Friday, January 3, 2014

HAPPY 2014

Thank goodness the holidays are over, friends. Each year I feel they get a little more emotionally draining for me and I wonder if it will get any "better" or if I just have a lot going on.

Anyway, how is everyone doing now that it is officially 2014? Any progress on your resolutions yet?

2013 was a strange year for me- emotionally and mentally very little growth happened for me. I did have the opportunity to discover that I no longer need my anti-depressants to function like a normal adult. I am grateful for that, very much. I was in a dark place and it was really scary, but through a lot of patience (on Brian's part) and forgiveness of my short-comings, I was able to realize that most of my issues were not so much depression as lack of growth.

Moving to a new apartment really helped kick start things for me in that area and since August, I have been off my medicine. I still have days where I am not myself, but those days are fewer and becoming farther apart.

In late October, I went to my doctor and asked him if he would be willing to prescribe me a new weight loss drug. I had heard and read about a lot of people having success with it with very little effort on their part and I wanted to try it. For the most part, it is an appetite suppressant but it also has the benefit of helping with migraines. I suffer from migraines a lot- around 2-3 of them a month is average for me, and it usually ends up with me curled up in bed sobbing with an ice pack, or slumped in front of the toilet vomiting. Light sensitivity is a huge thing for me when I am experiencing a migraine and trying to raise a toddler while having a migraine... not good.

I was started on a trial dose and it helped greatly with my migraines and my appetite and while I didn't start seeing any sort of weight loss until I was on the full dose, I can say that after 1 month of being on the full dosage I have lost 12 lbs. It's a fantastic feeling. I feel like I finally have the thing that has clicked for me. I am counting calories and I occasionally exercise, so this in combination is really what is driving it home for me.

2014 has been a mix of good and bad so far- I realize it's only the 3rd day of the new year, but hey, that's how life goes.

I bought a bunch of Kindle books with an Amazon gift card I got, and I have been reading so much more. My soul is so happy because of this. Honestly, if I had read half as much as I have this year, last year, I would have been surprised. I am already through 2 books.

I started drawing again. I just do 30 minutes a day. Doodle and then flesh it out a bit.

I have been working so much more. I have a renewed interest in making as much money as I can and saving, as I want to be able to travel this year. I already set out a couple of places I want to go, so I've made little savings jars for them and working while I have those vacations in mind makes it easier to focus.

The bad?

Weeeelllll

Mom, please. 

Drake had to get 2 stitches on New Years Day. Brian had his company Christmas party that day and I had worked all night long and didn't get any sleep. He decided that he and Drake were going to go and it would be no big deal. As soon as they got there, Drake ran smack into a metal-edged table and sliced his eyebrow open. They were at the ER for over 2 hours. I was asleep the whole time and didn't know. Not like it would have helped any, Brian said, since we only have one car and I couldn't have got there anyhow.

So he's okay, and he leaves them alone, which is nice. I feel bad for him though, his birthday is in 2 days and he had to fall face first into a table and screw up his face. Oh well, he is a boy and that is what boys do. Children are surprisingly hardy little creatures so I am trying not to worry over it.

I'm also trying not to feel guilty, because I am sure it would have happened regardless if I was there or not.

It's adorable because the way that the stitches are placed, it makes him look all puppy dog eyes and sad all the time.

Sunday the little man turns 2 and that should be a lot of fun. We are also having a belated holiday party with our friends that night, so that means I WILL BE PARTYING ALL DAY LONG WOOO...

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

The One About Thanksgiving

Hi dearies! I am sure you all had forgotten about me, that's okay, I forgot about this place too. Things have been a little hectic lately and I sort of like it like that, so bear with me.

I have been working a lot and while there are days I could probably go on a stabbing spree, I am loving the extra money from it. So there's that. Also I feel less like a sack of lard when I am working more. I mean I just work and work and work so I am not doing much else, but at least it's productive.

Brian is battling bronchitis right now. I used to think that bronchitis was some super serious thing, like pneumonia. It's not, it's a chest cold. It just means that the bronchial tubes are inflamed. It's when it doesn't get better on its own that you need to go to a doctor. So that's good, I guess. Last year, Drake got it and he was pretty bad for a while. We ended up going to the doctor and he had a cough for a solid month. They gave us some stuff for it, but it didn't really help much. Now I am hoping that Brian doesn't pass it on to Drake this year- however- since it is a cold and they are extremely contagious I am not holding out any hope. In fact, the last two nights, Drake has woken up coughing pretty hard. It's starting.

I keep doping Brian up on cough medicine and vitamin c. Take it! I said take it. It's actually way easier to get Drake to take medicine than it is to get Brian to take it. I have to remind him every 4 hours and basically watch him take it. But I am the same way. I have to set alarms on my phone for my medication and it's medication I have to take every day. I just forget. Note: a side effect of my meds is forgetfulness, and it clearly is a side effect I suffer from.

Thanksgiving was lovely for us. We spent it in Valparaiso with Brian's family. Drake refused to eat and threw a temper tantrum but that was okay. He and I went into the other room for a Conversation. I don't know if you've had a Conversation with a 2 year old, but it goes like this.

"Drake Alexander, you listen to me. I don't care if you eat with us or not. You don't have to. However, you are not going to throw a temper tantrum in front of your grandparents. You can go play in the other room with your toys. Is that understood?"

His response? Limp noodle.

Fair enough, kid.

After dinner though, he was fine. I just think he couldn't stand the idea of sitting at a table for over an hour and wondering why everyone was still eating when he wasn't hungry at all.

Holidays are always really busy for us, I mean they are busy for everyone- but especially for us. In addition to Christmas and New Year's, my parents both have birthdays during the holiday season. My mom's was actually yesterday, and my dad's is on New Year's Day. Brian's dad's birthday is in January too, and so is Drake's. Last year, we had three family Christmases. This year it's looking like we are only doing one or two. Lucky us! :) I'm not complaining. It's just hectic.

Brian's work is slammed during this time period. I mean, slammed. So we are having a holiday party with our friends AFTER the new year, since no one will be able to get together before then. It's interesting, because I am hosting it and I chose to host it on Drake's birthday. I love punishment.
It's okay though. It's going to be a white elephant party so nothing terribly fancy. I already have the menu planned out because I obsess over things like this.

I got my Christmas present early from Brian. It is a Nintendo 3DS. We were sharing one previously but he didn't like me hogging it all the time haha so I just went ahead and bought my own this week and told him he bought it for me for Christmas. I play a lot of Animal Crossing on it. I am obsessed with the game. It's easy to pick up and put down while Drake is running around and I can tune out while he is watching his cartoons.

Brian and I had a date night the other week where we saw Catching Fire and I am in love. I was floored by the movie. I thought it was so much better than the first one. I absolutely loved the books and was crushed by how the first movie was portrayed. I think, though, that for me, the books will always have some weird emotional connection that the movies will never be able to capture. I was pretty deep in my PPD when I read the stories and it left me pretty fragile after reading them. I can't go back and read them yet, because of the flood of emotions that are tied with it. I am trying to get Brian to read them though, I really shouldn't. I know he won't feel the same emotional connection I did, and I am only setting myself up for disappointment there. Also WTF- Mockingjay being 2 parts?! I can't handle this. It's like Harry Potter all over again.

I probably won't update for a while again, simply because I've really lost interest in blogging since I have nothing to say really. Hope that this tides you all over for a few months. Happy holidays.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Accomplished

I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but I am sure I have... I absolutely am going insane staying at home all the time. It sucks ass.

Like, it's not for me.

I tried it, for four long, grueling, self-inducing hate filled years I tried it.

I'm proud to say that that is no longer me.

I got a job outside of the house!! YAY ME!! Guys, I feel so much pride, and joy, and accomplishment. I am so excited for myself.

It's strange, because I feel at odds about myself. I mean, I know I should do what I need to do that is best for me and my family, but still somehow I feel like I need to explain myself or validate it for others. It's a new concept I am working on- this not giving of fucks, and just doing what needs to be done, but it is refreshing and raw and a whole new experience.

After 4 years of being sheltered inside of the house and constantly seeking approval for anything, and being afraid of everything, I think it's safe to say that I will be breaking out of my self-induced shell and be happier, once again. God, I missed being happy.

I'm happy sobbing right now. You want to know why? Because when I came home yesterday, my son ran up to me and gave me a hug. I've never gotten a hug from him voluntarily. He's always been kind of forced into it. Yesterday he gave me a hug and he waved when I walked in the door. It was fucking awesome.


And I am so proud of myself- doubly proud, even. Because I had set a limit for my goal. A deadline to get a job by my birthday. I was officially hired October 3. My birthday is October 5. So who's a bad bitch now? Setting goals and accomplishing them and shit? ME.

This goal setting business is pretty legit, I mean, I would set goals before but not really stick to them and it's hard to do anything long term right now- BUT- now that I had accomplished a goal in a short amount of time (well relatively speaking) I think I can do another.

I think my next goal will be to sit down and write out three more goals- a short term, mid term, and long term goal and see how that goes.