity. Sure it might not be 10,000 steps a day, more like 500-1,000 but it's still something. In the mean time, there is a step counter on my phone, so I'll be using that, even if it is a little inaccurate.

Data is data!!

So, wish me luck. I might be able to complete this challenge by the time the baby has his first birthday, or his second. We will see!!

Another iPad post

2011-12-20T13:56:00.001-05:00

Im on my iPad again so sorry for the lack of my usual structure. Anyway, I am feeling great today. Perhaps it's because I actually slept my normal schedule, or maybe it's because all of the drama of yesterday is over with. I crocheted a total of three squares of my 16 that I need. I can honestly say my mind is at ease now. I think since I have had such an easy pregnancy, the closer to the end I get, the more worried I get about the baby. Insane I know. Last night I had a dream I was standing in front of a very bright light and I could see the baby through my belly and he was fine and perfect and healthy. So obviously, my mind has been telling me it's all okay now and I can just relax. My feet were still swollen and my toes were swollen too. I propped them up with as many pillows as possible and iced them 20 minutes on 20 off for a few hours. They are better today. I'm going to keep them elevated as much as I can.Anyway today is a good day.

An Eventful Day

2011-12-19T20:06:00.001-05:00

Was able to see the doctor today. They were able to squeeze me in at 10:30 am. I had not slept all night, and continued to stay awake. I ended up taking the dog out, feeding him, scrubbing dishes, taking a shower, getting dressed, making coffee, making breakfast (bacon and pancakes, yum) and crocheting another square for my afghan. All within 2 hours. I woke Brian up, he got dressed, fed and filled with caffeine and off we were to the doctor's.

I was having panic attacks. I kept trying to tell myself that it was "all in my head" and I was really fine. Sure it hurt to do anything and the puffiness was spreading up my legs, but I'm sure I'm fine.

We get to the doctor and check in. It doesn't take long for us to be seen. She checks my urine for protein- a symptom of preeclamsia- but I'm clean. She takes my blood pressure and once again, I'm clean. She asks if I have swelling anywhere besides my feet- yes, it's moving up my legs and my vagina is swollen. Is that normal? Hmm. She jots down some notes and I'm shown the exam room.

I'm told there will also be a pop-quiz: a pelvic exam! this counts as my appointment for the week.

I get naked and put on my over sized paper towel and sit on the table. I'm starting to feel stupid. Who goes to the doctor for swollen lady bits and feet? Apparently me. Is there anything he can do about it? I doubt it. Why am I wasting every one's time, especially my own? I could be sleeping.

Again, we don't wait long. (apparently, "squeeze me in" really meant "we have ample time to see you today") The doctor and nurse come in and inspect my feet, legs, and lady bits. He presses and pokes and says "yeah that's normal. You can take some diuretics if it's painful to walk." I feel extremely dumb now.

He grabs the doppler and finds the baby's heart beat. A flicker of concern flashes across his normally impassive face. He checks my cervix. Still closed.

"The baby's heart beat is 110 beats a minute. This is in the low side of normal and it concerns me, especially since he has had such a strong heart beat up until now." The baby usually pushes 160. "I'm going to hook you up to the fetal monitor for a while and see what is going on."

My panic levels are through the roof now. We wait another ten minutes or so until they can prep the monitor and move us to a different room.

I'm hooked up, but suddenly we can't find the baby's heart beat. I can't feel him move. I'm trying to be calm. It takes us ten minutes to find the echo of the heart beat, and probably another 5 to find his actual heart beat. I'm terrified that I am going to be rushed for an emergency c-section at this point.

Finally we find the baby. I'm given a clicker to count his kicks and they also put a contraction monitor on me. I laughed and said I wouldn't need that, I haven't had any contractions. I'm left alone with Brian for 30 minutes while the machine ticks out paper, graphing the heart beat. The heart beat starts out on the low side again (115-120) but by the end of the test, he's pushing out of the high end at 165. I'm trying not to focus on the graph, and just focus on the kicks. I press the button each time. Apparently I'm good at finding the height of his movement.

The nurse came in. "Wow, this looks great!"
The head nurse comes in "Wow, this looks REALLY great! Like, text book perfect."
The doctor comes in. "Everyone keeps saying how great your chart looks, I have to see for myself. Yes, this looks very good indeed."

All three: "Look, you're having contractions. See these little waves?"

Apparently I have been having contractions. What I thought was extra baby wigglings was actually a small contraction. And I get them pretty regularly too. They are "real" contractions, but they just aren't doing anything.

"Unless you go into labor, I'll see you next week. Cancel your appointment for Thursday, we've already done it." the doctor said on his way out.

He's pretty laid back and doesn't really dilly dally much, so it didn't surprise me that he just left the room.

I go back in on the 27th, 2 days before my due date. Weee.

I was able to get a nap in before work. I don't feel quite "rejuvenated" but I feel functional. I feel a lot better that I went in and that there was a reason for my impromptu visit today. I feel silly calling for things that seem like no big deal, but today could have easily been a very big deal. We were half expecting to be sent to the hospital for a c-section.

But all is well, and the baby still hasn't made an appearance (natural, or otherwise) and we keep pluggin' on, thankful that everything is as it should be.

Finished!

2011-12-19T07:46:00.003-05:00

It's 7:30 am right now. I haven't been to sleep. My feet have been swollen and puffy for the last couple of days, but it's gotten WAY worse tonight. It actually hurts to walk. No amount of foot propping, icing, and Excedrin will get it to go down. Considering this could be an indication of a serious pregnancy-related condition, I'm calling my doctor when his office opens... in 30 minutes. Sigh.

But despite being hobbled and having my feet propped up all day, I've finally finished my BIL's scarf! Yay! It turned out GREAT and he loved it! He said it was his new favorite scarf. I told him when anyone compliments him on it, tell them I made it. And when they ask if I will make them one too... tell them NO. He got a kick out of that.

Here it is, all done!

I also wanted to make something simple and quick for me, because I have yet to crochet anything for myself. Isn't that interesting? EVERY project I have completed has been for someone else. I have never made anything just for me. I whipped up a quick little headband to keep my bangs out of my face.

And because I am killing some time, I decided to start on the baby blanket. Well, really, it is an afghan. It's the circles to squares one I showed you all yesterday.

Of course, I am doing it in baby colors so, here is the first square completed (it took about 20 minutes)

The pattern itself is pretty simple. Single, half double, and double crochet. The hardest part is counting the stitches to make sure I have the correct number! I have to make 16 of those squares total, then 5 of the bigger ones, and then 3 of the largest squares. So far, I've only got the one, and I need to make 15 more of them the exact same size. For reference, it's a 5.5" square. Lots of measuring and counting.

I'm going to go take a shower to waste a bit of time until I can call the doctor. I'm hoping he will get me in today. I can't ignore the swelling feet any longer. It could be a sudden on-set of preeclampsia. If it's not, and I am just paranoid- good! Better safe than sorry at this point.

84 Percent

2011-12-18T21:10:00.004-05:00

84 percent. That's how far I am along in my scarf. I'm almost done. Just 16 more rows, then a border and maybe fringe. And we are done! I am thinking of what my next project could be.

There are a few things I am contemplating. Whether or not I should attempt an afghan, a baby blanket, maybe a doily or two. I really want to do something in the round, and that would work for all of the above projects. Brian also suggested I could make a bag for my iPad. I think if I did that, I'd want it to be in wool, so I could felt it.

I've got yellow, blue, and pale green yarn and a lot of it. That would be perfect for the baby blanket. I also have a whole thing of cotton thread for doilies.

There is also a technique called "interlocking crochet" where one side of a project has one pattern and the other side has a different pattern. It looks like it would be a lot of fun and challenging to figure out. I have lots of spare yarn just for attempting silly things like that too.

I want to use my yarn stash instead of buying new yarn. I'm pretty poor right now, so I couldn't afford new yarn even if I didn't have any to work with. I guess it will be a baby blanket then.

I wonder, should I do motifs? Granny squares? circles to squares? here are my ideas.

For the motif, I'd crochet a bunch of these together in alternating colors, then stitch together to make a blanket.

Or I could go another route, or rather shape, and do this one

Each hexagon would be a different color, and then they would all be sewn together to form a blanket.

Then there is the classic granny square.

Or I could do something like this

This one is done with the same principle as the others, ie make a lot of squares then sew together, but it does bigger pieces and smaller pieces to give it a sort of asymmetrical look about it. Also it has such fun geometrical shapes! Going from circles to squares!

Any of these would be easy to do, you just whip up a bunch of them in different colors and then slap them all down and stitch them together. I think it would be a lot of fun to try the hexagon one for a unique look. The quatrefoil looks fun too. Actually, they all look fun. I have several hundred yards of each color, so I don't think yarn will be the limiting factor. The limiting factor appears to be me making a decision!

*All images are from Lion Brand's website.

Anyway, I'm going to get some more crocheting done. I want to try and finish it up tonight! I work a lot so in between shifts it's a great way to decompress. I'll be sure to upload the finished project tomorrow and tell you which one I picked. In the mean time though, why don't you tell me which one you think would look neat?

Mrs Popularity

2011-12-17T20:55:00.003-05:00

I've been uploading the occasional video to YouTube on my Let's Play the Sims series. I never thought any one would give a shit about it. After all, who wants to watch someone else play a game?

But whatever, I did it (mostly because Brian said I would be good at it) and what do you know? The first episode alone has over 8,300 views. What. The. Hell?

Okay.

Cool. I uploaded a few more episodes (I've done 12 so far) and while none of the others have that many views, I get subscription and comment emails daily. Daily!! I woke up from my all day ~~coma~~ nap to discover I had 12 emails waiting for me from YouTube.

Just now, I got another two comments. My first troll in fact. Wee trolls.

I guess I am popular now, someone has gone out of their way to flame me.

It makes me laugh. I was told "stop swearing you bitch ass cunt!" and "cheaters never prosper, cunt!" Kudos to them for using punctuation. I haven't cheated in the series at all, I mentioned that I was doing this legitimately for the series because when I play on my own, I tend to use the in-game cheats to give my sims lots of money so they don't have to go to work and I can buy them fancy shit.

As for my cussing, well, if you don't like it, don't watch. :) There are plenty of G-rated you tubers out there.
But the best part of it is, I can delete those comments. I love the internet.

PS If you want to ~~come troll me~~ watch my videos, you can do so here

http://www.youtube.com/user/HeTookMyLastName?feature=mhee

What the heck?

2011-12-17T17:50:00.002-05:00

On Mythbusters, they often have what they call a "What the hell are we doing?" moment. This is the moment when whatever ridiculous thing they are about to do sets in and they step back and reflect "Oh, this is my life."

I just had one of those.

My gramma, who is really tech savvy, sent me a text message.

"I lost the pattern for the baby blanket, can you look it up for me?"

Sure no problem, gramma. I hop on the computer, find the pattern she was using (because I knew what pattern she was using, weird or what?) and then told her I found it.

"Send it to me on my phone."

I just spent the last 5 minutes copying the instructions word for word into a SMS message to send to my grandma so she could finish my son's baby blanket. What the hell are we doing?

Living in the 21st century!

I can't help but laugh and shake my head. It's amazing what we use technology for. Sure I could have emailed it to her or even printed her off a copy.... but she wanted it on her phone. Which I think is really neat.

Go, Gramma, go!

Week 38: Update

2011-12-15T02:04:00.001-05:00

HOLY CRAP I OFFICIALLY HAVE 14 DAYS TIL I AM DUE

No apologies here for the caps, I am that freakin' excited. I really hope the baby comes SOONER rather than later... but whatever!!! I have a deadline in sight.

The doctor's appointment was pretty standard. I had the urine check, the blood pressure check, the weigh in. All good. I actually went down 2 lbs from my last weigh in, which is completely normal at this stage in the game.

I had wondered if I would lose weight, as I noticed I have a lot more limited space in my stomach. As of now, total weight gain for the baby is 33 lbs- completely average!

Then came the pelvic exam. I was so eager to see if I had made any progress.

....

Except I didn't. I didn't even stay at 1 cm dilated. I'm back to 0.

Fully closed. The Labor Express is not stopping at the Cervix Station. Closed for renovations.

I am a little sad. More than a little. I almost cried in the doctor's office as I was getting dressed. But you know, every pregnancy is different and just because I appear to be going backwards instead of forwards, that doesn't mean that it can't all change in a few hours from now or tomorrow. That's the most frustrating part of being pregnant. Even for me, as I am not a control freak, it is very hard to accept that things aren't going the way I had wanted them to. I can only imagine the anguish it would cause someone who was very type A lol :)

Brian and I were making predictions on when the baby would actually make an appearance. He said December 31st, at 11:30 pm. I say January 3rd- result of an induction. But really, it's all up in the air. Like I said he could decide to come now, tomorrow, or next week. There is just no telling with this baby. I do know that he is healthy, he is active, and I am thankful for that. All I can do is my best to relax and focus on other things. Like laundry and finishing up that scarf, napping and cuddling with my pooch. Spending lazy days like this with my husband. Playing Words With Friends and Family Feud on the iPad. Making more videos on YouTube haha.

I haven't taken the bump picture yet. I'm very tired at the moment. The weather is really doing a number on me and it's been a long day, considering I didn't fall asleep until nearly 8 and was up at noon.

Time for a nap!

The Scarf v 2.0

2011-12-14T22:31:00.000-05:00

Remind me why I agreed to making my brother in law a scarf? Oh yeah, because I can't say no.

Also I'm sure part of it was because how much he gushed he loved Brian's scarf and as you know, flattery gets you everywhere!

The first attempt was just that... an attempt. It was going okay until I sat back and looked at it. The constant yarn changes made it look like it had tassels on one side and I think because of that, I forgot the first rule in crocheting: count your stitches.

Every row seemed to have more and more stitches. Finally, I noticed that my scarf was getting wider and wider.... but since I had been cutting and knotting the yarn every 2 rows, there was no way I could rip it out and start over easily.

It will make a nice washcloth. Lol.

I know there were three things I did wrong with it before.

1) I forgot to count my stitches. This means EVERY row. It's not the first row that is the issue, it's the row that is somewhere in the middle. I started with 32 stitches at the bottom. At the top? I ended up with 41. That means somewhere along the lines, I added 9 additional stitches, causing it to get wider at the top.

2) I didn't use stitch markers for the specialty stitches. This isn't really required for every crocheter. Just the ones like me who have trouble visualizing where things go. This one sort of goes hand in hand with the counting stitches; it's to make sure I am not adding any additional stitches, special or not. It's a little hard to see, but you can tell the pattern isn't straight down in a line.

3) I made it too complicated. The color changes are something I am not so good at, so of course I was clumsy and over-thinking the solution. The color change happens every two rows and only on the left hand side (right hand side if you are a righty). I was cutting the yarn and weaving in ends every 5 minutes. I was clumsy and butterfingers trying to hold on to the cut yarn and the new yarn at the same time.

My only option at this point was to start completely over. I couldn't even unravel the yarn, so it's pretty much wasted. Bummer-rama. No point in crying over spilled milk, so I got started on the second attempt. Version 2.0 I have been calling it.

Here's how I am fixing my mistakes:

1.) I read the pattern and counted out 19 completed stitches per row. So each row, as I crochet, I count the completed stitches. When I make it to the end of the row, I count the stitches again. If there is any number other than 19, the row gets ripped out and started over again until there is 19 stitches. Usually, I end up skipping a stitch or putting 2 stitches in one hole.

2.) I got out my fancy stitch markers and I counted out how many stitches down the row it took to get to the first specialty stitch. Then I placed a marker for each one. Each time I complete the specialty row, I move the markers up. It doesn't matter that I know what stitch they are on, it helps me look at a glance that I am keeping everything in line. Which is essential for a pattern.

3.) To keep my yarn changes as simple as possible, I went on YouTube and various crocheting resources and looked up how to "carry" yarn. Carrying yarn is where you don't cut it off after you've used it, that way it keeps the number of loose ends to a minimum. I am leaving both balls of yarn attached and switching every two rows. It takes a little bit of practice and looks a bit odd... but it's so much easier.

The pattern is a lot easier to see and also straight!

I also decided that I should probably know how wide my scarf is and how long I plan on making it. I measured its width and came up with 6 inches. The length is about 17 inches. I have 17 stripes, or 34 rows. It takes me approximately 5 minutes to do 2 rows. Each 2 rows equals about an inch.

Since this sort of falls into the category of "skinny" scarf, it also has to be a little long. Brian's brother gets annoyed when his scarves are too long. He claims he ends up tucking them under his armpit haha! So Brian will be my test subject...once again. Poor Brian. I think it needs to be about 4 feet long, or 48 inches. Most scarves are anywhere from 60-72 inches in length. It should take me an additional 3 hours to get the required length. Give or take.

I think I found my hobby. I find myself reading and browsing patterns all the time. I love looking at crochet books and trying new techniques. I like Googling resources to figure out my crochet conundrums. I really enjoy all aspects of it. I'm even reading a murder mystery series about crochet. I don't even really like murder mysteries. Yet, I can so relate to the main character. About not feeling like I've got the hang of crochet, but I don't really care because I am so addicted to it. That I have waaaay to much yarn for as little projects as I have completed. The feeling of immense self satisfaction at finishing ANYTHING.

Anyway, I only took a break from crocheting so I could remember to upload the pictures I had taken and get this blog published. Now it's time for a quick bite to eat and back to the grindstone. I really want to get this completed before I have the baby. Hurry hurry...

Er, Okay?

2011-12-14T12:17:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, someone knocked on the apartment door. I was in the bedroom, in the back of the apartment. I waddled to the door to see who it was.... but they were gone. Today, Brian got an email from the apartment office saying that "maintenance has placed your request to fix the dish washing machine on hold due to the following reason: unable to enter unit." WTF.

They knocked one time. And not a knock knock knock! but a Knock. Just one. And then they were gone.

Secondly, "not able to enter unit" my ass. The maintenance guys all have keys to the apartments. I know this because they have come in several times with our door locked before to fix things. So... wtf.

Did they just not want to fix our dishwasher or something? I told Brian to call and complain (because when a man complains, things get fixed faster) but so far, he's decided to hold off on it.

Our next door neighbors moved out so maintenance is all up in our building getting it ready for the next potential tenants. This includes a lot of hammering....which I can hear and it wakes me up. Bahhhhh fine. That's alright. I'm not sure what needs so much hammering (it goes on for hours!) but that's not the problem.

The problem is the toxic smell wafting in the hall way and permeating our apartment. Whatever they are using to clean the apartment is pretty... strong. Let's go with strong. I don't know if there is mold in that apartment or what, but if I can smell it inside my apartment, I really don't want to be in their apartment!

Combine weird chemical smell with our downstairs neighbor's love for cooking. I think he is making some sort of pork roast or something. On its own it would smell delicious (like all his dishes) but with the weird chemical aroma it makes it seem like some sort of science experiment about to go horribly wrong.

Ah, apartment life.

I'm glad I don't have to fix the dishwasher. And if they don't want to fix it, fine. I don't care. I don't mind that they are doing so much work on the building or the unit either. It means that they actually give a shit about the condition of the building when they work and scrub and freaking hammer for 6 hours straight.

I'm still not sure what that guy is hammering. Here's what it appears is happening in the apartment next door.

Guy #1: I'm just going to beat this hammer against random walls.

Guy #2: Good idea, meanwhile, I'll mix ammonia and bleach!

Guy 1: Yeah that should prove we are working hard.

Guy 2: Hmm what are all the fumes for?!?!

Guy 1: I can't hear you over my hammering.

Guy 2: No worries, it's cool.

Oh... interesting. This just in! Brian just got an email from the apartment. Our request to have our dishwasher fixed ...was completed! Hurray! Wait, what? Oh... Hmm. Apparently- they called my number twice and left me 2 voicemails. I neither have missed calls nor voice mails. Hahahah

I don't want it fixed. Just go away.

Bass Ackwards

2011-12-13T22:45:00.000-05:00

My sleeping pattern is so ass backwards it is now bass ackwards. I did not fall asleep until noon today- NOON- and I was in bed by 4 am. I just couldn't sleep.

I feel like I am all mixed up. My night is day and my day is night. The positives? I don't really care that I am sleeping all day and up all night. Perfect for baby.... right??

Also I seem to be really productive when insomnia hits. I read 2 entire books. One was a crochet murder mystery (I know, geeky!) and the other was a book on vintage crochet. Sigh, it was so beautiful looking at all the old patterns from the 1920's-50's. And all the ugly colors haha

Feeling inspired, I crocheted. I'm making amazing progress on my brother in law's scarf and I am actually excited to show it off but I will have to find my camera first and also my measuring tape.

I used the baby kick counter in my pregnancy app. The baby is healthy and active enough if it kicks 10 times in 2 hours (source) but apparently my kid is an overachiever, because he kicked 10 times in just under 3 minutes. So yay!

I typically work evening hours anyway so it's not a big deal if I sleep from noon to 7 or 8 at night when my shift actually starts. I know, be jealous.

I'm experiencing a fun, new pregnancy pain! My lower back twinges. With sharp shooting, oh my god did someone just knife me?! kind of pain.

So I just ice it and lay in bed anyway. Meh.

Oh, and I drool now. No joke. It just uhm sort of happens. Especially during sleep. I wake up because I nearly drown in my own soggy pillow. I guess it's pretty common, though its more common in the first trimester and not the last 3 weeks.... but every pregnancy is different. Your results may vary.

My breasts and nipples are very ....temperature sensitive now. That's as nice as I can say it. Let's just say I get really cranky when it's cold. Because it hurts. I'm considering walking around with those hand warmer packs in my bra. I wish I were kidding.

Haven't had any more contractions. Water hasn't broken. Got 15 days (?!?!????!!!@$%) left until my due date. Golly gee willickers, that was a fast year. HOLY CRAP Christmas is in 11 days?!?!

*dies*

I guess it doesn't really feel like the holiday season because ~~I am more focused on the arrival of my baby~~ it hasn't even snowed yet! We had a little patchy cover then it just... went away. Awesome. Please don't be a blizzard when I give birth or come home from the hospital with my newborn. Because that would require more Xanax than I think I am allowed to take.

I'm a little loopy. So I am going to force my husband to let me wander around the grocery store aimlessly at 2 am because I am going stir crazy. Also I want a milk shake. Mmm.

Never Mind

2011-12-12T10:53:00.000-05:00

Well I was supposed to go to the doctor's today, but at 9 am, I got a call from the office saying that the doctor had to go and perform an emergency c-section so my appointment was canceled. I rescheduled it for the normal day and time- Thursday at 1:30 pm.

I don't have a week 37 doctor's appointment but that's alright. I'm back to my normal schedule of Thursdays and that will bring me to week 38. Which includes a pelvic. Weeee.

Anyway, I hope the emergency c-section went alright for both mom and baby and that everyone came out of that one okay. It's a scary thing to face the knife, and I am sure it's terrifying to have to face it quite suddenly and unexpectedly.

It reminds me how lucky I am to have such a normal pregnancy with no complications. I am really thankful I wasn't the one under the knife today. I know I complain about being pregnant a lot, but this really hits it home how grateful I am that I am only sore tired and cranky. My baby is perfectly healthy and so am I. I really can't ask for any thing more than that.

I feel a lot better today- almost back to normal. I made Brian his favorite dinner in the whole world last night! I made chicken parmesan. I've never shallow fried anything before, so it was a fun and exciting experience to try it out. I breaded up some chicken thighs and shallow fried them in the skillet for about 4 minutes per side, then I spooned some spaghetti sauce and cheese over them and put them under the broiler for 3 minutes- again, I've never used the broiler (with any success!) so I was pleasantly surprised when the whole meal turned out great!

He brought home some garlic bread with cheese too! Yum!

As I was cooking, I was thinking of how spoiled my kid is going to be. Sure not every day is going to be chicken parm, and there will be hot dogs with mac & cheese days, but one of my favorite memories growing up is my mom cooking a big meal for us to enjoy. I can't wait to carry on that tradition.

I'm totally in the mood for fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and biscuits.

I think the baby wants it too, now he's kicking up a storm! :) It's healthy if you don't drink soda with your meal right? As long as you drink water with your meals? Hahahaha... ok, maybe not. But I can dream right? And then ask Brian politely if we can hit up the KFC later for lunch :) Won't be as good as my mom's but I am sure that it is easier :)

Maintenance is supposed to be coming by sometime today and taking a look at our dishwasher. Brian called them Friday and they said they would get to us today. So far, nothing. Meh. I tried going back to sleep but I'm all wound up now and can't seem to relax. Also it doesn't help that Brian doesn't want to come back to bed so I don't have anyone to cuddle :( Even the dog isn't tired. Hahaha.

Stress, Party of Two

2011-12-11T20:15:00.001-05:00

Okay, it's no secret that Brian and I are really disappointed we haven't had the baby yet. This has led to stress on both of our parts. We are stuck playing the "waiting game". Patience isn't my strong suit. I've checked out mentally and emotionally for a few days now. I'm either up all night or in a coma, somehow trying to cope with this ....ineffectively, it seems.

Brian on the other hand, is freaking out that I will go into labor while he is at work and he won't make it home in time for me to have the baby and we will have it at home or in the car or something. Because that is something he can't control (short of taking time off work until the baby is born) he has decided to set his sights and his stress on something else:

Our financial state.

As if that makes everything better. It doesn't. Sigh. So, I will humor him and walk him through everything. See, he was doing great, being involved and he was fine. Then he drops out of the loop again (not my fault, I keep trying to get him engaged in it) and then he freaks out because suddenly he doesn't know anything. Uhm. How is this helping? If he's removed from the situation completely, he has panic attacks and then we end up in the ER and ... well... never mind.

He's home from work in an hour and now I am going through our debt list, our budget spreadsheet, and our online accounts to make sure everything is up to date in our data spreadsheet so I can show him how things are going. Hopefully that will give him a little peace of mind. I'm actually not stressed about our financial state. Sure it sucks! but everyone's does. So. No worries!

And hopefully, it will give me the mental stimulation I need to be engaged again in daily activities. It almost feels like I am suffering from depression. A Xanax and maybe a little change of scenery will help me out a bit. It doesn't help him any when I am like this. He has no idea what to do. (the answer is simple: crush up my happy pills and make a smoothie out of them! Preferably chocolate or peanut butter.)

Part of me knows the reason he is freaking out like this is because it's just how men handle becoming fathers. They worry if they can provide. It's hard wired into them. Part of me also realizes that when I am not my best self, he really stresses out and wonders if it's his fault some how. It isn't. And I know I am acting out of character because I keep getting asked if I am alright. I'm okay. But just okay.

Maybe I will do something nice for Brian to let him know that even though I am not quite myself this past week, I still appreciate everything he does for me. Sometimes words aren't enough and even though I tell him all the time how great and wonderful he is, he may think I am just doing lip service right now. Hmm... what to do? Oh, great idea! thanks, brain. I knew you would come up with something good.

to Brian

"Bring home garlic bread. Don't eat. I'm making you dinner. I promise you will love it."

Weeee time to get in the kitchen. See ya!

The Walking Dead

2011-12-11T03:11:00.001-05:00

Ye Gods am I tired.

I must be in training for being a mom or something.

That's the only explanation I can come up with. I am all out of whack with my sleeping pattern. Some days I sleep all day and can't seem to stay awake. Other days I can't seem to sleep. Rinse, repeat, reuse and recycle.

Bah. I'm considering taking a sleeping pill on the days I can't sleep just so I can get back on a semi normal schedule. Did you know most days I stay up until 8 am? that's insane... even for this night owl. I don't know if it's a secret fear or paranoia of going into labor while I'm sleeping that is keeping me up, or if I just got my schedule out of whack.

Today was really hard to stay awake all day. I tried so so hard that way I would fall asleep at a more reasonable hour of 4 am (quite normal for us) instead of at 8 am like I did today. I was up at noon. I know... I am a freak of nature, lol can't help it though.

The day before though I could hardly get out of bed. I actually slept most of the day away, and only got up twice to go to the bathroom. I didn't even eat until it was after dark.

This can't go on. I need a normal schedule. I don't have any sleeping pills here. I just have NyQuil, which I can't take. I will have to run out and get some I guess. I won't have any trouble sleeping tonight. I am on the verge of falling asleep at the drop of a hat. I am day dreaming about sleep.

Get used to no sleep... I know.

I totally understand.

I feel functional. I can do basic things, like breathe, eat, and remember to wipe the drool off of my face. But I am lacking in performance, definitely.

Do you know how many typos I've had already? Thank God for Google Chrome and its spellchecker :)

I am looking forward to my pillow tonight. Do you think it's considered cheating if I talk dirty to it? Oh pillow, I love the way you caress my face, you know just how to make me feel at peace... and your friend, jersey sheets, ooh the two of you conform to every curve of my body.

lol now I am just getting silly.

Sorry. Nighty nightie night night.

Weee!

2011-12-10T12:28:00.001-05:00

Today is my mom's birthday! Hurray!

I love December because it is always a whirlwind of family events. First there is my mom's birthday. Then, just 2 short weeks later, it's Christmas. Then it's my dad's birthday/New Year's.

This year, the holidays are going to get a little tighter and a little more jam packed because somewhere in the midst of all of that? Our baby will be born! So that will make each year more fun and challenging (how the hell am I supposed to buy gifts for that many people??) I love the Christmas season and absolutely enjoy all the crazy get togethers and the insane amount of time and energy spent with relatives and on food and presents. It's great.

I have no idea what's the haps today, other than the fact that we are visiting them for a little birthday fun.

~*~

In other, wonderful news! I finished Brian's ~~fugly~~ lovely scarf! It took me nearly two months to complete, but it's done! Wooo!! He looks so handsome, doesn't he? Thrilled to be wearing it, right? See the pained look of "I'm doing this for you" in his eyes?

Yeah me too... but wouldn't you know it! Once he actually wore it outside and noticed how warm he was with it, suddenly it's the best scarf in the WORLD! (It is wool, for crying out loud!)

The only problem? His brother wants one too. Uhm. Wait, what? He wants a scarf. For Christmas. Which is in TWO WEEKS. I told him no. I'm not making him a scarf. No no no no no. No.

....In completely unrelated news, I am working on a new scarf. This time it's in his brother's favorite colors because I ~~can't say no~~ struck a compromise. No popcorn stitch, pattern of my choosing, as long as it has two colors, black and purple.

I chose a relatively simple pattern using double crochet and triple crochet, so it works up quickly. I started it last night (after I ran to the store at 4 am to get purple yarn!) and I am already a good 4 or 5 inches into it and have only been working on it an hour. This should totally be done by Christmas! Actually, I was given permission to take longer than Christmas as long as it was "still winter" when I gave it to him. It's Indiana so it will still be winter in June. :P

Seriously though, provided I don't have the baby uhm today, it should be done before Christmas.

Well I've wasted enough time blabbing about things that only I seem to think are amusing (isn't that always the case with my blog?) so I will finish getting ready to head to Meemaw's house for some fun and festivities weeee! (Meemaw is my mom's pet name for "grandma" because it sounds... cool, right? Right. Riiiiiight.)

Dropped.

2011-12-09T19:23:00.001-05:00

Yes it's totally noticeable that the baby has dropped. My profile looks different now! Also... I waddle.

But just because I've dropped doesn't mean I am going into labor any time soon. Could be anywhere from oh say now to four weeks from now. Welcome to the waiting game folks.

My belly feels different now. I feel... flatter. Flabbier. In fact, I can pinch skin I haven't been able to pinch for the last 4 months. So I am battling a sort of distorted mentality. "God, I just look fat now! Not pregnant!" but that is quickly stopped, as I tell myself to shut up, I am still obviously pregnant.

I can breathe easier. I feel more stable, on the contrary to what other moms to be feel. I have a shitty sense of balance any way, so the lower the belly is the better. It keeps my center of gravity low. I can get up and down easier (again, thanks to the lower center of gravity) and I don't need to sleep with my pregnancy wedge! I can even *roll over.* Uh, yeah. I'm thrilled about that one.

On the other hand, it's much more uncomfortable to sit and walk. It feels like the baby is really wedged between my pelvis (uh, isn't that what it is?)

I've been reading up on the last chapter of pregnancy in What to Expect When You're Expecting because, well, it's time! The only thing left to load up still is my iPad!

Brian is getting very anxious... he's almost getting to the point of annoyance and frustration. It's interesting to see him acting this way because he is normally so laid back and doesn't get annoyed by much. I think he is really eager to meet his child. He came home from work today, dropped to his knees, and kissed my belly, telling the baby he was home for the day. I laughed and laughed... it's funny and cute and a little awkward (uhm, hello to you too?) then he started talking into my belly button in case it made the baby hear him better.

...what?

....okay.

It's sweet, if a little odd.

Monday is the official appointment day. I hope that I get an exam, but I don't know if I will or not. I wasn't scheduled for one this week, but since I ended up in the hospital and dilating... well I might get checked just in case.

Twenty days to go. Hopefully less than that. I'm not really much for the duck waddle I've got going on. And my freezer isn't going to stay stocked for 20 days!

Week 37: Bump Update

2011-12-08T04:56:00.001-05:00

I'm considered full term today!

The little baby under the text is actually a movable 3D image and plays a fetal heartbeat.

And I think the baby was pretty damned determined to let me know that because from 2 am to 5 am, I had strong, regular, INTENSE contractions. Not quite "fall to your knees screaming WHY GOD WHY" painful (as everyone has told me they will get) but intense enough I couldn't walk while I was having one. I had to do a lot of breathing and it really helped that Brian made me laugh so much.... even though it hurt like hell to laugh in the middle of a contraction. I started to get nauseous whenever I was having one (a common feeling, thanks, Google!) I was just about to go to the hospital at 5 am... when all of a sudden, the contractions stopped! and I didn't have another one all day. I was pretty paranoid to fall asleep, and didn't end up closing my eyes until 8 am. I got up at noon.

I had a hair and nail appointment today. Brian's cousin, who was doing our hair, was joking around with me that she didn't know what she would do if my water broke while I was there. I told her she'd finish my hair ;)

I also think the baby is sitting a little lower this week. Suddenly, it's easier to get in and out of bed, I can breathe a little deeper/easier, and I constantly feel a little more pressure on my hips/pelvis. What do you guys think? Brian said I don't look as big as I did last week:

Last week- 36 weeks

This week- 37 weeks

I definitely feel bigger than I was last week! Hahaha... I guess every week I am a little more pregnant :)

No doctor's notes today- I didn't have an appointment because he was out of office. That will come Monday. I will probably be ~~violated~~ checked for any more progress, since I will be 37 weeks and 4 days, one full week after the visit to the hospital.

(L and) D-Day is fast approaching.... any time between oh... NOW and 21 days from now! When I logged into Baby Center this morning to read my weekly update, the first thing it said was

Welcome to the waiting game.

Yeah, no joke. Thanks for that.

The dog is terrified of me. He won't even look at me. It's as if he knows... something... is very...very... different... about this woman. Lol cracks me up that he runs from me every time I enter a room. He sees me and you can just see it in his eyes " OH GOD ITS THAT WOMAN AGAIN RUN AWAAAAAAY"

...Do you think he knows? Hahahah. I chase him around too! Max come baaaaack! It's my new favorite past time.

Good News!

2011-12-07T23:34:00.001-05:00

As you might remember, Brian put in for a transfer to the new store opening up. Well we got some good news on that front: He got in.

Also some extra information-

First, the new store is what they call a "DELCO" which means its a delivery and carry out store only- no dining in option.

Secondly, he is one of 2 full time drivers.

Third, the new store took over the delivery area of one store completely, and parts of two other stores. The delivery area is huge!

The store will be opening up sometime in January! We are really excited because it means he will be closer to home, he will not have to use as much gas, and he will probably make a LOT more in tips, considering the store is going to be mostly delivery with a huge delivery area. This is so exciting!

Could you believe that we almost weren't considering this? I'm so glad he told me how he really felt and that he really wanted the transfer. It's nice also that his manager is giving him preference to hours and location, because he knows that we are about to have the baby. I am not worried about Brian being home less. If it ends up that I need a little extra help at home, he can easily rearrange his schedule.

It's so funny how we tried to plan things out. We were wanting to move up north so badly this next year because we would be closer to my family and have more help with the baby... but we get an opportunity like this and we just seize it. We are definitely learning to deal with "come what may" because there really is no sense in planning it out... it just gets confusing and frustrating. All we can do is our best and take opportunities as they present themselves. Which seems to be working out very well for us so far.

After all, we weren't planning on becoming a family this year. We weren't planning on staying here another year at least either... but I am so glad that our plans fell through!

Bed Rest and Broomsticks

2011-12-07T15:11:00.001-05:00

Day 2 of bed rest for me. Despite how naturally lazy I am, this is getting very boring and tedious. The only thing that helps is having an iPad to play games on and browse the net. As well as blog. As you will notice the iPad formats my blog a little differently. Plus my belly is so big I can balance the device on it and type lol! Right now it's about 3 pm which is the baby's active time so he is kicking me and the iPad is dancing on my stomach.Incredibly cute. Brian got a kick out of it. Why is it the second we are not allowed to do something it's all we want to do? I want to walk around. Every time I do that though I get contractions. Not really strong ones but uncomfortable enough to be noticed. At the store for an hour yesterday and had two. yesterday I had a little cramping as well.ugh but tomorrow he is considered full term. No doctor appointment til Monday though. Lots of inquiries from family and friends but I promise you all you will know when the time comes.Like I keep anything secret hahaha there are other indications that change is coming nothing to signal the on set of labor though. No water breaking. Able to talk through the few contractions I have. Baby hasn't dropped. But changes are there. I have a little bit of "show" which is nice medical talk for an irritated cervix. Its irritated because it's changing. I'm irritated by change as well so I understand lol my tummy hips lower back and breasts are all super tender. It's an interesting sensation but not one I care for.Tonight is Brian's long night a work and I've been pretty much forbidden to do anything unsupervised. I actually had to shower WITH the door open today. Lol. He really wants me to have the baby but at the same time he's determined that I heed orders and stay.in.bed!!! LolTime for the first coma of the day.

Preparations: Stocked Up

2011-12-07T00:07:00.001-05:00

We went to the store tonight. I had one goal in mind: stock up! Stock up on everything that I will need to feed my husband and myself for a while.

This week, my store seemed to heed my prayers because EVERYTHING frozen was on sale. A lot of what wasn't frozen was still on sale and at a stupid retarded low low price of ....

$0.99

Yes.

No 10/$10 mix and match nonsense.

Just a shit ton of items on sale for $0.99

I love that they put the weekly circular on the website. I love that you can create a shopping list online. I love that you can print it off, and it will GIVE YOU THE PRICE so there is no reason you should go over... unless you buy shit that's not on your list, then of course you will go over.

It doesn't take into account tax, but if you are buying all/mostly food/essentials then there isn't any tax.

Anyway. I saw that this week frozen breakfasts in particular were on sale. So was everything Stouffer's (that included Lean Cuisine as well).

Here's what I loaded up on:

Frozen juice from concentrate (.99)
Aunt Jemima frozen breakfasts (.99) - I got pancakes with sausage links
Homestyle frozen waffles ($3.50) this was a huge 24 count box.
Cereal
Milk
Cheese
Stouffer's french bread pizzas (5/$10)
Hot pockets (5/$10)
Tyson crispy chicken strips
Tyson grilled chicken strips
Lifesavers hard candies + Dum Dum lollipops (for the hospital)
Granola bars (for Brian at the hospital)
Lunch meat
English muffins
Marie Callendar's frozen entrees for Brian.

We spent $68 and saved $20 just by buying things that were on sale. Our weekly budget is about $75 so we did really good!

Our freezer is jam packed full of goodies. I still need to tackle the pantry next. I've got enough frozen meatballs + spaghetti noodles + sauce to make 4 batches. I also want to pick up some more mac and cheese, Alfredo sauce, soups, instant potatoes, instant rice, frozen chicken breasts, canned tuna, bread, and frozen veggies. Basically I want to get all the items I need for quick meals such as spaghetti, chicken alfredo, chicken salad, tuna salad, tuna noodle casserole, baked chicken. I also need to stock up on some toilet paper and dog food.

I might use Amazon for the toilet paper and dog food. They have a subscribe and save feature where you can buy items and have them shipped every x amount of days to your house for free. If it's baby items, I save 30% (on diapers, wipes, etc) if it's anything else, it's 15% at least.

Imagine never having to run out for toilet paper or dog food or laundry detergent. How cool. Have I mentioned I love the internet yet? Yay for internet!

Reality Check

2011-12-06T17:51:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I was so filled with First World Problem Drama. I was complaining that I had to go to the hospital to check out my PRE TERM LABOR to make sure that the baby was safe.

I was complaining that I was in observation for a few hours to make sure that both me and the baby were safe and that, if I did end up going into active labor, it wouldn't cause the baby too much stress.

Drake's heartbeat is the strongest it's ever been. And incredibly steady. I have a very healthy, active baby. I am a very low risk pregnancy. Well, a little higher now that I have been deemed at risk for preterm labor... but in 2 short days that label will disappear. Drake will be considered full term on Thursday.

Sometimes its really hard to see the forest for the trees, and yesterday was no exception. Here I was, scared, nervous and excited that our little twosome was about to grow to three.... and nothing. Nothing happened. No progression. Sent home and told to "take it easy."

What does that even mean?

As I lay in bed in the early hours of the morning today, listening to the dog and Brian snore in concert, I realized I was selfish. Selfish for being upset that I didn't get to have a baby yesterday. Sure, real emotions and real emotions that I felt. But when I think about how lucky I am... well then I feel a little guilty. I mean, 200 years ago, women didn't have a whole lot of medical help when it came to birthing babies. Men weren't allowed to be in the room, except for the doctor. Women often died in childbirth.

I'm very lucky.

That being said, I can still be a little miffed about my circumstances. I'm not letting them get to me any more though. I am doing my best to make sure that Drake gets all the extra time he needs, if he so chooses he needs extra time.

Taking it easy... haha. I am a very sedentary person by nature so that makes me laugh that I am told to take it easy. How much easier could I possibly take it? I'm practically home bound! I guess the next step is bed rest... so that's what I've been doing today.

Laying in bed. Only getting up long enough to feed myself and to go to the bathroom. Otherwise, most of my day has been spent laying in bed sleeping, or playing on the iPad.

I've had ONE contraction since coming home. It was really faint though- about half the strength I was getting them. It came 700 minutes after the last one lol (over 11 hours). Early labor is one of those tricky things- it can last for a few hours or a few days. It can start up, stop, and then start up again a few days later. Talk about being the ultimate "waiting game". The baby has been dancing up a storm though. Wiggling about doing somersaults.

It was a humbling day too, Brian having to tell everyone at his work that we didn't have the baby; me telling friends and family the same thing.

But soon! Soon we will have that awesome phone call and that little baby in our arms. Patience never was one of my strengths. Alright, I've been vertical long enough today, back to bed.

Better

2011-12-06T02:01:00.001-05:00

I'm feeling a little better now. It was a really draining day emotionally, but I am so glad it's over and done with.

I'm still not happy that I had to spend the day in the hospital, but I am thankful that my doctor was wise enough to wait and see if I progressed or not.

One of the nurses wanted to give me pills to stop my contractions. Another nurse was encouraging me to help stimulate labor. My doctor apparently just became a new dad this week, which explains why he was out of the office this week and why it took so long to get through to him.

One cool thing about the hospital was the fetal heart rate monitor. How neat is technology that we can just slap a band on the belly to track the baby's movements and heart rate? I kept getting praises from the nurses. What a healthy and active baby you have! Wow he's a mover and a shaker!

I was wondering if I would end up getting a pelvic exam at my next appointment, since I will be 37 weeks and 4 days along. I think my question was answered today though, when I went in and was 1 cm dilated.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be checked now.

It's okay to feel sad about being in early labor and not progressing. If I had made any changes I would have been induced and in for a very long few days at the hospital. At least now I can run around and have a little fun, getting my nails done on Thursday and a hair cut.

Provided I don't go into active labor between now and then.

I am still in code yellow. I can go at ANY TIME. Now, tomorrow, or 23 days from now. I am prepared as much as I can be, now I just have to prepare mentally.

Weeeee babies!

Any cool iPad/iPhone apps that are free? I want to load up on them.

Bummed

2011-12-05T19:17:00.001-05:00

Started having contractions early this morning. They were coming 45 minutes apart and lasting about a minute to a minute and a half each.

I started timing them mostly to try out the contraction timer on my iPad app... but then I noticed the pattern. I finally fell asleep at 7 am this morning. Woke up at 10:30 to another contraction, lasting about a minute and a half. The next one came at noon- 90 minutes apart. Then we went to lunch and I had cheese fries and a milk shake. I had two more contractions and finally called the dr.

I fully expected the "call us when they are 5 minutes apart" lecture

Instead I got the "come to L&D and we will check you out" lecture.

I get there and I am attached to all the monitors, in the beautiful gown, and a nurse is practically fisting me to check my cervix. I was dilated to 1 cm.

The doctor was going to do one of two things. Either he was going to keep me for observation or he was going to give me some pills to stop the contractions.

One call to the doctor and a 20 minute wait later, I was told that I was to stay for observation for 3 hours to see if there was any change in dilation. The doctor said because I was 36 weeks and 4 days I could go either way. If there was change in dilation, I would be induced. If there wasn't any, then I would go home.

3 and a half hours later... there was no change.

I was sent home.

But I got ice cream while I waited.

So that was cool.

Still I am a little bummed.

Dr's orders are to take it easy and "not to press the issue" but keep tracking the contractions and if they get to the point where I can't talk through them to head back to L&D.

Brian said on the way home that it didn't feel right to leave the hospital without a baby and he was really upset that our carseat was going to be empty.

It started snowing on the way home.

A huge part of me is sad. A little heart broken. A little angry and frustrated that I had to wait 4 hours to be told to go home.... but another part of me is excited. I'm getting close. I'm glad that I am aware of what's going on. Every one keeps saying that its more time for the baby to grow and be healthy... which is cool.

The nurse told me that I was in early labor. And probably a little longer than I should be

Out of Steam

2011-12-04T22:05:00.001-05:00

Well, I'm officially out of the nesting phase. I am back to my regular self again. Avoiding chores like the plague.

This Thursday was supposed to be my Week 37 check up but my doctor isn't in that day, and I guess they were all booked up Friday, because now my appointment will be Monday, December 12th at 9:30 in the morning. Greeeeeeat. I will be 37 weeks and 4 days. Does that mean I'd have to go back in for the 15th? Two appointments in one week? Or now will I be late perpetually? Will I be given my pelvic at 37.5 weeks and then just skip the 38th week and wait until 39? Can I please just go into labor now so I don't have to think about it?

Since I don't have a doctors appointment on the 8th, I am going to get my hair cut instead. I want my layers evened out and a few inches cut off. I think I'll get a mani/pedi too. Sounds like a good idea to me! I'll have Brian call his aunt's salon for me tomorrow to make an appointment for at least one of those things.

I'm trying to cope with the false labor. I keep panicking. Is this a real contraction? No. Okay. Well... alright then. Is this a real one? Hmmm... No. okay. The baby hasn't dropped. I have passed any plugs or had my water break, and my contractions are sporadic at best. Not that any of that means anything; the baby doesn't always drop before labor begins, the plug and water don't always break, and the false contractions could be real contractions, just a little lame. It does all add up to one thing though:

I'm stuck being pregnant for now.

The baby moves so much it is hard to focus on anything else. He presses down against me and it suddenly feels like I have to pee now! I think I spend more time in the bathroom than anything else these days. I crave lots of water. My feet are so swollen they are actually round. I drink so much water that I expect it to start oozing out of my feet. I crave sweets all the time. I can't decide if I want cookies, brownies, or milkshakes. Or a combo of all three. So far, Brian's not given in to my ~~demands~~ whims. I think a cookie dough, brownie bite, peppermint shake sounds delicious. He looks at me like I've grown a second head.

Which I have. In my belly. So give me milkshakes now please. No such luck. Sigh.

Back to crocheting. Something to get my mind off of the nothing that is happening.

Decisions

2011-12-04T12:48:00.001-05:00

A new store is opening up just down the road from us. Brian's store manager was offered the position to take over the new store and he asked Brian if he wanted to transfer over.

Brian's going to take the transfer. It will mean that we won't be able to move... but the more we think about it, the more we want to stay. Maybe not in this apartment complex forever... Fort Wayne feels like home now.

The new store comes with a host of benefits. Shorter commute. Closer to home. Large delivery area. Primarily to businesses. Seems people are always more generous with company cash than they are with their own ;) The residential area is a little ritzy too. There's an apartment complex in the area that the rents are about double what we pay here.

There's no guarantee that we will find a house to live in come March when our lease is up here. We aren't moving to another apartment. I'd rather stay here until I could afford a down payment for a mortgage. Brian feels the same. We like the management here and our neighbors don't bother us. The only reasons we really wanted a house was so we could have a yard for the dog, and a little extra cash to help pay down our debt. But if we use our tax return to pay off my car, we will be able to free up an extra $230 a month. ($190 for the car payment, and my insurance would be cut in half!)

I can't really see a downside other than not being able to move. Is it really a downside? hmm...

Anyway, Brian's got to work today and is going to put in for his transfer. It will be an exciting new chapter. There is always the option to transfer back or to another store, should we decide to go ahead and move anyway. So really... is there any risk? Mmm... a little. But that's half the fun :)

Progress

2011-12-03T23:53:00.001-05:00

Remember how I wanted to get that scarf done for Brian? I started joking to my friends and family that I was working on one for him for winter.... next year because it was taking so long. Stupid popcorn stitch.

The hard part isn't the popcorns. It's working the back side, which is straight single crochet. Except for a while there I was dropping stitches. Each row is supposed to have 23 single crochet, so the front can have 7 popcorn with 2 single crochet in between each popcorn. A lot of ripping out and starting over. A lot of undone rows and curses to the heavens.

But I am finally making progress. I finally got it in my head to count the freakin' stitches and what do you know? It starts turning out like it's supposed to.

This isn't a "mindless" pattern. It's not something I can watch a movie while doing and end up looking great or even. It's one I really have to focus on. For that reason it is both a great pattern and a terrible pattern for me. Great because it's actually challenging to keep focused. Terrible because it's actually challenging to keep focused.

It's so long now that it's getting heavy to hold up as I work on it. It takes up over half of my desk as I work on it. My skein of yarn is getting squishy as the yarn is pulled out and its starting to collapse in on itself. I'd say I'm about 70% done with the scarf. About 40% of my second skein of yarn is gone. I may get it done in time for the baby to be born. I'm really booking it. I worked on it for 4 hours yesterday and another 2 so far today.

I also took some pictures. Because I needed to update my project page on Ravelry.

The pictures were hard to take... my belly kept getting in the way lol! But I am so happy to be getting this done with. I didn't have any trouble changing yarns like I usually do. I even got the ends to weave in unnoticed so I must be getting better.

Plus the yarn feels so soft. It's only part wool, but it feels just like it. So comfy. I think I found my new favorite yarn. Good thing it comes in like 40 thousand colors.

Next update will be the finished result. Hopefully which will be this week. I am going to try and get it done before Monday, as I have most of Sunday off.

Hospital Bag Edition

2011-12-02T20:19:00.001-05:00

Here's what I got for me and Brian-

* Travel sized toothbrush and tooth paste.

* Trial deodorants. Brian got my favorite- the Axe Dark Temptations (smells like chocolate). Maybe he thinks I won't want to kill him in the delivery room if he smells like chocolate.

* ~~Shampoo~~ Conditioner because I can't read. (I picked some shampoo up the next day)

* For me, Maxi pads. These are staying at home. Unfortunately, a huge necessity. And a pain in the ass to find. Did you know that I couldn't find these maximum absorption ones to save my life? All the brands they had on the shelf were for "light flow days" like wtf. But I found these stuffed in the back of a shelf with some dust on them. I will give them purpose.

* Heating pad. Although I'm not really sure I will need one, but it never hurts to be prepared.
* Lansinoh lanolin cream. This bad boy was $10 for less than 1.5 ounce tube... but you really do not need much at all. And it totally helps! A small pea sized amount is all I need and I only need it once a day. I went from cracked, bleeding, sore breasts to just sore in about 3 days.
* A night gown. It's a size 2x from Wal-Mart- but it fits me perfectly and with the baby bump it actually hits about mid-calf. It's perfect. Big, loose sleeves. Zipper from top to bottom. POCKETS. I'm a little bummed about a 2x but I'm not going to get hung up on it. In fact, I want another in blue. This one is pink.

Here's what I got for the baby-

* A going home outfit, complete with matching hat.

* A heavy receiving blanket to wrap him up in on the way home
* The baby book. I already filled out some of it- like the "How Mommy and Daddy felt when they found out" and "What Mommy and Daddy got at the baby shower"
* Baby booties from the baby shower cake. I can't wait to write his name, date, weight and length on them. I am so excited!

I love the little extra padded knee area. Brian said its to clean our floors. Hahaha

Airplane! Vroom!

He's already a pro.

It's not a bi plane... its a butt plane! hahaha

Aww the hat

Yes a matching blanket too! Yay!!

Just look at how cute this baby outfit is! It makes me squeal and go AWWWWWWWWWWW every single time I see it. It's a 0-3 Months so I can't wait to put the little bugger in it! :>)

Is there anything else I need to pack? Besides clothes for me and Brian?

Ps That rocking chair is soooo comfortable. I sit in it for like an hour each day just because I can!

Spent

2011-12-02T12:36:00.001-05:00

My knee hurts worse than when I wrenched it at Zumba. It must be because I am carrying an extra 35 pounds on it and am pregnant.

Or the fact that when you're pregnant everything is amplified pain wise. Today's agenda: Alternating heat and ice therapy and a shit ton of Excedrin.

I woke up every half hour last night because I kept having the most realistic dreams my water broke. I mean, they were freaky! Probably because I couldn't ever properly fall asleep, it was so vivid. Of course I was wearing my same pajamas I actually wore to bed- I hadn't forgotten what they looked like yet, since I was still half-awake.

I remember the bed being wet. My thighs wet.... water running down my calves. I remember getting up to go to the bathroom to towel off and a little gush of water coming out. I remember waking up Brian and telling him we needed to get the hospital bag around and he was freaking out, simultaneously excited that the baby was coming and worried about missing work. Hahaha. I kept saying over and over "the baby will be here in 24 hours!" because after your water breaks, they deliver the baby within 24 hours, since it no longer has the protection of the amniotic fluid.

Fyi.

So glad it was all a dream. Or the same dream, several times over again. I'm still packing the hospital bag today.

My Kindle sold for $65 in an hour. I'd like to think it's partly my witty ad writing and partly because I tweeted it/blogged it. Or maybe some crack head was up at 3 am on eBay waiting for some nutcase like me to post a Kindle for $65. Either way, I'm so happy it sold and I shipped it out first thing today.

I'm finally past the half way mark with Brian's scarf. I should get a pic update for you all. It's really a pain in the ass. I promise- if you come across any patterns that tell you to popcorn stitch- just pass it up. Even if it's an "easy" stitch, doing it over and over again is a bitch in and of itself. I finally started the second ball of yarn a few days ago and have done 6 rows so far. It's now long enough to touch end to end around your neck, almost like a cowl. So progress is being made. He thinks it looks awesome and promised me its his most favorite scarf ever, even if I hate it by the time it's done with. Things I wish I had done differently: Pick a different pattern or use a bigger hook. Oh well, live and learn.

I'm kicking it up old school today-

Breakfast was a bowl of Marshmallow Mateys (generic Lucky Charms but with waaaay more marshmallows)

Lunch was a turkey sandwich with American cheese and mayo on WHITE bread with a handful of Lay's chips and an ice-cold Dr Pepper.

I'm thinking dinner will be enchiladas! My favorite, and Brian's too. I'm pretty sure I'm going to put all the chicken in the crock pot and crank it up with some onion and green bell pepper, a little sauce and just let it become fall apart in your mouth delicious so I don't have to shred the chicken by hand. Then I can just plop it in the tortilla with some cheese and roll, baby, roll.

So that's my game plan for the day. Crochet and ice/heat my knee, pack for the hospital, and make dinner for Brian. Oh, and work a little too. Hurray! Productive.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

2011-12-02T00:48:00.001-05:00

So Brian put up the tree. I'd like to say I helped. I did a little, I fanned out the fake branches. I couldn't do anything more than that though, because I couldn't get up off the floor and by the time I did, I wrenched my knee and hurt my baby bump :( I was put on "supervisor duty" from the couch.

A job I did to the best of my ability, I assure you.

Actually I just watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and took a few pics!

Aww

See the angel on top? It's my very own ugly angel. My mom grew up pretty poor and one year when she was little, my grandma bought her a $1 angel tree topper. My mom thought she was the most beautiful angel in the world, and it's been on every Christmas tree since. It's a huge tradition in my family. I love that ugly, mangled little angel so much. My mom bought me my very own to start our own ugly angel tradition. The craftsmanship may not be the best... a 4th grader could do better, I'm sure... but I love it all the same. It's my very own. And she will adorn my tree every year.

Putting the Christmas tree up is my favorite part of Christmas. Aside from being showered with gifts, that is :) I'm really looking forward to adding a new ornament this year: one with the baby's name and birth date on it. But considering he's due(ish) on the 29th... he could very easily be born in 2012, so that is why I haven't taken the opportunity to get one.

Brian and I also have a great gift idea for our parents and grandparents... but again, it depends on when the baby is actually born. Either way, they will get this special gift and we will have a lot of fun with it!

Also- Know anyone who wants a Kindle? I'm selling mine on eBay since I have a fancy schmancy iPad. You can check it out uhm here http://bit.ly/suMC0x :) Thanks a lot!

Week 36: Bump Update

2011-12-01T12:17:00.001-05:00

Guess what today is? that's right, Thursday- aka Dr Appt Day. I'm officially 36 weeks today. To the day. Approximately 14-28 days left to go. (Dr said I could go at any time)

The Stats:

Weight: 257 (+3) I was upset about this until I remembered... I had 4 thanksgiving meals this year. So a plus 3 is not that bad.
BP: 120/78! Yay- I'm officially out of the low normal and just normal normal. Yay normal!
HR: 140 bpm- my kid is nothing if not consistent. I'm hoping that he is a very consistent newborn. Hahahah I must be high or something. Babies aren't consistent.

I love using my Sprout app for the iPad! The 3D never ceases to amaze me and I love all the weird nuggets of information.

My group B strep swap came back negative which means no antibiotics for me! I totally forgot about it, but I'm glad I didn't have it. I guess it's pretty common- as many as 30% of women are carriers. Being a carrier isn't a bad thing, though.

I'm doing alright this week. Aside from a few emotional breakdowns and hyperventilating because the hour at hand is drawing closer (I actually had a pretty severe panic attack last night, I couldn't breath. My throat closed up). It's hard to put your head between your knees when your baby bump's in the way. But a little Xanax and I was good as gold. My belly button has also been hurting. Like it's getting constantly stung or poked with a needle. It kept waking me up all night long last night.

Drake doesn't kick so much as slide which feels really weird. I guess he's skating around inside of my uterus now. It's... bizarre. I don't know how to describe it. But its better than getting jabbed in the ribs or in the kidneys so I'll not complain :)

Brian's doing alright too- he had a panic attack about the baby coming. He's not scared he's just anxious with all the waiting. He would prefer to know exactly when the baby's going to come. Bless his heart. I guess he'll be panicking for the next 28 days then, because babies have their own schedule. One that moms and dads have relatively little say so in.

Someone actually asked me today when I was due! How nice! I haven't had a random stranger ask me that yet. Mostly it's neighbors and friends- people who already know I'm knocked up. I told her around Christmas and she had a daughter born on the 26th. I asked her how long her labor was (8 hours! it was quick!) Brian thought that sounded awfully long... so I asked her if it was her first? Nope, it was her third! Her first was 49 hours. I laughed and told Brian that 8 hours seems short comparatively. He isn't looking forward to that lol.

The Bump:

I look huge! In the belly I mean. Like, where did Christie go? Oh she's hidden behind that baby bump! I asked Brian how that happened

Him: It's all my fault (how well trained is he!)
Me: No it takes two to tango it's my fault too
Me: although I don't remember ever tangoing.
Him: I remember a lot more than tango!

I've got a wide stance going on... don't worry, I don't use it in public restrooms.

Hobbit

2011-11-29T13:41:00.001-05:00

aka Bottomless Pit Syndrome.

It's what I've been afflicted with lately, apparently. For the last 48 hours, it seems like I can never get full. I don't really eat a whole lot at one time any more, but it seems like I am constantly grazing.

I'm just rollin' with it. I like eating and I went grocery shopping last night, so I was able to get some goodies.

Did you know Weight Watcher meals were on sale this week at my store? Neither did I until I went. 5 for $10 ($2 each- save 0.75 each) and if you buy 10, you get $4 off at the register instantly. Okay, so that's 10 for $20, minus $4 = 10 for $16 or $1.60 each??? I bought 10.

I'm down to 6 already. I ate 2 packages of the brownie desserts (so 4 desserts total) and 2 packages of the French toast and sausage links. Yum, yum.

4 chocolate desserts lasted about 12 hours in the house. It's a new record... that's the longest anything chocolate has ever lasted in the house.

I also got a pound of sliced turkey for sandwiches. I love sandwiches.

I've put together a grocery list for "life with baby". Next week, I am spending a little bit extra at the grocery store to stock up on necessities for the baby. And if the baby doesn't come early, well, I'm going to devote part of my budget each week to groceries to keep it stocked.

Today the weather is nasty- it's been raining for about 3 days straight and now we are in the middle of a winter storm warning until 1 am. It's a mix of rain and snow, so right now it's sleeting. Fun. Did I mention Brian is working in this shit today? Bitches better tip him well, that's all I have to say.

It's the perfect day to cuddle up under the blankets with a huge (I mean huge) mug of hot chocolate and just play on the iPad hehe

Nursery Update

2011-11-28T16:31:00.001-05:00

Here I took some pics on my fancy iPad 2 and uploaded them for you guys to see. Our nursery is completely done now.

No, we actually can't fit anything else on that changing table.

Crib is all decked out.

The bench seat lifts up, the bench is hollow and perfect for storage.

Gliding rocker, nursing pillow all ready to go.

We have 500 diapers and lots and lots of wipes. The crib will be emptied of all the stuffed animals and blankies when the baby comes. I was even told by a few people they thought I should remove the bumpers as well because the baby might get stuck in them... so what is the point of bedding? Might as well swaddle the baby up and lay them on the floor with all of the warnings and what not.

The only thing we don't have right now is a night light. That's next on my list. Of course we also don't have a play yard but I am not worried about that... I don't think we need one just yet. We also don't have any baby monitors either... uhm.. because we live in an apartment. And the crib is up against the wall that we share with our bedroom. So I thought, again, that was unnecessary. (Plus, you all secretly know that when I start freaking out about the baby being in a different room, Brian will end up moving the crib into the bedroom anyway.)

Brian's mom was upset we weren't painting the walls/decorating. We are moving in 4 months. I don't want to have to paint the walls back when we are trying to move, with a 3 month old in tow. That sounds like WAY too much effort. Plus, as Brian pointed out, the baby isn't going to remember his room was white. Meh. I'm worn out from decorating. I was going to do Winnie the Pooh style borders on the walls and such, but we decided to wait.

I'm so glad that it's done with and we can start focusing on packing for the hospital. I have the cutest! going home outfit and receiving blanket for the baby already to go. I will make that an entirely different post, because I ~~could gush about it for hours~~ want to do a hospital bag post.

I'm so glad it's Monday. The last day I worked was last Tuesday, so it's nice being back to work and getting on with the week. I'm completely worn out from this holiday weekend and happy to start normal life again. Or, what is my new normal. Hard to believe in just 3-5 weeks my normal will change once again!

Complete

2011-11-27T15:19:00.001-05:00

Finally! Everything is complete! We managed to finish rearranging all the furniture in the house, including the nursery. I haven't taken pics yet because there is still cleaning and organizing left to do, but I am very happy with it overall. Not a very long blog today, I'm writing this on my iPad with the google app and it's not quite compatible with it. It refuses to keep line breaks so all you get is one huge. Paragraph. Meh better than nothing though. Hope you are all doing well!

My Thanksgiving Weekend

2011-11-25T01:48:00.001-05:00

We had Thanksgiving dinner at my uncle's house, which was delicious, then we had a get-together at the bowling alley/restaurant my brother in law works at. He volunteered a 12 hour shift on Thanksgiving so he could have Christmas Eve off.

We hung out and bowled. Well, they did. I hung out and drank blue slushies all night. His mom kept trying to get me to "eat something" despite the fact we had just come from a gorge fest with my family.

Tonight is their Thanksgiving and they still don't know what time they are having dinner. Sigh. We won't be able to go anyway, because Brian works 5-8:30 pm tonight, but we are still going over after he gets off work and changes.

Then Brian is headed out with his brothers for a night of drinking and general goofing around. It's his last hurrah before fatherhood. I was reassured by my brothers in law that I would indeed have my husband home again, and Brian promised me he wouldn't "get too stupid" lol. I told him to call me if he needs a ride home. I'll not be going. I'm going to be home with the dog and getting started on the next phase of nesting.

Which reminds me... Brian's nesting too. He has decided he wanted to take my "re-arrange the nursery" and raise the stakes to "re-arrange the whole apartment". I'll admit, I jumped all over the idea once it was suggested now he is stuck doing it all. Ha, because I can't help.

I've been doing the things I can help with, which is pointing and saying "No put it over here. You're right, it looked better over there!" and doing laundry/dishes/cooking. Womanly duties lol.

So far we got the bedroom done. We moved the bed against a different wall, the one that is shared with the nursery. The crib is going to be on that wall too, but on the nursery side. Then we have 2 computer desks & chairs taking up one wall and the dog's crate taking up the other one. We also have a full walk in closet and bathroom off the last wall. There's a lot of stuff in this one room, but it doesn't feel crowded. It's easily the biggest room in the apartment.

Next up is the living room. I guess we aren't doing the nursery yet (wtf!) because his brothers are coming over later today- maybe - so he wants to make sure the living room is done. Fine by me, I wanted to put the Christmas tree up this weekend. You know why? Because it's after Thanksgiving! Duh! Now is when it is seasonally-appropriate to put up the tree. Not after Halloween. Not before Thanksgiving.

After all of that... then we finally get to do the nursery. Hey, he's the one re-arranging and moving all of our heavy, awkward furniture, so he can do it in any order he wants.

Saturday we are back over to visiting my parents. Sunday he's working. We definitely have a busy, productive holiday weekend. Two get-togethers with each family. Cleaning and re-arranging the apartment from top to bottom. I may need another vacation from my vacation.

Week 35: Bump Update

2011-11-23T11:46:00.001-05:00

Technically, I'm 34 weeks 6 days, but my check up ~~is today~~ was yesterday instead of ~~tomorrow~~ today, what with it being Thanksgiving and all. WTF Thanksgiving is ~~tomorrow~~ today? Holy shit. 36 35 days left until my EDD (estimated due date)

This appointment... was not one I was looking forward to. When am I looking forward to any of them? I was especially cranky and moody today, so a Xanax helped calm me down.

Weight: 254 (+1, +32 total)
Blood pressure: Good! Finally their automatic machine works on me. I guess I just have to be in a state of panic for it to work.
Baby HR: Again, good. He was being a little stinker today and not being cooperative, but we heard the echo. I told the nurse I was pretty sure he was still in there... somewhere. Which made her laugh.

The swab went quickly, so that's all that I can ask for. He checked my cervix too, to see if there was any dilation or effacement. There's not! So I'm good. (Secretly, I was panicking that I would be dilated) The doctor told me I have anywhere from 3-5 weeks left, so I am going to prepare for 3 weeks and then be pleasantly surprised when I have an additional 2 :) I asked about my pains and yep, Braxton-Hicks. They told me I would know real labor when it hit me, because I would probably be almost knocked off my feet, and nothing I can do will stop real labor (walking, changing positions, etc). They noticed I had some "puffiness" in my feet, and I told them yeah, but I wasn't overly worried about it. I don't hurt like I used to, just my bad ankle gets a little cranky. Mostly taking Tylenol helps.

Now I'm back in every Thursday until showtime. I won't get a pelvic exam again until week 38. But after that, it's weekly. Then, he told me when I'm in labor, someone will come and check me every HOUR until it's time to go. I'm pretty laid back about getting undressed in front of doctors/nurses and having things checked/poked, so I am not even going to mind. I'll probably be too busy freaking out over what ungodly pain I'm in to notice what anyone down there is doing.

The Bump:

Can you tell this thing is heavy to haul around?

I look like a roly-poly... and feel like one lol

Rain, Rain, Go Away

2011-11-22T16:40:00.002-05:00

It is raining like a beast today. I am staying inside where it is warm and dry. Poor Brian though, he's out in the rain all evening.

Tomorrow is my first weekly check up. I think it's just a pelvic exam. What kind, I'm not sure. Maybe a pap and the group b strep swab? Or he could be checking to see if my cervix is ripening. Either way I'm looking forward to getting it done with.

Nothing makes me nervous like the dr inspecting my nether region. I worry more about personal grooming for the dr than I do for Brian lol! I always wonder if I smell ok, if I'm clean enough, make sure I got on clean panties, did I shave my legs? Am I too hairy? Am I hairy enough? I don't want to look prepubescent. The exam itself is no sweat. I don't mind going, I just want to look presentable and not be a topic of discussion for the nurses for the rest of the day lol

I woke up with the most intense heart burn today. Two Zantec haven't cured it yet. Milk makes it worse. Brian teases me that the milk is "too spicy". Har, har. It says not to take more than 2 every 24 hrs. But I'll probably take another one.

Rainy day equals chicken noodle soup from scratch for dinner. The only thing I didn't make by hand was the noodles.

Brian was talking to his friend at work who just had a baby. He asked her if the baby ever kicked "obscenely low" lol and she told him yes. She also mentioned that at 8 months, she was dilated 3 centimeters. So of course he is wondering if I'm going the same route. He really wants the baby born and home before Christmas. Healthily, of course. I told him 37 weeks is considered full term and that's December 8th. He may get his wish.

I'm ready to have the baby too, just so I can see my feet again and go upstairs with out breaking a sweat and becoming winded. It's a lot harder being pregnant than it was being 240 lbs. I've got an extra 31 lbs on my already overweight frame. That can't help either.

Baby bump update tomorrow instead of Thursday.

Low-Rider

2011-11-21T15:59:00.001-05:00

The baby is really low lately. I don't think he's "dropped" yet because I don't feel like I can breathe easier, or that my weight has shifted, but I know that that day is getting closer and closer as each day passes.

Last night I was laying down, and I felt the baby start to kick. Except it wasn't in my stomach, or even my lower stomach... it was much much lower. As in, so low, it would be considered inappropriate to put anyone's hand there to feel the kicks.

Brian was kind of worried a bit, but I told him everything was fine. I wasn't having contractions or anything, just ... interesting that the baby was so low.

Apparently he is both nervous and excited, because every 5 minutes after that he asked me if I was alright and if I needed anything, and am I sure I should be doing that?

Cute. At one point I was rolling over and he rushed over to help me lol thinking I was getting up I guess or maybe he thought it was time.

Nope, not time.

It reminds me how fast this journey has gone and yet how slowly too at the same time. These last few weeks seem to both be dragging along yet whizzing by at the speed of light. Wednesday is my next appointment and from there on out, we go weekly, until it's time.

We were going to rearrange the nursery on Sunday, but Brian's back was hurting so we haven't done that yet. I am wondering if there is actually anything I can do in there on my own, but I've decided not to risk it. I get yelled at enough for attempting things!

It will probably only take all of ten minutes for him to do it anyway, and it would be an all day venture for me (pregnant or not) so I'll wait. Maybe he will be in a good mood tonight when he comes home from work and he can do it for me really quick.

The need to nest hasn't stopped. It's manifested itself into the kitchen now and I am roasting whole young chickens, picking all the meat off the carcass, making homemade stock, and using the left over meat to make chicken noodle soup. Yeah, it was my first time ever roasting a chicken, but by golly it was the BEST chicken I have ever had. I seriously think I will end up roasting one every week. It was so easy to do and it was so juicy and succulent. My only regret was not having corn on the cob and biscuits to go with it.

The secret for perfectly moist meat and a perfectly browned, crispy skin? Place 1 Tb of butter under the skin on each breast. Just wiggle it on up there. The rest of the seasoning was salt and pepper on top and inside. In addition, inside the cavity, I stuck 2 celery sticks and 2 carrot sticks and a crushed clove of garlic, as well as an additional 2 Tb of butter.

Heaven is a place on earth, and that place is my kitchen.

Valpo Recap

2011-11-20T02:33:00.001-05:00

We went to Valpo and had a great time. Grandma and Grandpa had us go out for dinner again at Strongbow's, the expensive eatery in town.

We were having our Thanksgiving dinner and Grandma and I ordered the full turkey dinner meal from the restaurant. It came with freshly carved turkey (both white and dark meat- yum!) real mashed potatoes, and real dressing/stuffing (whatever you call it. I call it stuffing) with thick, home made turkey gravy, green beans and freshly made cranberry sauce. All real food, prepared that day. Fresh from the kitchen. That is one restaurant that I would LOVE to work at. (and gain 400 pounds, of course).

Brian had a turkey club sandwich with thick sliced turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, mayo, and it was on toasted, freshly-made-that-day wheat bread. He said it was the best sandwich he had ever eaten. I was so stuffed, unable to finish all of mine, so we took the leftovers home and it fed us both. We also got dessert- I had vanilla ice cream (with real vanilla! I never knew vanilla ice cream had so much flavor!) and Brian had a slice of freshly made pumpkin pie.

Grandma had a slice of apple pie after her turkey dinner; Grandpa had the "light" lunch, which was a pretty nice sized turkey sandwich. He ate all of the cranberry jelly as well. I had a glass of cranberry juice (so good!) Their bakery is so impressive. I wonder what it would be like to work there. Probably hot and sweaty, but amazing!

We went back to their house and had more pie (also from Strongbow's; they get a lot of their food from there if you can't tell) and cookies shaped like pumpkins and turkeys. She sent us home with the cookies, potato chips, bottled soda and tried to give us the pies too. They loved their gift of hot chocolate mix and homemade cookies- Grandma thinks I'm a great baker (a few years ago, I brought pie!) and Grandpa loved the idea of me making him sugar-free dark hot chocolate mix. I didn't know this, but apparently, he's a bit of a hot chocolate lover. So I made the perfect gift!

We helped her with her computer, and we listened to stories of when they were growing up and Grandpa showed Brian all the music he composed on the computer. He put the music in a program that he could pick whatever instruments he wanted and it would play it back. He could edit the sheet music straight from the computer as well. He does string quartets and makes CDs of his music. Complete with printed labels on the disc and for the jewel case. Pretty impressive for an 89-year old man, am I right?!

They were telling us how nice it was for us to visit them this year on Grandpa's birthday, but next year, for his 90th, they are going to South America for a few weeks and they are going to go all over... in a 4-wheeler, because it sounds fun! LOL It was either ziplining, flying or 4-wheeling.

They completely wore out Max- I don't think he was prepared for how much attention they would give him. He was allowed to run and play, and he got treats, and lots of love (he even sat on the loveseat next to Grandma at her request). Anytime they got up to move, he followed them around. They recently adopted a stray cat and he left the cat completely alone. They were so impressed they were about to steal him! They kept making comments "when the baby comes, Max, you can come live with us, and Brian and Christie can visit you whenever they want, you won't be needed there. Too much chaos with a baby." Completely serious, too. They are so funny.

Grandma was telling us how she bought Grandpa's entire Wish List of books on Amazon for the Kindle on his birthday, and how annoyed he was some of her books were on his Kindle and told her to take them off. She called him an "ungrateful wretch" and he just laughed. She told us of the time they had taken Grandpa's mother to see a play years ago, and how they had to leave in the middle of it because the lady was so offended. Grandma couldn't believe that anyone could possibly be offended by a play, in which a woman jumped through a giant, detailed vagina on stage. Grandpa said it was shaping up to be a good play too. LOL.

It was so nice to visit for so long because we aren't going to be seeing them over Christmas (they want me home and near the hospital of course) and on our way to leave, she said next time we visit, she wants us to bring both the baby and the dog. We aren't allowed to leave Max at home if we visit.

She gave me a lovely glass doll figurine, and Brian a leather drum, and a few other goodies, including a few CDs of Grandpa's music. I am so blessed to be a part of his family. I have more to say on the subject, but it will have to wait until next week. I can hardly wait!

Baking Queen

2011-11-19T01:30:00.000-05:00

There's a reason why my gamer tag is CooknQueen. I love to cook! No surprise there, right? Well today, I am Baking Queen because I am mixing up something delicious in the kitchen.

First on the list is Sugar Free Hot Cocoa Mix.

I absolutely love hot chocolate and there is nothing better than homemade.. so I made a bunch from scratch. Here's the recipe via AllRecipes.com

Sugar Free Hot Cocoa Mix

Servings: 24

1.5 cups Splenda or other no calorie sweetener. granulated

1 cup powdered non-dairy creamer (your choice flavor)

1 cup dry milk powder

3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

The directions are pretty simple: Combine all in a blender and pulse until fine, then dump in an air tight container.

I used Hershey's Special Dark unsweetened cocoa powder, because according to the reviews, it gave for a much more chocolatey taste than regular unsweetened. I recommend using the blender (or Magic Bullet) to pulse the dry milk powder and sugar substitute together, as it makes the powders finer.

Naturally, after making a mess in the kitchen making this cocoa mix (it gets everywhere!) I had to try out a cup. I heated up some milk in a microwave and put in 2 tablespoons of cocoa mix. It dissolved simply, completely (better than I can say for any store bought brand) and it turned a kind of purple color. Probably because of the extra dark chocolate, but it's tasty. It's a chocolatey treat that doesn't taste sugary or overly sweet. Just the right amount.

I packaged it up in a mason jar and made a little card with some ribbon on it:

Drink Me! Yes a little reference from Alice in Wonderland :)

Instructions and Nutritional Information :)

Next up on my list was sugar cookies with peppermint frosting. I love sugar cookies, probably more than any other cookie, if you can believe that.

So I got a packaged cookie mix, which was said to yield 3 dozen cookies, but I made the bigger version (using tablespoon-sized drops instead of teaspoon). I got a little under 3 dozen that way- 33 cookies. I made them according to the directions and while the cookies were cooling, I put a drop or two of peppermint extract in store bought frosting, and mixed it up really well. It had just the perfect amount of peppermint flavor. A little goes a long, long way here.

I iced the cookies and then let them sit out for a bit so the frosting would stiffen up, making them easier for packaging.

They are so tasty

About 2 dozen cookies fit in here

I got extra bakey today because we are going to Valpo tomorrow morning to visit with Brian's grandparents and we are celebrating Christmas early. What better way to test my food gifts than on unsuspecting grandparents hehehe

Everyone is getting a jar of cocoa mix this year, but I think I will probably not do the cookies again. I might make Oreo truffles or peanut butter balls for everyone else :) Yes I spoiled the surprise... but come on, who doesn't love food gifts??? That's right, no one. Everyone loves them.

In addition to being extra bakey, I got extra cleany too. I did 3 loads of dishes by hand, 2 loads of laundry, and I gave Max a bath. So I am exhausted and it's time for bed. I'm up at 9:30 to pack and get ready (hair and make up etc) Nighty night.

Preparations

2011-11-18T17:43:00.001-05:00

I've spent a lot of time today cleaning... more on that later, I have a special post about what I've been up to in the kitchen :) and I did a little bit of goofing around in Photoshop for the first time in ages, designing Christmas cards. I think this year we are going to make our own cards. If Drake is with us before Christmas, all the better, but if not, then I will have to do a Happy New Year's card too and send it out to everyone. :)

I got in a ton of exercise yesterday. I had to wash pillows for our rocking chair. They didn't fit in the washer (we have a compact model) or the dryer, so I filled up the bath tub, dumped some detergent on and agitated them... by foot. I stood on top of them in the tub, holding on to the walls, and marched up and down on them for about 20 minutes, kind of like how they used to do grape stomping for wine.

Why yes, that is I Love Lucy.

Then I rinsed them out. The pillows are actually foam blocks, so they hold a LOT of water. I spent another 20 minutes or so squishing all of the water out. I used a combination of the foot stomping method and then I used my thighs of steel (lol) squeezing out as much as I could. Then I put the fan on and let them air dry.

Hard to believe it worked so well! It was a lot of fun too. Brian stood by the tub and held on to me so I wouldn't fall. I totally had it under control though, and never even slipped once. But I was still glad he was there. He even dried off my feet for me, the dear.

Max was, once again, disappointed that he did not get a bath. "It's too cold for puppies to get baths!" I tried explaining but obviously he didn't agree. So, he got a bath today. How can I deny a dog who WANTS to get clean?? I'd be insane.

I have so much more cleaning to do. I really need to get on it. We are leaving early (early being 11 am lol) for Valpo, and I need to make sure that I have everything done and cleaned so I can come home to a nice clean house tomorrow night and enjoy my Sunday instead of cleaning.

Week 34: Bump Update

2011-11-17T13:54:00.001-05:00

No doctor visit this week, but starting next week, I'm on a weekly basis. Which means... it's almost time.
Seems like time isn't something I really have a lot of any more. :)

Week 34: That means I am officially 8 months pregnant. Holy crap in a bucket, Batman. (For those of you who don't know, pregnancy is measured in weeks. They start off from the first day of your last menstrual cycle and then calculate out 40 weeks for your estimated due date. The first 2 weeks you aren't even pregnant. Stupid, I know, but that's how it works. So 34 - 2 = 32 / 4 = 8!)

I feel like I am all out of room. I'm totally swollen with child. I get heartburn/acid reflux off of practically everything, since my stomach is jammed up into my throat. Mint helps. Maybe that's why I'm eating everything mint in a 10 mile radius of my person at all times.

Hot flashes are still a huge issue. They seem to last at least 20 minutes, sometimes an hour at a time. But I asked my doctor, who just said "at least you'll be warm this winter." Thanks, doc.

Brian and I watched a video on diapering a baby. We both knew in theory how to diaper a kid, but we have never had the ...pleasure... of doing it. So a video was in order. It was incredibly informative. The lady who did the video is apparently an expert on diapering tips (I didn't know such a thing existed) and it was kind of fun and exciting to watch. I mean, in just a few short weeks, we will be able to do that. Hahah. Watch the video here if you are interested.

Drake is still very active this week, but the kicks are starting to feel different. It's not so much "stretching out to punch you" its more "I'm so big now, all I can do is wiggle around!" And it's true... at 34 weeks, the baby is too big to float around in the womb. Most likely, he is in a heads down, rump up position. I think he is. I can totally feel his little backside. His legs will still randomly kick out, making me feel like I punctured a lung or something. His arms flutter and wiggle all about really low in the pelvic region.

4.75 pounds this week and 18 inches long (on average). Hard to believe the little guy is getting so big now. They compare the weight to a cantaloupe... but I've never held one. Hahaha, isn't that funny!!

My lovely baby bump

Hard to believe this is one of the few shirts that still fits. And I bought it last year.

What do you guys think of the bump? Is it larger than life? Totally feels like it. I definitely have a lot more lower back strain than I did 2 weeks ago. It seems never ending. But we are almost at the end. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!! I love Picasa photo editor. It has a button that automatically detects and fixes red eye. Pretty damn awesome, don't you think?

Indiana

2011-11-16T19:38:00.001-05:00

Jeff Foxworthy must have lived in Indiana for a while! Here's what he had to say about the Hoosier state.

-If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in Indiana.

-If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't even work there, you may live in Indiana.

-If you've worn shorts and a jacket at the same time, you may live in Indiana. (Guilty!)

-If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Indiana.

-If "vacation" means going anywhere south of Fort Wayne for the weekend, you may live in Indiana. (Guilty!)

-If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Indiana. (I do!)

-If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Indiana. (Yep.)

-If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you may live in Indiana. (Guilty!)

-If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Indiana.

-If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both doors unlocked, you may live in Indiana.

-If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Indiana.

-If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Indiana.

-If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Indiana.

-If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Indiana.

-If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Indiana. (Hahaha, that one is SO TRUE)

-If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Indiana.

-If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in Indiana.

These all made me laugh so hard, because they are very true. Especially the heat and A/C one and definitely the 4 seasons. Ha- road construction. I snorted so bad when I read that one.

So, fellow Hoosiers... do you think it's a pretty accurate picture of the Cross Road State? I do! lol

Today

2011-11-16T15:36:00.001-05:00

The weather is being weird. But it's Indiana, what do you expect? Nothing less. One day it's in the 60's-70's (we had thunderstorms that day, naturally). The day before? 30's. The next it's in the 50's. Today? 45 degrees.

Sigh.

It's still nice to curl up under a blanket (or three), have a cup of hot chocolate (or three), and read a book (or three.)

Tonight is Brian's "long night" at work. He works from 4 until about midnight. I'm praying that he makes a lot of money tonight, because so far this month, every one is being stingy with tips. Probably because Christmas is coming up and everyone forgot to buy everyone else a gift. Sigh. So the poor pizza guy gets stiffed. A few people haven't tipped him at all. Someone gave him 3 pennies. Wow. We are rich. Usually their attitudes will change once it snows for the first time and the weather turns nastier... I guess people feel bad for ordering pizza and making people drive out in blizzards for them. So the tips generally are pretty big.

I had a delicious breakfast of egg ham and cheese delight. Which is basically a breakfast casserole. Crack open some eggs, toss in some ham, some cheese, a bit of milk, and a pinch of breadcrumbs/crackers. Bake until set. I had it with a piece of 100% whole wheat toast and a bottle of water.

Today I'm working on Brian's ~~stupid~~ scarf trying to get that finished. Yeah I never finished it, but last night I got into it again and probably added another 3". Unfortunately I still have about a ball and a half of yarn to go through before it's finished so I hope that I can push through and get it done. I have plenty of time to do that today. The scarf is proving frustrating, only because I really have to focus on it to make sure I am getting the correct number of stitches every other row. Sounds easy and it probably should be, but I've had to rip out more than one row. More like, all but one row. More than once.

It's given me something to do since Brian will be at work all night and I don't have much to do today in terms of work or even work around the house. I guess doing a load of dishes every night has really cut back on the amount of dishes to do. Who would have thought? I've been trying to do the same with the laundry. So far.. C minus.

We actually did really well last week at the grocery store and still have about half of the food we had bought! This makes me happy, because it means spending less at the store this week. On the menu this week, we have spaghetti and meatballs (yum), old fashioned chicken noodle soup with mashed potatoes (also yum), cheeseburgers (always a favorite here), and of course, breakfast. Which I think will come in the form of sausage links and pumpkin pancakes. The only thing I have to buy is buns for the cheeseburgers, sausage links, and syrup. Plus our staples like cereal, milk, juice.

We found out what is going on with his family (sort of) for Thanksgiving. I guess it's at his parents house (still not sure about that part) and it's at 5. My family's dinner is from 3-6 so we will probably drop by his family's and hang out, but not eat. We also confirmed with his grandparents what time we were meeting in Valparaiso on Saturday. Which is 1 pm their time, 2 pm ours. It's a two hour drive, so it means we will have to leave a little before noon to make it there about 2 pm (or 1 their time). They asked us to bring Max, so of course we shall :) How could I deny them that lol

Since we are celebrating both Thanksgiving and Christmas with his grandparents I was thinking of what I should bring. Maybe I'll make some sugar cookies and decorate them! Sounds good to me :P Should I even make them in Christmas shapes? I was thinking of making home made frosting, but using a box mix for the cookies (hey- don't judge). I was thinking of making the frosting peppermint flavored. Not only because I love peppermint, but because I know his grandparents love peppermint. Ohh... And some homemade hot chocolate mix. In a gift basket. That's pretty much what everyone is getting this year.

Update

2011-11-15T18:26:00.001-05:00

Here's a bunch of random stuff that's happened. I don't really have a real update. Here you go.

We have 2 bathrooms. One in the hall way and one in our bedroom. I started the shower in the master bath (not really a master bathroom... its tiny) and went into the other one to get my clean clothes out of the dryer.

I was so surprised to see Max sitting in the bathtub. Whataya doing you goofy dog?

I guess he heard the water running and thought it was time for his bath. He looked sad that I didn't give him one. But it made me laugh and laugh. So he wins some brownie points.

Brian's dad called. Wanted to know what we were doing for Thanksgiving. We're having it with my family this year. His family still doesn't know who's house it's going to be at or what time it's going to be... but we're invited. So are we coming? Probably not... just because no one has any idea of what's going on.

It's hard to believe that it is only Tuesday. I am so ready for this week to be over. Which is sad, since it just started really. We are going to Valpo this weekend and I am so ready to go. I'm ready to be out of the house.

Brian has three days off work this week. Blessing and a curse. We could use the money but he's been working 6 days a week for a few weeks now so it's time for a little R&R. Thursday he promised me that we were going to rearrange the nursery and we're in Valpo on Saturday. Sunday will be a do nothing day. Everyone needs a do nothing day.

I think I am still suffering from caffeine withdrawal. I keep getting nasty headaches-turned-migraines and my energy levels have been less than stellar. If I were to get a grade on it, I'd get an "N" for "Needs improvement" Or maybe a "U" for "Unsatisfactory."

I have 2 days to plan a grocery list. I think I'll start on that now.

Today I'm Not Doing Anything

2011-11-13T16:33:00.001-05:00

I'm so ready for a break. I'm completely worn out mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I have a hard time focusing on anything. Call it pregnancy brain if you want, but it doesn't matter. It is affecting my everything.

My Kindle froze last night while I was reading it, and I thought for sure that it had broken. They are notorious for that, after all. I couldn't help it. I broke down and I cried and I cried over it. It's fine, I just had to restart it. Well, Brian did a force restart and it was fine. I cried in the bathroom, great big tears streaking down my face, blubbering away.

Maybe it was part hormone related. I don't know. It certainly didn't feel like it was all hormones... I think I've just gotten myself to that point where I was about to break down over anything- all I needed was that little push, and suddenly I'm as wobbly as Jell-o.

I almost feel like I am battling depression right now. I just want to sleep. I don't want to cook, I don't want to dress, I don't want to shower. I just want to lay in bed all day. Hell, it could still be symptoms of caffeine withdrawal. *shrug* I dunno.

I did do one nice thing for myself. I made sure that I had 2 days off from work. 48 full hours of not working.

I'm hoping this will help me feel better. One of those days will be spent with family in Valparaiso- celebrating Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Grandpa's Birthday. I'm really excited to go see them. We are also going to try and squeeze in a visit with Brian's former sister in law, who recently had a baby. Ohhh yes! I've been wanting to get my grubby little hands on a baby for a while now hehehehe

One thing I am doing is forcing myself to slog through it when I have to, taking a Xanax when I need one, and making sure not to go too hard on myself. This too, shall pass.

Oh I don't mean to sound like a Negative Nancy. I'm still in general very happy with my life and how things are going, it's just sort of a gray patch right now. I'll get through it. I always do :)

Week 33: Update

2011-11-10T04:07:00.000-05:00

We are almost officially at 8 months: that will be next Thursday! So that means this week, I am 7 months and 3 weeks pregnant. Holy crap!

I had a doctor's appointment today.

I hate going to the doctor really...

My weight: 253 (+30 lbs in 33 weeks) = AVERAGE
My blood pressure: AVERAGE- same as last time
Baby's heart beat: AVERAGE- same as last time

Interesting to note...

The nurse was acting kind of weird when we first got there and asked me if she called me this past week. I said no, were you trying to? "Oh good, because we had you scheduled for a colposcopy" (which is basically an up-close look at the cervix.)

This confused me, because I thought she said colonoscopy- QUITE different. I was wondering how she would know the state of my colon, anyway. Hahaha my mistake.

The funny thing is, I have had a colposcopy before- right before they shaved off a good chunk of my cervix. So I was not overly pleased about hearing that I was scheduled for one. Then I was let off the hook, because they had the wrong Christine. In 2 weeks, the last bi-weekly appointment, I will have a pap smear. I think. I heard the words "pelvic exam" and "culture sample" so I am assuming it's either a pap or for the group b strep or both. Swab away, doc. Swab away.

How's Mom-to-be this week?: Aside from the hot flashes and the joint pain, I'm good. Still in nesting phase and I am wondering if I will be done with that any time soon. I'm tired of cleaning. I keep having weird pregnancy dreams. Meh. I'm over those.

How's Baby this week?: Kickin'! We had fun at the doctor's office today. We couldn't hear the heartbeat- just the echo- but even with the echo and all the kicking and squirming the baby was doing, we figured he was fine. The doctor reassured me that happens alot. I wasn't worried- I know my baby's fine. He kicks me in the ribs every day to let me know he's fine lol

How's Dad-to-be this week?: Since Brian learned about his sympathy symptoms, he's been doing a lot better. It's always good to figure out the cause of one's problems. Also, he is geared up for The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim to be released at midnight tonight.

I'd take a picture, but my camera battery died. :( I'll update with one tomorrow.

You Have My Sympathies

2011-11-09T13:02:00.002-05:00

I've got Brian reading the Expectant Dads section of What to Expect When You're Expecting and it's shed a little light on what's been going on with him lately.

You see, he gained a little weight. He thought it was bloat from eating out too much and drinking too much soda. Then he started to worry it was a beer belly (even though he hardly drinks- oh the lies we tell ourselves lol)

As he was reading, he kept saying "Oh my god!" and "Hmmm...."

When I asked him about it, he told me that he must be experiencing sympathy pregnancy symptoms. (Common in about half of all men).

-He's gained weight (10 lbs. Poor thing weighs 195 now. I can relate how devastating it is to see that number... but I'd kill to weigh that much lol)

-He's craving sweets. The man does not have a sweet tooth by nature. Suddenly, he does.

-He's having mood swings. Not as dramatic as mine, but for a man who doesn't emote very often, it's noticeable.

-His libido has diminished. And not because I look like a giant whale clad in a lacy nightie... no, he's just all around less interested in sex. This was a gradual, but noticeable, change. It's very unusual because he normally has a very high libido (part of the reason we got pregnant in the first place! haha)

It's nice that he is experiencing some of the same things I am, but I feel terrible for him gaining weight. Especially now that he has mood swings, because he gets really mopey :(

He did say he was glad to read the section in the book though, because it was very informative and easy to read. I got my Kindle today, so tomorrow at the doctor's office, I might even be nice and let him read some more of it on my Kindle :)

Exciting News

2011-11-07T20:15:00.002-05:00

Hello! Hurray, I got some exciting news! Brian's grandparents called him today and want us to come up and visit on the 19th! I love visiting them! Grandma said that it would be our Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Grandpa's birthday all wrapped up in one day! Grandpa's birthday is on the 20th. (That's a lot of celebrating)

I can't wait! She asked how I was doing and Brian told her I was doing really well, besides some minor aches and pains. Grandma then asked if I have been getting crampy lately (can she sense my cramps??) and he said yes, I was. She assured him (and me!) that it was normal. Grandma's a retired nurse. Cracks me up.

Really, it made me realize just how easy I've had it. Yeah, I'm sore, I'm crampy, cranky, and limited in ways I never thought I would be, but on a scale from 1-10, my pregnancy has been like a 1.25 :) So I'm taking it in stride.

Another reason I love his grandparents? His grandma is so cutting edge. They came to the baby shower and were showing off their Kindles they bought for their latest trip to Canada. Totally jealous! (I bought one eventually) and tonight she told Brian that she just had her internet company set her up with wireless in her house so she could... get an iPad.

Blown away.

Brian's grandma is going to be the first person I know personally to have an iPad. And Brian gets to play with it first to set it up for her.

She's so hip. I hope I'm that hip when I am a grandma.

I think Grandpa is going to be.... 89??? Last I remember he was 88 and I remember us going for a walk with him and their dog, and Grandpa could walk faster than Brian and I... it was kind of humbling. No wonder they travel everywhere! He's got a lot of gas in his tank! I think that was last year. I can't remember if it was or not... maybe it's his 90th??!

I'm excited either way. Can't wait. Roll on the 19th!

Monday

2011-11-07T13:46:00.000-05:00

I'm still nesting... I guess. I have been working really hard on cleaning the house. Not sure why it suddenly hit me to clean ALL THE THINGS but it has.

Our dishwasher is a POS. We are having maintenance come look at it, but we don't have our hopes up. I have been doing dishes by hand. I've noticed a few things. 1) It takes less time to do all the dishes that way and 2) it really hurts my lower back. I have to stand away from the sink a bit because of the baby bump, which means I have to lean forward/over slightly... ouch. 3) I'd rather do dishes than laundry.

I ordered a Kindle and it should be here on Wednesday.

Thursday is my 2 week check up. I've been having more crampy feelings, which is a little cause for concern. Am I just growing? Are they Braxton-Hicks? Hmm. It's probably nothing (famous last words!) but I am going to bring it up anyway. They don't get stronger or more frequent but they are enough to make me stop what I am doing and they hurt.... so we will see.

I drew up the floor plans for the nursery and also decided I wanted to rearrange our bedroom. I made a few designs of each room and let Brian pick which he wanted to do, since he has to move the furniture. I'm so nice, right?? But he says he actually likes to rearrange every few months, so I'll let him ;)

Day 2 of caffeine detox... so far so good... I'm not miserable...maybe it's because my body hasn't realized it yet? Or maybe I will be lucky and skip withdrawal haha... one can wish right??

The rest of this week will be spent moving furniture around and making sure everything is cleaned. I also have this incredible urge to start packing for the hospital stay as well... hmm wonder how long I can deny that impulse??

Soda Cleanse

2011-11-06T16:58:00.004-05:00

Eat This, Not That! has changed our lives... hopefully for the better.

Because of that little book, Brian's decided to nix soda completely. Usually it's me who tries to get us to kick the soda habit. Brian's never wanted to... but now he wants to.

In Eat This, Not That!, they mention that the average American consumes enough soda to pack on an additional 22 lbs of weight each year. I believe it! I also believe we drink way more soda than the average American.

For instance, we are currently drinking 8- 2 liters of soda a week. Between the two of us. That's about 4 each. Each 2 liter has six servings and ranges from 140-180 calories per serving, depending on the brand. We'll go with 180.

So each bottle of soda contains 1,080 calories. One thousand eighty empty calories. It takes me approximately 2 days to get through a 2 liter. And that means I have about 3.5 a week, but let's just round it up to 4. 4 bottles/week x 1,080/bottle = 4,320 calories a week.

There are roughly 3,500 calories in a pound. That means I am consuming roughly 1.25 pounds worth of soda each and every week. That is roughly 5 pounds a month.

You all remember your times tables right? Yeah me too, so it didn't take me long to figure out that 5 pounds a month easily translates into 60 pounds a year. In soda. (which is almost TRIPLE what the typical American consumes)

UGH

Amazing how even though I knew soda was bad for me, I didn't realize what I could potentially be doing to myself with it. So we are going cold turkey, Brian's orders! I've started chugging water like nobody's business because I want to flush my system out and hopefully get over the withdrawal symptoms quicker....

That's the main reason we haven't quit drinking soda. We can't 'deal' with the withdrawal. It's too haaard. But I know once I get past the first 2 or 3 days, I feel so much better. So I'll just have to tough it out.

Pregnant woman + caffeine headache = watch out!

Wish us luck.

Once Bitten...

2011-11-06T01:08:00.001-05:00

Me thinks I am in nesting mode again... because I had this huge, overwhelming desire to tackle all the laundry in the house today (and I mean ALL the laundry!) as well as tackling the kitchen. I even made Brian drive me to the store for cleaning supplies at 1 am.

This is extremely odd. Not going to the store at 1 am; that's actually normal. The odd thing is the cleaning. And not just regular "wash dry fold" kind of laundry... I took out the filters in the washing machine (weird our machine as filters...) and scrubbed them clean. I did the same thing with the lint filter in the dryer. And I noticed that the cavity the filters sit in collect a lot of lint.... so I asked Brian to vacuum them out with the hose attachment.

Weird... I know.

Then I got a growing pain... or two. I am hoping they are growing pains, at least. I'm not quite ready to meet the little one just yet. I only had two and it's been over an hour since, and they weren't super strong... so I am praying they were just growing pains.

I'm trying not to let the thought of early labor get to me... because I keep having these weird dreams where my water breaks and I end up flooding the room... clearly I am getting anxious about the impending birth. I keep trying to keep my head on straight.

Brian said that he would rearrange the nursery for me tomorrow. Except I need to draw up a diagram of how I want it to look. What a great husband! He's also been extremely helpful with all the laundry and kitchen nonsense I've been putting him through.

The cleaning bug has bit me... and it itches like crazy.

Eat This, Not That!

2011-11-05T16:29:00.002-04:00

If you haven't seen the Eat This, Not That! books around, I recommend picking one up (either at your local library or just your bookstore!) because it is jam packed with great nutritional advice....

Taken from Amazon.com

It tells you things you already should know. That eating real, whole foods is best. That eating processed foods is not. But it also considers real life. You know, how we go out to restaurants and like to eat our ice creams. It gives you food swaps... instead of eating 1 cup of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, have 1 cup of Breyer's all natural in the same flavor... and save a few hundred calories!

It's one of those books that gives you the information you need to realize the choices that we are making aren't always fantastic... but it doesn't make you feel guilty about eating anything. It simply gives you knowledge, tells you leaner options, and leaves it up to you to do what you will about it.

I really like it. It's small enough to toss in your purse or keep in the car for quick little dips. I got the 2011 version and it has a supermarket guide and also an extensive restaurant guide. I'm hoping to also get the supermarket survival guide, which is exclusive to grocery products and also the kids' edition. Since I'm having one and all. I'm not planning on using it as the "no diet diet" as it is called... but I am planning on using it as a reference and a tool. Like a responsible adult! wow... when did that shit happen?

Brian and I have been talking about eating more at home and one of my desires is to start cooking from scratch. I have some reservations because I love baked goods. If I made my own biscuits, I'd probably make them all the time and be a huge fat ass. I am trying to come up with a solution for that... but I love cooking and want to continue to expand my knowledge and make great, home made meals.

Reading the Eat This, Not That! book has shed a little more light on to the subject of nutrition for me. I realize I have little knowledge in that area. I mean, I know what calories and macronutrients are. I know the difference between a complex and simple carb, but I don't know enough about the rest of it.

I want to make better decisions about eating. I don't know if I will ever get to the point where I love fruits and veggies, but I am hoping that even swapping out one food for a slightly better version will help me get to that point. Brian wants to go balls to the wall and get rid of soda, caffeine, and anything that is not 100% natural. I love how he can eat fresh fruits and veggies all the time... but I am going to need to take baby steps.

I'm interested in hearing your recommendations for books and movies/documentaries on nutrition and eating better. But please- nothing that is all like "100% vegetarian/vegan- meat is evil!" stuff, because I am not really interested in becoming meat less. I just want to be more informed. Scientific, non-biased (or as little bias as possible) views will be my best options.

Also, I just bought a Kindle so anything that is an e-book = win ;)

Emotions

2011-11-04T15:17:00.004-04:00

Last night, we were watching Biggest Loser season 11. They were showing the eliminated contestant and how they were doing. One part of the segment had a little boy on it, saying how proud he was of his father and how much he looked up to him now. The kid couldn't have been older than 7.

I look over at Brian and he has his head in his hands. At first, I thought he had a head ache but then I realized he was shaking..he was crying.

I asked him what was wrong. "Nothing....nothing's wrong." He didn't want to talk about it any, but I didn't let up. I kept asking him if something had happened. "It's just... I'm going to be a father. I am so happy. I can't wait."

Then he put his head on my shoulder, and his hand on my belly. Drake pushed against him. Brian sobbed harder. "I hope I am a good father."

"You're already a great father. You know how I know? 8 months ago, we didn't want kids. Now, you point out babies to me and tell me how excited you are. You cry when you see little boys mention how proud they are. You are a fantastic husband. There is no doubt in my mind."

We sat like that for a while. Him, with tears flowing down his cheeks. Me, with a big goofy grin on my face.

They say a woman becomes a mother when she becomes pregnant. A man becomes a father when he holds his child for the first time. To me, Brian just proved them wrong.

I couldn't be luckier.

Week 32: Bump Update

2011-11-03T17:19:00.002-04:00

No doctor's visit this week. But I did promise a bump update every week for the last 10 weeks. Now we are at week 32 and we only have 8 weeks left to greet our little one. Wow. 8 weeks. 56 days.

Baby Drake is about 16.7 inches long and he weighs about 3.75 lbs and we can expect him to gain an average of half a pound a week. At week 37, he will be 90% of his full term birth weight. Baby is packing on the pounds!! Grow baby, grow!!

I can't help but be very excited. We are turning a corner... in the last stretch of the baby making game.

It's getting more difficult to sleep through the night. I am definitely restless. Between my hips hurting and not being able to get comfortable, it's a struggle. I am trying to find what is best for me right now. It's definitely affecting Brian too. All of my tossing and turning keeps waking him up.

I may just sleep on the couch... it's a more comfortable option right now, sadly.

It's kind of interesting and also a little nerve wracking to know that even though I technically have 8 weeks to go, Drake will come when he wants to. He could come early, he could come late, he could come right on his due date and be that odd 5% of babies who are born that day. I love that babies make up their own minds. It shows that they definitely have their own personalities.

Drake's favorite thing to do? Stretching out! His little feet like to press out against my tummy right under my rib cage. He then uses his arms and bangs against my lower abdomben, right above my pelvis. Sometimes, he will do both those things and also get hiccups. Which can last for-ev-er.

It's cute, because I can press down where his feet are pushing on my tummy and he will push back as hard as he can. My poor abs. Getting poked from both sides! Hahah.

I have a going home outfit for Drake already picked out. I can't wait to meet the little guy.

Anyway, here's how we've grown this week:

Girl look at that baby!

I walk around like this all the time haha

32 Weeks and loving it!

Next week: A doctor's appointment- measure and weight update. That will be my second-to-last bi-weekly visitation, then we start going weekly!