Friday, June 6, 2014

Steroids, Pain Pills, and a Boot, to boot.

I love working my new job. It's right up my alley, in terms of what I want to do with my life. I really want to be a librarian but you know that requires going back to school, which requires funding, which I do not have. But HEY- this is a step in the right direction and will keep me happy at least.

Sadly, my ankle is not really up to snuff for this running around sort of job, at least not yet. I went to see my doctor on Monday and was prescribed steroids, pain pills and modified working conditions in addition to wearing a walking cast/boot. I have a love hate relationship with the Boot.

I hate that it is bulky, and that I have to wear it. I hate that I am asked 1,000 times a day what has happened and why I am wearing it. I hate being weak. I hate it, because there is literally nothing "wrong" with my ankle. Nothing happened. It's just weak. And that is a shitty feeling. It's weaaaak. My favorite response to "what's wrong with your ankle" lately has been "Nothing, I wrestled a bear." And that usually diverts it to a more humorous situation, in which I can come up with all sorts of crazy details about a non-existent bear fight, and how I managed to escape mostly unharmed.

I love the boot in that it allows me to walk and to work. End of list.

Look, my ankle hurts REALLY bad when it hurts. And it always kind of hurts a little bit, especially if I have to do any standing. I went from sitting on my (ever-expanding) ass for 5 years, to working a part time job where I have to be on my feet anywhere from 20-35 hours a week. It is stressful on my ankle, no doubt about it. It's stressful on the rest of my body too.

I know the boot helps, and I am grateful that I have it. I am not grateful, however, for the stigma that comes along with it. However, seeing that it allows me to work, and to keep my job, well, the Boot and I might be having drinks this week.

I hate being on steroids as well. I know they are great for reducing inflammation and swelling, and they do work--- but I hate the side effects. I am constantly hungry. I am gaining weight out of nowhere (like 10 lbs in a week.) Look I know I am eating a bit more on steroids, but I track every bite that goes in my mouth and nowhere did I eat an extra 35,000 calories.

I also was told that I needed to exercise my ankle and really focus on losing weight. I joined Planet Fitness again but haven't been able to go a whole lot, I went once. I really do like the atmosphere, but I have trouble finding time to go. I will just have to do better and make it a priority. Now that it's summer, I am hoping too to get in our apartment complex's pools and maybe do some water aerobics.

My ankle really bothers me mentally, not just physically. It bothers me that I am weak and unable to do a lot of things that most people take for granted. Not just running or wearing fancy high heels. I mean, like being able to hold down a minimum wage job and work 35+ hours a week. I mean being able to go to the bathroom without help. I mean not having to become personal with the Boot.

So be grateful, children, that your legs work as the Maker intended and you're able to do all those things. Because some of us are insanely jealous.


That being said, I am going to go take my steroids and a pain pill, and play some video games until my husband gets home. Then I will hit the gym.

Monday, June 2, 2014

Hello? Is this thing on? *taps mic*

Hey there blogheads. If anyone still reads blogs on blogger, that is. Did you all move to the Tumblr?

It's been ages since my last post, since just after New Year's to be exact. A lot of stuff has happened since then, but let's just narrow it down.

I work at a bookstore, and I love it. I also have been having severe issues with my ankle again. I went to the same surgeon/foot specialist I saw all through my teen years and I had some x-rays done today. My ankle is extremely arthritic, but other than that, it is all good. Nothing to worry about other than general weakness causing some severe pain. I got a cortisone shot and a prescription for some steroids. I have a couple of bone spurs on the right side of my left ankle, but they are not bone-on-bone, and asymptomatic, although they are moderate in size. All my pain is on the left side of my left ankle.

My doctor also heavily suggested getting in shape. I know losing the weight will help my ankle in the long run and some strength training will help it in the short term as well. I was given a list of physical therapy exercises to do, and I bought some of those elastic resistance bands at work. Hey, they are 30% off with my discount, so I am totally taking advantage of it. So I was told to do the elliptical on no resistance and 0 incline, and the stationary bike as well as doing some core work.

I've been doing the physical therapy exercises for a while now, and I do think it is helping, although I do not do it religiously, and I really need to. Same with the exercising.

I am on a work restriction for the next 6 weeks until my follow up appointment. I was so worried that I was going to have to have surgery or be told that I can't work, and I do not want to lose my job. I love it so much. I have never been happier in a job, my coworkers are awesome, I really love the management as well. They are super accommodating, especially to a newbie gimp like me. I only started there at the end of April so to have their support and seeing how willing they are to work around my disability... yeah. It feels awesome. Super awesome.

I have lost a little bit of weight since I started working there, but not a whole lot. Just 5 lbs. But hey, 5 lbs in a month is super awesome!

Part of me was really hoping I would lose 10-20 since I have not been on my feet much but you know what, I think a lot of it is water weight too, I have been swelling up in my feet, so I drink tons of water now.

We finally have insurance. It's through Obamacare, but I am happy to have it. We got the three of us covered for both health and dental and we only pay $70 a month for it. It is brilliant and I could not be more pleased.

Brian went to the Appleseed Comic Con 2 weekends ago and he had an artist table. He sold a lot of prints and commissioned sketches over two days and I am so proud of him. He also got an interview with a local university! We made a good bit of money too, which had me extra proud of him. I went into it thinking we were going to be at a loss, because it was our first convention and he is not that well known yet. I thought we were going to be rewarded with some exposure and experience, but I was (delightfully) wrong!

I think that we are going to do another one this year, probably in November. We will be able to do a little bit of traveling for it, and that makes me happy. Brian said that he had a lot of fun and if that is what he could do for a living, traveling and going to conventions and selling artwork, he would be so happy. So I am going to try and make that a reality for us.

Brian had gone to the dentist and needs to have a lot of work done on his teeth but thankfully we have dental insurance now and that makes me so happy that we will be able to afford to send him.

I work part time at the bookstore, but part time is around 30 hours a week, so I am making more money than I was at home and that makes my heart happy. I know I just started working there and I still am in the honeymoon phase of my job, but I have always wanted to be a librarian and this fulfills that dream of mine on some level. If I can manage to become full time at some point, they also pay for schooling, and I would love to go get my bachelors and eventually my masters in library science.

I have made so many friends with my coworkers too. It's nice having my own set of friends that I do not have to share with Brian. They all think (know) that I am crazy, but I don't think that they really understand the depths of my isolation before, and how utterly lonely it is not to have any real friends of my own.

These people are also insanely geeky and I love that about them. I find I have something in common with most of them, and that I can really relate. Some of my coworkers even live close by, so that makes it even easier to hang out with them. Have I yet? No. But it's going to happen.

I went in today to drop off my doctor's note and to talk to the managers, and all of my coworkers came up to me and asked me how my doctor appointment went, and I could see the genuine concern in their faces. I was so worried that I would have to have surgery and lose my job, and I could tell that they could see it and that they didn't want me to lose it either. Six plus weeks is a long time to request off for surgery, especially since I was only hired a month ago. I got a few hugs too, when I told them that I wouldn't be needing it. I told you they were concerned.

I almost cried then.

But I didn't.

I finally saw Frozen. Did not like it, it felt really loose in the plot. We are doing a Frozen party at work, and I totally did not volunteer to help out. I can't stand the movie, so I would not be able to handle all the parents and kids belting out "Let It Go" all day long.



ah well, I have to get going. I am meeting a friend at the gym. It's my first time going since I renewed my membership last week. I haven't been able to walk since then, so it will be nice to go.

Closing thought: It's really hard to drive a stick shift with a walking cast on.

Friday, January 3, 2014

HAPPY 2014

Thank goodness the holidays are over, friends. Each year I feel they get a little more emotionally draining for me and I wonder if it will get any "better" or if I just have a lot going on.

Anyway, how is everyone doing now that it is officially 2014? Any progress on your resolutions yet?

2013 was a strange year for me- emotionally and mentally very little growth happened for me. I did have the opportunity to discover that I no longer need my anti-depressants to function like a normal adult. I am grateful for that, very much. I was in a dark place and it was really scary, but through a lot of patience (on Brian's part) and forgiveness of my short-comings, I was able to realize that most of my issues were not so much depression as lack of growth.

Moving to a new apartment really helped kick start things for me in that area and since August, I have been off my medicine. I still have days where I am not myself, but those days are fewer and becoming farther apart.

In late October, I went to my doctor and asked him if he would be willing to prescribe me a new weight loss drug. I had heard and read about a lot of people having success with it with very little effort on their part and I wanted to try it. For the most part, it is an appetite suppressant but it also has the benefit of helping with migraines. I suffer from migraines a lot- around 2-3 of them a month is average for me, and it usually ends up with me curled up in bed sobbing with an ice pack, or slumped in front of the toilet vomiting. Light sensitivity is a huge thing for me when I am experiencing a migraine and trying to raise a toddler while having a migraine... not good.

I was started on a trial dose and it helped greatly with my migraines and my appetite and while I didn't start seeing any sort of weight loss until I was on the full dose, I can say that after 1 month of being on the full dosage I have lost 12 lbs. It's a fantastic feeling. I feel like I finally have the thing that has clicked for me. I am counting calories and I occasionally exercise, so this in combination is really what is driving it home for me.

2014 has been a mix of good and bad so far- I realize it's only the 3rd day of the new year, but hey, that's how life goes.

I bought a bunch of Kindle books with an Amazon gift card I got, and I have been reading so much more. My soul is so happy because of this. Honestly, if I had read half as much as I have this year, last year, I would have been surprised. I am already through 2 books.

I started drawing again. I just do 30 minutes a day. Doodle and then flesh it out a bit.

I have been working so much more. I have a renewed interest in making as much money as I can and saving, as I want to be able to travel this year. I already set out a couple of places I want to go, so I've made little savings jars for them and working while I have those vacations in mind makes it easier to focus.

The bad?

Weeeelllll

Mom, please. 

Drake had to get 2 stitches on New Years Day. Brian had his company Christmas party that day and I had worked all night long and didn't get any sleep. He decided that he and Drake were going to go and it would be no big deal. As soon as they got there, Drake ran smack into a metal-edged table and sliced his eyebrow open. They were at the ER for over 2 hours. I was asleep the whole time and didn't know. Not like it would have helped any, Brian said, since we only have one car and I couldn't have got there anyhow.

So he's okay, and he leaves them alone, which is nice. I feel bad for him though, his birthday is in 2 days and he had to fall face first into a table and screw up his face. Oh well, he is a boy and that is what boys do. Children are surprisingly hardy little creatures so I am trying not to worry over it.

I'm also trying not to feel guilty, because I am sure it would have happened regardless if I was there or not.

It's adorable because the way that the stitches are placed, it makes him look all puppy dog eyes and sad all the time.

Sunday the little man turns 2 and that should be a lot of fun. We are also having a belated holiday party with our friends that night, so that means I WILL BE PARTYING ALL DAY LONG WOOO...